Monday, December 31, 2007

Blogaday 2 of 20

It is but day two.

But what a day two it is!

I have previously pondered the question of, "When did I start being me?" I believe I even wrote about it here before. Much of this may be recap then. I'm going to do it anyways.

That question is so interesting to me because it is entirely dependent upon the way in which we choose to characterize me. Do we characterize me based upon an eternal identity, like some sort of super social security number? Am I me based upon my lineage, my parents, my friends? Am I me based upon the education I've received, the titles I've aspired to?

I love the question because it reminds me that I take my identity from the actions I pursue. More than who I am, it's the way that I am. I find it refreshing that decisions are what help me know who I am.

So when did I start being me? How long have I been making decisions the way that I'm currently making decisions? How long will I continue to make decisions like this?

I think that I'm constantly changing. Who I am, based upon the criteria I've looked at, is never the same two days in a row. Minute to minute I believe I'm a different, albeit only slightly, person. Factors like my health, the amount of sleep I got last night, my hydration levels, the mood of my friends and associates, the weather, all factor into the way I make decisions, which factors into who I am.

So what is the struggle? I believe the struggle is to find out who we want to be, and then, above all, to be exactly like that. To be just like that, even when you're thirsty. To be like that even when your throat hurts and you've got a slight fever. To be like that even when things didn't go well in calculus. The struggle, for me at least, is to be the person I want to be no matter the circumstances. It's not too difficult to be me when everything is coming up roses. It's the trying times that help define who I am. It's good to be a good guy when the sun is shining, but who are you going to be through the perilous night?

Integrity and congruence and persistence, those are the keys to the answer that I know I'm looking for. Integrity because I've got to know who I want to be, and I've got to stick with it. Integrity makes me happy to be one person, and only one person. Integrity won't let me be two people. I've just got to be a heck of a whole person to make it stick. Congruence because I've got to be the same outside as I am inside. Fenton said it well when she spoke of congruence being the key to healthy self-esteem. It is when we find ourselves living in discord between what is true within us and what we project without us. Be we happy or sad inside, let us be happy or sad respectively on the outside. There is no peace when we are so clearly lying to ourselves and others. If I am going to be me, I have to be the real me. There can not be an inner me and an outer me. I must be me throughout, or there can be no real me at all. Persistence because the sine graph of life reminds us all that we must remember. There are good days and bad days, and I must work through them all. Persistence because bad days will inevitably follow the good days. Persistence because I want to be me on the ups and the downs, no matter the amplitude. I will rise and I will fall, but persistence and the sweat of my brow will keep me me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think the harder we strive to stay on the straight and narrow, the easier it becomes to be a better person;perhaps even the person we dream to be.