Sunday, February 26, 2006

Saving the World, One Trigonometric Ratio at a Time

*note* Nick has good poetry on his blog. Most poetry is pretty lame, but Nick has some cool stuff, so go check it out.

I have a plan to change the world. I've got a humanities side, and a science side. I started to write about them, and it wouldn't come out. So, I guess I've got to wait for another day. But, Here are alot of quotes I've amassed through the past year or so, enjoy.

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.
- GK Chesterton

Furious activity is no substitue for understanding.
- H.H. Williams

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
- Will Durant

How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.
- Ronald Reagan

I am certain there is too much certainy in the world.
- Michael Crichton

Once when President Brigham Young was asked why we are sometimes left alone and often sad, his response was that man has to learn to "act as an independent being . . . to see what he will do . . . and try his independency—to be righteous in the dark."

Another unsettling element in modern art is that common symptom of immaturity, the dread of doing what has been done before.
- Edith Wharton

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
- Soren Kierkegaard

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
- Marquis de la Grange

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
-Rita Rudner

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
- Solomon Short

For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.
- Richard Feynman

If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
Isaac Asimov

It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
- Sidney J. Harris

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
- Mahatma Gandhi

Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it.
- Elias Schwartz

If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.
- Sir Francis Bacon

I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.
- Edith Sitwell

it is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.
- David Brin

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
- Aldous Huxley

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
- Malcolm Forbes

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.
- Benjamin Disraeli

"Those who stand firm, steadfast, and immovable are given great inner hidden powers and unseen strengths."
—President James E. Faust

Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.
- Walter Lippmann

The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments.
- William H. Borah

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
- Kin Hubbard

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
- Rich Cook

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
- Horace Walpole

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
- George Jackson

"Your calling is to bless lives. . . . Just the way you smile or the way you offer to help someone can build their faith."
—Elder Henry B. Eyring

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

"We don't negotiate with terrorists, we put them out of business."
- Scott McClellan (white house spokesman)

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
- Will Durant

Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
- Peter Drucker

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
- Bill Vaughan

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.
- Abraham Lincoln

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Region Dance IV Life

That's a roman numeral, not an I.V..... get it? ha.

Now that we're all on the same page, I just got back from ther region dance, and it was kicks and giggles. I had a way good time, even though my boys bailed on me. I didn't get to dance with everybody that I wanted to, but that's all good. It was still awesome fun. I got to bust out my mad white-boy dance skills, and they were definitely a sight to behold. Good times, good times.

So, last night there was a scout camp in my backyard. My dad is the scoutmaster for the ward, and since we didn't wanna go anywhere for this month's camp, we chilled in the backyard. Now, this sounds pretty fun, until you realize that even though I've got a comfy and warm bed no more than 60 feet away, I'm outside, trying to sleep in a 15 degree tent with 4 twelve year olds and billy. It was so cold that when we 'woke up' there was frost on the inside walls of the tent.

Anyways, that was an adventure, but I don't want to complain too much. Suffice it to say that I was glad to have it over.

There is one story that must be told though. This is not me complaining, this is just grade A entertainment. The names in the story have been changed to protect the innocent, enjoy.

Months and months ago, we had yet another campout in my backyard. We tend to do those alot if you can't tell. Well, it was getting sort of late, and we were playing nightgames or something. I ran inside to get something, and when I come out all the little kids are giggling and screaming like little girls. Apparently 'dingus' (name has been changed) was climbing in the tree, slipped, and had kicked a HUGE mushroom out of the dead part of the tree. Mushrooms always grow in the tree, but this was bigger than I had ever seen. It was honestly the biggest mushroom ever. There has never been, nor ever will be, a bigger mushroom.

So, while I'm inside they kicked it up on to the porch. So, I walk out to their giggling, and am nearly consumed by this mushroom. Thinking fast, I put it in a bucket. So, now we've got a mushroom in a bucket that 'Dingus' affectionately calls "My mushroom".

I put the bucket right underneath our rain gutter, so all the rain from the roof runs in to it. I'm not sure why I did that, but I thought it'd be fun. So, the next time it rains, I come outside, and there's a fun giant mushroom floating in this bucket. I thought that was pretty cool, but less than spectacular. Frankly, I forgot about it.

A couple weeks later I come out, and remember it, and look at it. It's still there, but it's changing colors. It maintained most of it's shape still, but it just turned a little black. It varied between floating at the top, and sinking to the bottom, it was sort of nifty. It was my own little science experiment.

So, then winter comes along, and it freezes. That's sort of cool, I go look at it. Then it thaws, and freezes again. The mushroom remains in one piece, and looks all fun frozen in there.

Skip ahead 2 months, and you reach yesterday night. The bucket was so frozen, you couldn't even see the mushroom. 'Dingus' asks me if it's still in there, and I say yes. So, the intelligent lad goes and gets a hammer, and hits the top of the ice, trying to break it. I tell him not to do that. I say: "Dingus, don't do that." So, 'Dingus' stops.

This morning, while we're trying to clean up the tent and put it away, 'Dingus' wanders off. We figure he just doesn't want to help. So, smart lad runs over to the bucket, and gets another hammer. See, the first time he hit it he hit it with the girly hammer. This time, he had the mini-sledge.

After a few fruitless attempts to break through the top of the ice (mind you, it was several inches thick) he tips the bucket over, the breach it from the bottom.

Now, here's a big red flag for you. What does water do when it freezes? Oh right, it gets bigger. What happens when the water at the top freezes before the water at the bottom? Oh right, it makes a barrier, so the water at the bottom can't expand as much when it freezes. Last night it was somewhere around 15 degrees, alot of that bucket was frozen.

So, Dingus smacks the bottom of the bucket with the hammer.


Cold plastic, with highly pressurized mushroom water inside of it + hammer.


This terrible water just spews out all over the kid. The mushroom has been stewing in there for 4 months. It didn't smell good when it went in there, and it definitely doesn't smell good now. It got all over the kid, and it wasn't just like "Haha, water." It was "Haha, that stuff has chunks in it!"

Dingus proceeds to go inside, and throw up.

Good game dingus.

This just goes to show you children, don't hit stuff with hammers. Especially when everybody tells you not to hit that particular thing.

Honestly. I never knew why I kept that mushroom in the bucket. Today I learned. He got everything he deserved. That mushroom has served mankind well.

We salute you Old Mushy. You've rendered a great service to the world. Not only have you taught a valuable lesson about water expanding, you've made a 12 year old hurl. I've never been so proud of fungus.

good game Dingus.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


Happy Valentine's Day part II!

The picture above is, in fact, a real valentine that I got today. So, for all of you unfortunate souls who feel bad because you didn't get anything: consider yourselves lucky.

So, I just wrote half of a post and nuked it. It sucked big time. It's gone now. Hooray!

Recently, there has been alot of debate as to whether being in a relationship is the best choice. I cannot answer this question for you, as it is something we all have to decide for ourselves. And since it's valentine's day, I'm going to help you all make that decision. Tonight, I present you with my 100% unbiased list of facts about relationships. Prepare yourselves to learn.

There are 5 undeniable facts about relationships. Here they are.

1) When you like a girl, you have to shower every day. When you don't, it's free game.

2) When you like a girl, Peter and Kyle try to kill you.

3) When you like a girl, Halo suffers. Every time Halo suffers, a baby kitten dies.

4) When you like a girl, you come up with really good pickup lines, ones about breakfast cereal. You then proceed to make a fool of yourself.

5) When you like a girl, stefanie wishes you pain.

I don't care who you are, and who you like. These 5 facts will remain. I warned you.

And now, lets hear from some experts in the field.

When prompted continually to say something funny about relationships, Jeff from American Fork said this:

"the relationship between a guy and a girl is like the relationship between a guy and a dog. The guy does everything for the dog, pays for it to get it's hair done, feeds it, gives it a house, etc. the only thing a girl doesn't do is crap on the lawn"

Truly inspiring.

My ever so wise brother shared this with me:

"relationships are fun until communication happens."

And so there you have it. The question now is, "is she really worth having peter and kyle after me? Am I willing to forget the tender touch of the controller S for her sweaty hand? do I really want to ride fast rides?" The answer is yours to make.

Mind you.... if you choose her instead of not her, baby kittens die. You don't want that.

Fact: Hitler killed millions of jews.

Fact: Hitler was married to a girl.

History has proved it. When you like a girl, the innocent suffer first.

Fact: Valentine's day was made up by the hallmark corporation and the democratic party.

Fact: Both of them hate you and want you to die of terrible diseases.

You can't argue with this logic folks. The bottom line is, photoshop is the only thing that will truly bring you happiness at this stage in your life.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day Part I

In part one of my two-part extravaganza for valentine's day, I thought I'd give you all a little gift. Tomorrow you can expect some insane ramblings, but as for today, I hope you enjoy this small gift.


Friday, February 10, 2006

Game On

It's 11:35, and my shirt is sweaty. In order to fully understand the cause, and the actual impact of this phenomenon, you must let yourself go. Forget the qualms for a moment. Believe in the power of dreams for the next 5 minutes, for me.

Tonight we proved to the world that dreams are real, that anything can be overcome with determination. Tonight we stood up, and proudly announced to the audience that we were not going to lie down and die. Tonight, there was power running through us all. A power that you couldn't see, a power that you couldn't quite name, but a power that brought us together.

Tonight the sophies ran the old men at frisbee.

We proclaimed loud and clear that we truly were to be taken seriously. We exclaimed "No, you can't sit back and own us, you've got to fear us." Tonight, we were a threat. An unforseen threat that pulled together to wake the world up and say "Eat poop Brad."

4 times we dug the dagger a little deeper. 4 times I got to take the podium of life and say "You just got scored on by a kid without a driver's license. You just got ran up and down the field by a bunch of 15 year olds who don't know how to shave. You just got beat by the kid who still goes to region dances, and almost pees his pants when a girl asks him to dance. You outweigh me by 40 lbs, you've got 2 inches on me. Tonight you got ran, and there's nothing you can do to change that."

Tonight, we forced the world to recognize us.

The field will never be the same. A new power has been unleashed, and nothing but the powers of congress can stop us now. Seeds have been planted, and, like the wildfire, they will grow forever stronger. Trees are springing up, trees of strength and power. Valiant trees, firm in the face of peril. Never shall we fall, never shall we give up. Life demands we keep fighting, and fight we must.

Tonight, the world changed forever.

All poetry aside, tonight was absolutely amazing. As many of you had heard, tonight was the night I'd been waiting for for months. The night when my boys finally showed up to frisbee. I've been playing frisbee with the old men for a very long time, since the beginning of last summer at least. I'd never really brought friends though, because we had enough people, and cause I was intimidated. After much deep thought, I determined that it was time to bring them in to the fold or amazing frisbee action. Tonight, we all crossed the line that seperates the boys from the men.

Me, Kyle, Levi, Jason, and Glen. Tonight, we are the 5 most amazing people alive. We got to the field eventually, and we found only Brad, Brady, Mcqueen, and Noakesy. We played a few games splitting up for a while, always joking about the idea of sophies vs. old men, but never taking it seriously. Because of the way the teams were stacked, the team with brad on it always won. So, after 3 games of blowouts, we decided that it was time for sophies vs.

Now, you've got to understand, these old men are heroes to me on friday nights. They can throw a frisbee from one endzone to the next in a perfect line, they can jump 8 feet high, and they could kill a bear with nothing but a pencil and a forehand throw. They are people to be respected. I was the only sophie that had ever played frisbee with them, and I've probably logged more hours playing frisbee than the rest of my boys combined. Victory seemed impossible. The old men can take on a bear, and we're in driver's ed! We knew that it would be difficult, but we were determined to walk out with our heads held high.

Prior to the game starting, I brought the team over for a little meeting. We took a knee, got in close, and decided on the plan. We knew that they outskilled us by far, and that they were physically superior. We knew we coulnd't out throw them, or out catch them. We couldn't jump higher, swat harder, or run faster. The outcome was written in stone before the game ever started, but we were destined to pee all over that stone.

The game plan was simple. We had to physically, mentally, and emotionally try harder than they were willing to. We were willing to lay it on the line, and we had a hunch that they weren't. Move the disc upfield quick, with alot of short passes on cuts. We couldn't huck, we couldn't wait for the open man. We had to break it open and go quick, confusing, and confident.

And so we did. They kicked first, and our plan was set into action. A quick pass, a quick pass, an awesome cut and a quick pass. And then failure. A drop, a fumble, a misfire, we turned the ball over. They picked it up, and in a matter of a very few passes dropped it into the endzone.

The old men had scored, but we were not defeated. Our plan for all out shock-and-awe wasn't dead, just delayed. Another kickoff, and another valient effort. For some reason, we just didn't have it, and they scored again pretty quick. Despite all this, hope was not lost. Taking the walk of shame back to recieve the kick, we felt no shame. We were proud to be on the field.

2-0, they kick, and we recieve. Everything starts out just like it has the other two times. a pass, another pass, maybe another pass. Somebody breaks out behind them, and gets the catch. We're not about halfway down the field, closer than we've ever been before.

Before the old men can fully appreciate how much this means to us, we are booking it down field. Momentum was on our side, and we just dodged the disc back and forth between us, always moving up field. There must have been 15 passes made. Quick, efficient, and above all terrifying. We move, and the pass straight in to the endzone is flicked out. It flies, gentle as a bird, straight to the hands of the reciever.

And then he dropped it.

The runaway train stopped. A sheep walked across the tracks, and it stopped. The fiersome bull of a locomotive ended its rampage just like that. The disc touched the icy earth, and the old men took possesion. Another point for them followed shortly thereafter.

We had been so close. We had stared our destiny right in the face, and had the chance taken away from us. Still we were not defeated. We pressed on, and recieved the next kick. 3-0.

Again, we pressed forward with momentum. They still didn't quite know how to counter us, and we took advantage of it. They were lazy old men, and we were sophies out to prove something.

The disc moved upfield, and then all of the sudden, it happened. The end-pass is tossed, and the catch is made. The sophies scored. 3-1.

The consequences of that point will be felt for the rest of my life. In one gyroscopic sweep of the great arm of fate, the windows to the future were opened. A point, against the old men. A new generation is rising from obscurity. Once again we looked our destiny in the eye, and dork-slapped it across the face.

That's right, we scored. Our intensity and momentum were too much for the old men. We had scored, and they couldn't take that away. The rest of the game was very similar. We made some dumb mistakes, and so did they. We made some good plays, and they did as well. In the end, the score was about 11-4. They took us by 7 points, but they got scored on by sophies, and that's a greater prize than any victory.

Tonight we learned that David really can smite Goliath. We did not back down, nor will we ever. The stone said we were to be anihilated, but we refused to lay down and die. Tonight we made 4 points. Pure sophomore pride points. Like Rocky, we fought with heart, and we were rewarded.

Sure, we lost, but in our hearts, we are all winners. We are coming for you Brad. We are no longer faceless sophomores, we are the sophomores that ran you and your team of old men. We will never forget these 4 points.

Tonight, the dark sky as our witness, we scored 4 points, and refused to die. Sophomores no more, heroes forevermore.

A special salute to Levi, Kyle, Jason, and Glen. You guys are amazing.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Stick it to the Man

Wow, there is a secret society of ninja's and government agents that are trying to keep me from writing. I don't know what the deal is, but nobody wants me to write. They're all out to get me. Every night I'm like "Oh, I'll write" and then something pops up. Coincidence? I think not. They're out to get me.

However! Using my powers of superness, I'm going to beat them. Eat that suckers.

I have been overtaken with a fascination about lists lately. Everybody loves lists. They are so quick, so compact, and so useful. You can't beat a list. A list has skills. Therefore, I'm going to write a list that i've wanted to write for a very long time. I want to keep writing lists. However, here is my very first list.

The top (and bottom) 5 feelings in the world.

#1. You got swatted (clap clap clapclapclap)

There is nothing in this world that makes you stand taller than swatting some guy down in basketball. I don't care who it is, I don't care if it's shane, and I don't care if it's a 12 year old. They jump and release, and you jump on the intercept course. The crowd goes silent in anticipation. And then the audible smack echoes through the gym, and there is no doubt in anyone's mind. You are king. AHHHH!

#2. 3 more hours.

You wake up in the middle of the night, and the clock reads 3:30. Good crap, you've got 3 hours to sleep, and it just makes your day. yay!

#3. No scopes.

Last night I beat James at halo 25-24. 15 seconds before the win i was down 23-24. I was on lockout, running from down middle to down-sniper. Isaac was rushing towards me, and I busted out my sniped, nailed him in the chest with a no-scope, then smacked him down. 24-24. James turns the corner about them, and starts smg'in me from down middle. I run down underneath the sniper tower, and hide right by the door. James turns the corner, and I sword him into oblivion. 25-24, and i've got about no health left. ggnore.

#4. The wind at your back.

Yesterday at the track meet I took 2nd to last. That's not last place, and that is awesome. But anyways, before the race started I was very last in the pack. 1st lane, last place. That means I'm not going anywhere. Hansen shoots the gun, and I start jogging behind everyone. From somewhere, I got some mad boost of energy, so I just popped out to lane 3, and started powering past everyone on the start. By the end of lap 1, I was in 7th place. I had passed a good 25 people, and it felt so good. I was using my stride, it felt like I was being pushed from behind, I was breathing like mad, it was awesome. Then, that awesome feeling left and I fell back in to 2nd to last. However, for those 60 awesome seconds, I was king of the world. I love the wind at your back.

#5. That nose thing.

There are certain moments when you are forced to take a deep, cleansing breath through your nose. You can hear it for a mile away because it's so loud, but it just cleans everything out. It only pops up rarely, like when you get waken up to something nice, or when you hug somebody special-like or whatever. But it's nice, makes your lungs feel good, makes the world smell better. It's good eh.

So, those are 5 good feelings. I'm writing really trashy tonight, but I'm having fun anyways. Smile.

So, the bottom 5.

#1. 2 more minuts.

You wake up in the middle of the night. The clock says 5:58. 2 minutes to sleep. Shoot me now.

#2. Nice try dingus.

In elementary school, when you finally get up the guys to pass a note to a girl telling her you like her, and she says "Ewww, you're gross." But it's not one of those "Ewww, you're gross (and that means I like you)" its an "Ewww, you're gross (and that means you smell)". That's just not fun.

#3. You're flat.

When bryan tells you that you're hitting the wrong notes. Now, you know that you're hitting the wrong notes. Its no mystery to anyone in the room. You know bryan is trying to help, but its just the nail in the coffin. you blow, for reals.


nobody wants to hear that their harddrive blew up. thats just depressing. I hate that little message.

#5. 24-25-22-6.

have you ever last at halo by 19? It's not a good feeling. Halo is the universal leveler. It makes everyone equal for 5 minutes while we try to kill each other. Nobody is born with better halo skills. Nobody is taller, nobody shoots straighter. It's you, your controller, and testosterone. Whoever wins deserves it, there's no doubt about it. That what makes it so crushing when you lose by 19. You know it's not cheap, you know its not some trick. You deserved to get tramped, and good crap, you got it hard.

So, that's allI got. I want to hear your lists. Submit your junk, I'll mock it at a later date. Leave me comments dangit, don't make me come over there.


So, I was gonna write tonight. But now its 12:54. Soo..... tomorrow. Hooray!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

X marks the spot

Prince Henry: A Portuguese prince by the name of Henry. He was one of those guys that really liked to navigate, so the college boys all called him “Prince Henry the Navigator.” He was one of the main guys that got Portugal's exploration system underway. He set up a school that was chock full of all the best sea-people you'd ever find in old Europe. A little before 1420 he was cruising the ocean, and by 1430 heading south by Africa. His guys claimed the Azores for Portugal, wherever that is. So really, he jumpstarted portugal's exploration. Yeehaw.

Score it.

You've got to love overly sarcastic world history answers. You know, the assignment is definitely torture, but you do end up learning stuff from it. Years after having Fiack in 7th grade for Algebra, I finally realized that he really was a good teacher. He's not an idiot like I thought, he knew what he was up to, and he taught me alot. I feel terrible for how mean I was to the guy. He kicked butt, really. Maybe that's how we'll all feel years from now, when we know our world history. Sure, maybe it's not as useful as algebra, but its still alright. Show a little love, c'mon.