Friday, October 31, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Crucial Juncture of Death

10:38 AM - I'm in the lab again.

I have a calculus test on Monday. It's Friday. I haven't exactly done the last two calc assignments. And by "haven't exactly done" I mean "haven't done." Professor Cannon, who is a stud, gave us a practice exam on Wednesday so we could get it done and ask questions on it today. I went two for five on questions, but I feel like I have a pretty decent shot come Monday. And hey, 40 percent's not that bad, right? SLCC, here I come!

It's becoming more and more difficult to actually do work. I'm surprised this didn't happen before. We were up pretty late last night playing warcraft. We suddenly realized that we have a killer network set up at home, and that it's really easy to pull Levi or James' lappy into me and Andrew's room so we can play from the same place. Me and Kyle were switching off using my computer, with Levi four feet away. We were online playing with Dak, Tyrel, and Glen. It was pretty intense. Lots of fun, but it lasted a wee bit too late into the evening. I did manage to study my calc after we got done, but it wasn't for nearly long enough. Staying up that late helped me be pretty tardy (and the award for ugliest word in the human language goes to...) to calc this morning.

So, it was fun, but it sorta hindered my academic progress. Worst part? It's friday, and I'm thinking that when I get home, I've got a full day to waste doing fun stuff like that. Alas, I need to study. But dang, can't argue with fun social gaming like that.

So, this prospect of the calculus test is a very interesting one. Tests are weighted as 40 percent of the entire grade in there. There are two midterms, so each is 20 percent. That means that this single midterm I'm taking on Monday is equal to every homework assignment combined for the entire semester. With that proportionality, it'd make a whole lot of sense for me to spend hours and hours preparing for this blasted test. After all, I've been dedicating at least two hours every other night, or six hours a week to do those assignments. And that's an incredibly conservative estimate. It's more like three every other night. So I'm saying that it'd be a shame for me to not put forth the effort to get an A on this test. I think that it's possible, but it's pretty far out there right now. The material isn't incredibly difficult... there's a TON of room for error, but that's to be expected. I have absolutely no experience with spherical or cylindrical coordinate systems, and I know that that will be at least 20 percent of the test. Jacobians and transformations don't look that difficult, but I didn't do the assignment that taught us that, so I'll need to do that this weekend.

Mora of the story? This weekend is officially Go Time for calculus. As a general rule, I've never passed up a good Go Time opportunity for school. I've always missed little assignments and stuff, but when it really came down to make it happen, I put forth the work to make things fly. This will be a pretty tough weekend to make that happen. I hope that I can make it work. It's important- there's a whole lot of money riding on that GPA...

So, every Ultimate announcement I ever make on this blog usually ends up doomed. We still haven't played Murray. But there's a savage seven tournament on the 15th of November, and we're going to field a team. It's going to be pretty cool because BYU is fielding two teams and Utah State is fielding at least one. It's open to everybody though, so we're going to assemble our seven and go get owned. Savage Seven is cool because it's just seven vs. seven all day long. No subs. You play games to seven, with a hard cap, so no win-by-two or anything like that. Me, Andrew, Levi, Brad, and James are all in for sure. Kyle is a maybe, depending on how his back is treating him. Last night he sounded pretty confident though. We'd really like to get one guy from our Ultimate class, since he's pretty sick and friendly. But he'll be out of town, so we're looking into recruiting one of Andrew and Brad's friends. We only need one more guy, and I'm really looking forward to playing. We'll get trashed, but it'll be fun to go play high level with guys I like. That's in two weeks, I'm pretty happy.

I haven't written for a while. I don't really mind. Traffic is down considerably. But, really, I think I'm okay. Life has been better lately. That's not even close to all my fault, but things are moving forward. I've been working a lot harder on school and on a lot of other things that needed to change. The biggest deal for me has been Kyle. I started really trying to be nice to him, since I was always a butthead. It didn't really matter the situation, I just wasn't nice to kyle. So I've been really trying, and it's been making a difference for me. I don't know if anyone else noticed, maybe not even Kyle, but it makes me feel a lot better about myself.

I'm not much of one for quotations on the blog, but I'm tossing one in. C.S. Lewis, that stallion that he is, had a pretty good one in the Screwtape Letters. The whole book is one professional 'devil' writing to his nephew who's trying to be a devil too, or something. It's essentially good advice on how to tempt and get people to be jerks. Pretty cool premise. Anyways-

Do what you will, there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient's soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary.

I heard that a while ago, the day after I had really found some motivation to work harder and be better. It's a pretty cool reality. So, I'm trying not to be a jerk to Kyle. I associate with Kyle more than anyone. And If I'm a jerk to the one person I associate with most, that makes me a jerk for a big portion of my life. I don't want to be a jerk. So I'm working on it. Old habits die hard, but that front is going well.

There's a lot of really good stuff going on up here. Lots of work yet to be done. It's hard to love school when I don't know what I want to do with my life. But school's not the only important thing up here. Almost all of my life to this point has been about becoming. Go to school to become a good college student. Go to college to become a highly paid worker. Run to become a better athlete, read to get smarter, prepare for a mission, etc. etc. This stuff is all awesome, but I will say that it is very nice to look at things and know that I got them done and that nothing is going to take that away from me. The thing about becoming is that it's always in a state of flux, and it's always possible to go back and suck again. I ran for a long time in order to get better. I used to be pretty intense, and now I'm not. Things like that can go away, you're never sure if you're there permanently. But there's some good stuff in life that once you get it done, well, it's done for the month. It helps you and everyone else become better, yes, but once it's done, it's never going away. Case in point: Me and Levi did some hometeaching last night. Yes, it was the second to last day of the month. And yes, we still haven't found our wayward non-resident. And no, I'm not saying this to toot any sort of horn. But it does feel good to be able to report 80 percent on Sunday. Yes, 80 percent isn't good enough. But hey, that 80 percent for October isn't going anywhere. That one's going down on the books. It's a good feeling.

Okay, not too long until I have to get to physics. Only two more hours of class and then I'm done for the weekend. I'm going to the basketball game tonight (w00t) and hopefully getting some work done. Should be a good weekend.

I hope you're all doing well. Happy long post Friday. I do like writing less often. But hey, good luck with everything. Life's tough, but it has its advantages. Happy Friday friends, much love.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Not Smooth

I really enjoy being home. I came home to see the musical. I sort of have an unofficial goal to not come home too many weeks in a row, just because I know it's important that I stay up in Logan. But this weekend has just been really good. The musical was incredible, and I've spent a lot of time with a lot of really good people. I love it here because I'm in my element. I'm surrounded by people that know me and that believe in me. I don't have to prove anything, I'm just me, doing what I do. I love that. I know that I'm me wherever I go, but it's so nice to joke with everybody and laugh together. I have really valued the time I've had this weekend to be with people.

It's back up to Logan tomorrow to start a new week. I can't say I'm excited to go do more calculus and physics, but it'll be good to go learn and move forward with life.

Not too much to say tonight, other than that I really like being home. I love Logan too, and I'm happy to be there. But let's be serious folks, I like home more. Just because home is that good.

I hope you're doing well friends. Happy Saturday evening. I'll catch you all later.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Field Trip

I'm posting today from the lab in the library basement. I didn't post last night for a couple of reasons.

The good news: I was able to get my physics assignment taken care of, with a little more than one hundred percent, I think. My calculus assignment, well, I got all the problems completed minus two, although I was certifiably wrong on a lot of problems. I give myself an 80 percent for effort, and a 60 percent for actual accuracy. Hey, could have been worse, right?

This morning was miraculous in that I got to calculus early and stayed awake through the entire 50 minutes. It has been a very long time since that has happened. I feel pretty loved.

I have a dilemma for the weekend. I want to come home to see the musical and be with people, but there's a pretty cool ward activity going on up here tonight. I have a ride home and back, no problem. I'm still pretty torn, though. Right now it looks like I'll be staying here, unless something changes. I still got some time, though, so we'll see. I don't really wanna miss the musical, because I believe in supporting the school and all that. Seeing friends is always a plus. But it's an important ward activity, alas. We'll see.

So, calculus is pretty cool, but I'm not that good at it right now. There's just an incredible amount of error that can slip in. We're doing triple integrals. So instead of integrating along some line from x=0 to x=2, we integrate some volume V bounded by the planes z + x + y = 1, x = 0, y = x + 2z, and something else that's fierce. So we've got to spatially visualize these crazy planes to give a three-dimensional model, and then find out the limits of integration between them. Half of the limits are in terms of other variables, which makes it all sorts of fun. It really is pretty cool when it works right, but integration is messy just by itself, and doing three integrals on top of each other means that errors creep in from everywhere. I do really like the subject, but I recognize that I'm not getting accurate answers. The next test is going to be a very interesting one.

10:51 AM, have I ever blogged during this hour of the day in the history of the other dentist? Probably once or twice, actually, but that might have been the very first few times I was posting here during journalism for junior high. I've spent a fair amount of time in this computer lab here, so the environment isn't new. But it's interesting to write during the morning. Afternoon? I don't even know.

Fifteen minutes till I have to hoof it over to physics. I'm actually going to lecture today, hooblay! I've decided to stop sluffing. As much as I really enjoy sluffing, it's not a great idea. I'm going to try really hard to stay awake in there today. History is stacked against me on this one, but I've already seen two miracles this morning- who says I can't believe in a third?

Yay, I'm talking to my mom online. She got a laptop for her work, and now she's finally learning to use a computer. It's been a pretty funny adventure. Pretty cool that mom's so smart though. It doesn't take her long to pick up on new stuff like this. I should call and talk to her more though. I can get by without talking to people I care about, I've found. But it's always nicer when I do. Pretty interesting stuff, though.

Next semester is going to be incredible, I've decided. I'm going to be so not new to college it's going to be insane. I've got a few goals kicking around in the oven, and I think I know a pretty good direction to move in. I've had one run through, and I'm pretty confident that the second one will be a lot smoother. Just saying, I'm looking forward to it.

Okay, it looks like I am coming home this weekend. Mom's good at advice. I'm off to physics, friends. I hope that you have a great day and weekend and all sorts of fun stuff. Peace and love~

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Eighteen

Happy 450th post, The Other Dentist.

I think that after day 24 I'll go back to the old style. You know, with real titles instead of auto-generated ones. While I do love the simplicity and cohesion of it all, it'll be fun to use titles again. I'll also probably drop off on posting, but we'll see. My readership has gone up tons by posting every day. Watching the stats, the two nights that I didn't really post dropped down considerably. But hey, it's not about readership, is it?

It's super late. Today was whack. I slept through some stuff I shouldn't have, and then took another nap on top of that. But I accomplished most of the stuff I wanted to. Tomorrow has a ton of work lined up for me because of what I didn't do today. But I've got time to do it, and I hope that I can. It's plausible :)

I took a good look at my current academic standing tonight. I ran a few simulations of final grades for my classes, to find out what my final GPA will be for the term. The most realistic of these simulations sees me getting a 3.73 final, which is more than high enough to hold on to my scholarship. I'd like to pad that up further, but that's what I'm shooting for right now. That all hinges on good performances on the two remaining physics tests and the two remaining calc tests. That means I need to start attending physics class again, and start being on time to calc again. But I think I can pull it off. Like me and Nike said, I know how far I have to go.

So, ridiculously scheduled day. But not a total wash like I thought it might be. This one goes in the "done" pile. Not because all the work it had was done, but because it's over. Tomorrow's the day for me. I read a physics chapter tonight, but I have a whole assignment to do tomorrow. Shouldn't be too terrible. Calculus assignment as well. Double stacking those is a bit of a nightmare, but not something I can't do.

Today wasn't great for my academics. But mission prep went really well, and I felt pretty good about most of the things I'm working on. I had a good time talking to friends tonight and being with my roommates. Me and James made a delicious cake from scratch, it was great. Brad finally started playing KOTOR, so me and kyle have more temptation than ever. Not a wash, and that's good news.

Tomorrow's another day. Time for study, then time for sleep. Thanks for being around friends. You're pretty cool. I'm trying up here. That's great news.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Seventeen

No time to dilly-daddle, I've got sleep to get to!

But in the meantime, it has been a pretty good day. School likes to throw things at me, but I'm keeping my head above water and trying to make it work. Assignments are rough, but we're getting there.

I really want to start exploring my options for next semester soon. I feel pretty good about the math education major, and so I'm excited to see what that entails for the next several years of my life. I did a psuedo-four-year-plan for scholars forum, but I didn't pay much attention to that, so it'll be good to get a good idea. Hopefully I can get that at least looked at this week.

I want to be passionate about something. Right now I'm passionate about being a better guy, and it's making a huge difference. Before I wanted it, but I wasn't passionate about it. Now I am, and that's good news. I'm still working on it, but at least now I can smile about the prospects.

But yeah, I want to be passionate about something. I think it'd be super cool to be passionate about my education, and then later my career. I think it's realistic. I can find it. Just gotta look.

so, 3:00 AM, my procrastination on calculus smote me a bit today. But it's not unbearable. I've got one paper to write tomorrow between calc and physics, and then a whole chapter of physics that I really should get done in the evening. That probably means I'll have to take a nap in order to be effective. I don't know how I feel about that. I know that it helps my schoolwork, but I don't know how I feel about the health effects. Is it worth the trade off? A big nap tomorrow means staying up late. Granted, I can sleep in on thursdays, but that just keeps me in this vicious cycle. I'll think about it. In any event, I'm pretty excited to give physics a go tomorrow. We're finally out of electricity and into magnetism, and that's really really good news.

How'd I do at being a better person today? Much better, and it feels good. Still several gaping holes where I wasn't a nice guy, but I can deal with that. I didn't do well at changing my sleep patterns, but I felt good about my efforts in the other categories.

So, I might come back this weekend, not sure. The high school play is on, and that'd be pretty great to go to. I've got a ride, and I'd be back up here for sunday like I need to be. I don't quite know if it's worth it or not, but I'll probably end up going down. Hooblay!

Alright friends, I'm out. Good luck tomorrow in your adventures. I'll catch you all later- I hope you're doing well.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Sixteen

1:28 AM - baby steps towards going to bed at a decent hour :)

Today was day two of moving towards being a better person. I woke up knowing what I wanted to work on, and I feel like I did a good job remembering that throughout the day. There were a lot of moments when I realized that I had just screwed up on a goal or on something I need to work on, but that made me pretty happy. The fact that I can notice when I do stupid things means that I can move towards not doing those stupid things anymore. Today was a good day because I was able to work on being better.

Am I better than I was yesterday? I think so. Still got forever and a day to go... but hey, I've got time. This is good news.

I said last night I'd explain a little better some of what happened this weekend. I don't want to go into too much detail right now, but a few things happened that made me more human than I've been for the past few months. I know that sounds incredibly stupid, but it makes sense to me. It's sort of like something that should have happened a really long time ago finally happened. It was very late, but it finally showed up. I don't really know why, but it helped things change considerably.

Yes, I know it has only been two days. But I'm feeling better. Best of all, I'm feeling hopeful that I can make this work. I'm behind on some things up here, but I know I can fight back up. I've let a few things go these past few months. No idea if they're salvageable, but I'm going to try.

Today was good, and I feel like I made progress on almost all of my points of emphasis. That makes me happy. I'm going to call it a night and go study. That's going to take care of two emphases at once. Good news.

I might be pretty scarce around here in the near future, we'll see how it goes. If I don't show up for a while, I want to thank everybody who has been here for this adventure. All of the encouraging comments really did help a lot. You're an incredible group of friends. There are probably some lurkers out there who I'm not aware of. You folks are cool too, even if I don't know that you're my friend yet.

Much love, and good luck. Things are going to be alright. Work feels good. Progress feels so good. I know that I'm going to screw up, but I'm going to keep on trying. Get back up, it's time to finish the race.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Fifteen

It's super late, too late to really post, but I wanted to stop by and say that it's working. I feel like things are changing. I feel like I can actually do what I have to do to make it work this time.

A lot of things have had to happen to come to this point. It's been a day, but so far I love it. It's a big story. I know that the story isn't done yet, but it took a pretty cool twist this past weekend. I didn't see it coming, but it's been waiting for a while I think.

One more step along the path, one more checkpoint. This weekend was good for me, good things happened. Today was a good day. Tomorrow will be hard, just because it's so late right now. But I'm going to do my best. I've got a plan, and I've got reasons for working. It's go time.

I hope to stop by tomorrow and do a better job explaining things, when I've got a little bit more time. I'm really considering taking a hiatus, and posting only occasionally like Melissa plans to do. No guarantees. But for now, I'm just going to keep up running, cause that's what I want to do. Much love friends, goodnight.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Fourteen

Why are things the way that they are? Who am I, and when did I start being me?

I'm not happy with the way things are right now. And what that really means is that I'm not entirely satisfied with the way that I am right now.

And I've been dissatisfied with this for a while, as the blog history will show. And my efforts up to this point have been more or less unsuccessful.

Tonight was a good night that made me want to be better. And so here I stand, once again, writing a post, vowing that I'm gonna go do better. See, the most interesting thing about all of this is that I'm not doing anything that much differently than I was doing before. I'm not doing bad things or being a bad guy. I just don't feel as good about myself as I used to. I recognize that there's a lot of work that I need to do to become a better person.

But like I said, I know I've been here before. I've started many a quest. I've halfheartedly failed a lot of quests too.

But all of that considered, I'm not down and out yet. I am going to make this work. I've got a goal. And maybe it won't work out, and I'll be right here again in a week. And if that's the case, then that's the case. I'm going to keep getting up, and I'm going to keep trying. After I've worked hard enough, I'm going to learn what it is that I need to learn. I'm not giving up.

So here we are. Writing a post that's pretty much been written before. An author with dwindling desire to write and an audience with dwindling desire to read. So maybe it does look like fall outside the window, but it's alright, because spring is going to come. And whatever happens, I will keep getting up. Yep, I've been better than I am right now. And I want to be that good again, and I want to be even better than that. But it takes work.

So here I go, to work.

Thanks for being around friends. I hope things are great for you.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Thirteen

I am proud to announce that I am not posting tonight either. I'm only here so I don't ruin my pretty dang long streak of posting every day. Much love, I hope you're all doing well.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Twelve

Hey, happy Thursday. I'm here to say that I'm not posting tonight. Yes, I know that this is a post. But I'm not posting anything else, other than to say that I'm doing good over here. Nobody's dead, nobody's even in mortal peril that I know of. I'm just doing something I feel like doing- not posting.

I hope you're all doing well. I should have a phone by tomorrow. I'm in town, maybe we should party down.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Eleven

Happy Wednesday. I've had a lot of fun tonight. Tonight was probably the closest I've come this whole time to "having fun" the way that I imagined I would. I've had a lot of fun all sorts of other times, that's for sure. But tonight was sort of the classic adventure that you hear about and love.

Me, Brad, and Andrew went to the fieldhouse to play some basketball. The courts were full, so we played squash instead. Squash is like raquetball the same way that the phonebook is like the internet. You know that they're both related and so some of the same tasks, but one is just a lot slower and less fun than the other. We had a good time playing around with the different game mechanics, though.

The fieldhouse is a pretty cool building. It's like a big warehouse. It's just bit and open, with all sorts of fun stuff going on inside. The squash court is up on the second floor, tucked away in a small box-room that's tucked away inside a bigger box-room. I have this insane vision of setting up a blanket and a projector in there and watching a movie for a romantic date. It's one of those rooms or parts of a building that is so not normal. It's the kind of stuff that's fun to explore, because it's outside the realm of what you're used to. It's tucked away, twice. Narrow hallways and too many doors. It's just fun.

We were able to play some basketball after squash, and that was good times. We're not good, but we have a good time.

We drove to McDonalds to get some food and rent Iron Man from redbox. I'd never seen it, and I loved it. That's just a cool movie. It's well done. I don't have much else to say about it, but I know that I enjoyed it. I don't have to qualify it from a literary standpoint, I just had a good time.

It was fun to hang out with Brad and Andrew and have an adventure like that. Fun to watch the movie with Levi and Kyle, too, but the majority of the adventure was with the other two.

I only have one class tomorrow, and it doesn't start till 12:30. I'm going to get up a little early so I can study physics and go get registered to vote up in Logan so I don't have to drive home to vote come November. Still undecided as to who to vote for.

But it's been a real relaxed evening that's just been fun.

I'm not nice to kyle, and that bugs me. When I get to know people really well, I get really comfortable and casual around them. Kyle is the epitome of that effect. I'm nice to people I don't know, but sometimes I'm just a butthead when it comes to dealing with Kyle. That's something that I know needs to change, cause I really care about Kyle. He's a good kid, and when we're working together, we do pretty good stuff. I know he knows all that business deep down, but that's still no excuse for me to be not super nice to him. That's a good goal to work towards.

My phone's been dead for a while now. It'll be back to functioning capacity come Friday, if everything goes according to plan. That'll be great news. If you've called or sent a text that I haven't responded to, I apologize. I'll do my best to take care of that as soon as I have a working phone again.

Good day today. I got some good stuff done, I had a lot of fun, and I feel like I'm prepared for what tomorrow will bring. I'm so excited to come home.

Well friends, it's time for me to head out. I hope you're doing well. Happy college, everybody. I'll catch you all later.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Ten

Ten days trying to remember that I'm the man for the job. Remembering is pretty hard some times. But we're getting there.

I think one of the hardest things to do up here is to remember the big picture. Things get so tiny up here so fast. Sometimes it's hard to see beyond the end of the day's assignments.

It is so nice to get a glimpse of big pictures though. I read a few paragraphs about scholarships today. An assignment for scholar's forum gives us an option of doing a few of those things, and one of those things is writing a letter to someone who gave you a shot at coming to school because of a scholarship.

It was just really cool to step back and see that people were actually funding me because they believe in me. A couple of sources. Utah State, the federal government, ATK/chamberwest. That's pretty incredible.

I feel pretty inadequate sometimes. I started my calculus assignment tonight at one. That's late. It wasn't because I was working on other stuff today, it was just because I was really being a slacker. I don't work as hard as I can up here. I'm not doing all the awesome things I could be. Sometimes I feel like I'm just sucking it up.

And that's a really really close-picture mindset. In all honesty, yeah, my schoolwork isn't all that great right now. I do plan on getting a 4.0, but I still feel like I could be doing much better. Day by day, I'm not doing too great.

Stepping back, though, things are going better. I'm taking decent care of my body. My bloodsugar levels used to be much better than they were at home. The past few weeks have been a little worse than usual, but I think I can get it back into swing. I've been doing more exercise up here than I was doing my senior year of high school. Thank you PE class and giant hill between me and campus. I'm learning how to cook and shop for myself. I've finally found the value of a clean room and a clean kitchen. I've started taking the garbage out without anybody telling me to. As life goes, I'm starting to be a useful roommate instead of an appreciated and loved parasite like I was at home.

I am moving towards graduation, as ridiculous as that sounds. I don't know what degree I'm doing to graduate with just yet, but I'm moving towards it. I'm knocking down some generals and learning some stuff. I'm more educated now than I ever have been before.

There's a lot that needs to be done. And I know that I'm not doing as well as I should be. But I'm not dead yet. And I'm not giving up.

I read Nate Cunningham's email to everybody from tonight. I haven't been reading them, but I decided to tonight, and it was really cool. He's way pumped up about everything in the MTC, it makes me happy. It got me all excited to go serve.

To be honest, that's something that I'm so happy about. Knowing that a mission is in my future gives me a lot to smile about. I feel so inadequate here. I'll be inadequate there, too, but that's an inadequate that I know how to fix. That's one of those things that I know is going to work out. It's a two-year investment that pretty much can't be the wrong thing to do. I know that that's what I'm supposed to do, and I know that everything is going to be so much better because I did it. It'll be incredibly hard work, but it's what I want to do. It won't magically change me into a better person, but I know that I'll become better through doing it. That's just a great plan, I gotta say.

so, I spent most of today pretty discouraged. But it's 2:24, and I'm feeling pretty encouraged. I'm really considering sluffing physics tomorrow. I sleep through it everyday anyways- what if I spend that hour doing work instead?

A final thought before I leave- As me and kyle walked out of the engineering building today I spotted a one-dollar-bill lying on the ground. I pointed it out to kyle, but I didn't pick it up. I didn't pick it up because I feel like money on the ground carries an incredibly large responsibility. Once you pick that up, your first task is to try to find out who it belongs to. Failing that, you have to do something incredible with it. My first thoughts are donate it to charity or use it to change the world. I couldn't really pocket that one dollar bill, because I wouldn't feel that good about it. I'd have to give it to something great or do something to help someone with it. It couldn't just be mine.

So, kyle picked it up, and we discussed this all the way home. I explained that I hadn't picked it up because of the great responsibility that I felt like it carried, and Kyle explained why he picked it up and why he's going to use it to pay for a haircut in a few weeks. We took the conversation pretty light and easy, having a lot of fun arguing back and forth. I had fun with it, and I hope I didn't make Kyle feel bad.

But the whole thing got me thinking. Kyle was sort of "given" that one dollar bill. From wherever, you decide. Be it divine intervention or whatever you want to call it, Kyle had a dollar bill bestowed upon him. I take that sort of seriously. When I have things bestowed upon me, I feel like I have a responsibility to make the most of it.

And I realized that I've got a lot of stuff bestowed upon me all the time. Fifteen minutes of free time that I've been "bestowed"- What am I going to do with that? A particularly good hair day- What about that one?

I don't live my life like that, but I start to wish that I did. I know that if I work harder, my life is going to get better on a lot of fronts. There's a lot of reasons for me to work to be great. Being great for the right reasons is pretty incredible. That's something that I want to be. That's something that I've forgotten. That's something that I just realized that I need to remember, that's good news :)

2:30, sounds like a great time to skeedaddle out of here and start some important study. Thanks for letting me write. That's code for "thanks for not leaving mean comments telling me to stop writing." Things are tough. For everyone. But I want to be better. And I'm going to work at it. I need it.

Happy Tuesday evening. I'm coming home this weekend, and I'm so excited about that. Much love, I'll catch you all later.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Nine

So, I'll admit- I'm a big sucker for cool slogans or inspirational lines. I really love athletic companies because they have such cool lines. Honestly.

Levi has a Nike poster hanging in his bedroom. It's got Steve Prefontaine running on a beach. In the bottom corner, very minimalist, is one line. "You know how far you have to go."

I haven't liked that line until tonight. I always thought it was a bit of a let down. Nike has always had good lines. This one didn't hit me like the other ones.

But I'm loving it tonight. I have a lot of questions in my life right now. I have a lot of goals and things that I want to do. Hopes and dreams, wishes, all those things that I'm trying to get.

And I'm looking at my life and realizing- I know how far I have to go.

I have no idea what the answers to my questions are. But I know that I can find them. And I pretty much know what I need to do to find those answers. In a very real way, I know how far I have to go. Those answers are out there for me. They're out there for you too, I think. They don't come without work. I like knowing that I can do work to find out what I want. That's reassuring.

I've got classes. I know how far I have to go to make things work. I can realistically pull a 4.0. It's not something I've really been planning on lately. But I can do it. I'm not saying I will. But if I do decide to do it, I know how far I have to go.

I just really love that line tonight. I feel it, I believe it. I know what I need to do to find out. I know what I need to do to find out *how* to find out.

I have no idea how to get from the beginning to the end. But somehow I know what I've got to do to get to the next step. I can see that far.

And I'll go. I don't know it all, but I know enough to get to the next step. I know how far I need to go. I love it.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Eight

3:47 AM - Must be calculus.

It's late, so I won't say too much tonight.

I want to remember more. One of my recurring fears here is that I never stay on one thing long enough to make any real progress. I get so excited about something and move towards it, and then I'll get distracted and stop. I'll get excited about something else and move forward with that.

I want to remember what has happened in the past. I'm talking the distant past, as well as what happened yesterday. I feel like my life is pretty fragmented. Blogging every day should help that, but if I don't do any real pondering about what happened in the past, it's not going to sink in. I need to actively think about it and wonder about it. This will take work.

So that's the goal for the week. Longer than that. That's the goal for my life- to remember. I have that fear that this will be something I'll forget. But this is what I want to work on. I believe in myself here. After all, I am the man for the job.

And, should I fail, I'll have another chance. That's good news.

What happened this week that was important? A good talk with a friend seems to be the most significant thing in my mind right now. Interesting that things I do for other people are more important than pretty much everything else. I should probably learn from that.

It's late, and my body has taken a beating tonight. Happy Sunday, friends. I hope this next week goes great for you. It's go time.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Seven

2:43 AM. Today has run the gamut of Christopher Thatcher statuses. I've played basketball and seen personal athletic accomplishment and smiles. I've been silly and joked with Andrew. I've felt a little sick and slept more than usual. I've been sloppy and ugly, and I've also gotten cleaned up and really liked my hair. I've been social and I've been a recluse. I've been a slacker and I've cleaned. I've disregarded the future and I've wondered and planned for what's coming up. I've been all over the place today.

I find myself with this fear, like I always do, that I change my mind and my direction the same way the wind plays and changes direction. I worry about that.

But I'm going to be alright. Even though I didn't move forward today in all the areas I feel like I should have, I did do some good things. Those things do count.

My thoughts tonight have been on sowing. I love that phrase, "Reap what you sow". It's very pungent and powerful to me. I've never done much planting or reaping, but it's something I've always been fascinated with. The very basic metaphor is just so earthy and real to me.

What did I sow today? I sowed a bit of physical health and achievement with basketball. I sowed some social friendshipping and spread a little bit of good will. I donated a dollar to the march of dimes, that's something. I did some sowing.

And beyond just today- I know that I'm doing some sowing just by being here. I'm learning a lot. It's not just academic. I'm learning how to live. More importantly, I'm learning so much about myself. I'm sowing what I hope will be a better living for myself and my family in the future. I'm sowing self-betterment, I hope.

There's a lot that I'd like to sow. But sowing is pretty hard. But it's worth it.

So I think that's my plan for this week. Sow. That's what I want to do. I want to be able to reap something when the time comes to reap. Hmmm, I like it.

No water update tonight, on account of me feeling like going to bed instead of staying up to write. But I am excited to write some more of it. Haha, look at me go.

Much love friends. I hope that things are well for you. I know that well is an adverb. And I know that I use it incorrectly. But I want to.

Goodnight everybody. My phone will be dead for a while. My charger isn't charging it, for whatever reasons. So hopefully by Monday it'll be better. But it's off for most of tomorrow. Please catch me online if you need or want to talk to me.

Okay, for reals, much love, and happy Saturday night. I'm off to do some high quality sowing before bed, actually. Good luck friends.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Six

3:04 AM - I've seen worse!

I went home last weekend and left my cell phone charger there. I knew my brother was driving up here on Friday, so I'd have it then. The plan was to make my cell battery last five days. It'd be like a mini-Hanukkah-style-adventure for me.

I kept my phone off for most of the daytime, and turned it on at night when I knew chances of getting texts from people would be higher. There were a couple times during the week when I turned it on between classes because I felt like it, and I'm very glad I did.

The moral of the story is that it's not Friday night at 3:06 AM, and my charger is out sitting on the counter. I haven't plugged my phone in yet, but it's still working off that first charge. I totally made it. I'm pretty happy with that.

I took the physics test today, and I'm very happy with how it went. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I'm feeling very comfortable with it. Jimbo did a good job explaining exactly what was going to be on the test, so I drilled those things down pretty tight, and it paid off. I know I missed a few points because I was missing a unit vector on one of the electric fields, but I'm hoping for very high 80's or low 90's. That'd be awesome.

I talked to some people I haven't talked to in a while tonight, and that was fun. I got to play a Free-for-all match with Dak and one of his buddies online tonight, and that was pretty sweet too. I'm not good at FFA matches, but I randomed zerg and pulled through in the end to win. I love playing against people. It's so much more rewarding than playing against computers. After we played we all talked politics and school and stuff for a while, which was actually really fun. Dak's another on of those guys that I really think is a stud. If proximity were different, I bet he'd be living with us right now. He's one of those guys that I think had he not gone to different schools, he'd be in the group. He's a good kid.

Not having the van has changed things a little bit. It's a lot harder to actually make it to the grocery store now. I know that we should find a good way around that, but we haven't yet. I'm honestly considering walking tomorrow. It's going to rain, yeah, but I need to hit the credit union anyways. All the cars that live in 36 are home for the weekend, so unless Katie wants to take me places, I might be on foot. It's not too bad though. It'll be bitter cold, but a little bit of cold and wet walking never hurt anyone but all those settlers on the plains.

So, I had a bit of an urge to write something tonight. So I did, haha. As a warning, it's more water. It's a new little section, though. I'm not trying to be professional here. I just sort of want to write something, so I'm going for it. I understand it's not "good" and that it's pretty stupid. I'm not trying to be good here. I'm doing it cause that's what I want to do. I'm not trying to compete with any of the talent out there, cause I know I'm way outclassed, and I like those folks too much to try to beat them at something anyways.

So, without further ado- the first part of a little storyline I want to follow.

The Ballad of Stan - Part One

Stan skidded and turned the corner into the spacious room, panting from the run. In the middle of the basement lecture hall stood the one man Stan was hunting.

Evil Jackson had been pacing nervously, listening to the sounds of battle above him. He was both the mastermind-behind and the key-to the plan that led to this afternoon's unfortunate skirmish. This position left him regretfully indispensable. He was the leader of these bad guys, and certainly one of their most feared combatants. He had been obliged, on account of his indispensable nature, to stay away from the battle in order to remain safe and ready to go through with the plan as soon as the opportunity presented itself, though. He would have much rather preferred to be clobbering good guys, but the team couldn't risk losing him at a time like this.

Looking up startled, he evaluated Stan quickly. The mission was too critical to be stopped now. They were so close to sealing the deal that would finally shift the balance of power into their hands. An intruder now could change everything. Evil Jackson could have finally met his match. He was surprised and relieved by what he saw.

Stan didn't strike fear into the hearts of those he contended against. Stan had gotten the short-end of the hero-ability-stick. He had been a social nothing before life as we all knew it changed, and he continued to be a social nothing right up until this brief moment in time. He wore a nice (but not that nice) polo and some jeans, not the standard issue cape of Saving Boston, the team fighting to save the world that day. He stood in the doorway like a kid unsure of where his next class was, not as the conquerer come to save the day from evil miscreants.

Evil Jackson knew he was more powerful than this intruder. As bad guys go, Evil Jackson was pretty powerful. Evil Jackson had gotten a pretty good ability stick, and he had certainly had ample opportunity to practice using that stick against good guys. Stan wasn't even a permanent member of Saving Boston, and Evil Jackson knew that Saving Boston would take pretty much anyone. Jackson's heart rate had spiked when he knew an intruder was breaching the room in order to foil the plot, but he settled down on seeing Stan. He had this in the bag. Still, he reminded himself, this kid had managed to make it past the defenses, he probably shouldn't let his guard down. Jackson tensed like a spring and waited to see what move this kid would pull, ready for anything.

Stan breathed a sigh of relief when he realized he'd found the right room. He smiled a big and innocent smile at Jackson, just like an old friend discovering the second half of a sandwich he thought he'd finished. Jackson didn't like being smiled at like a sandwich. He much preferred his enemies quaking with fear, or at least standing with some sort of defiance. Stan just looked happy to see him. Jackson dropped his guard for a minute. That move might have proved costly had Stan been anything more than a man looking for a metaphorical sandwich.

Beaming like a moron and walking down the aisle towards Jackson, Stan held out his hand for a good shake.

“I'm so glad to finally meet you, man. Today is going to work out just fine. Hi, I'm Stan, and you're going to finally make me worth something.”

~End first part

So, yeah. Happy Friday everybody. Looking forward to tomorrow a lot. I hope you're all doing well. Much love, and happy weekend. Hopefully I'll see some of you next weekend, score!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Five

3:08 AM.

I have a physics test tomorrow. I procrastinated getting ready for it until today, so it was a pretty stressful evening. I decided not to do my calc assignment, since the test is a lot more weighty right now. I'm going to take a 0 on that assignment, but that's the choice that I made. Nobody backed me into this corner but myself.

But I am feeling better about physics now than I was a few hours ago. I looked over some of the stuff that I know is going to be on the test, and I feel pretty good about it. I'm hoping to have some time between calc and physics tomorrow to go over some of that stuff, so that should be good. It'll be very interesting to see what I get. Wish me luck.

It's late, so I won't say much more. I would like to say that I miss how I used to work so hard at school. I used to do my very best at assignments just because I knew that was the right thing to do. I was all about excellence just for excellence's sake. I believed that if I worked harder, I'd learn more, and that if I learned more, I'd be a better person.

I do still believe those things, but my academic effort today wouldn't have shown it. You win some- you lose some.

Tomorrow's a new day. A new day with a physics test, sure, but a new day nonetheless. It should be good. I'm out~ Good luck friends, you're pretty cool.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Four

2:56 AM.

Okay, so I have an explanation. Me and Brad have been playing Star Wars Battlefront II for the last three hours. We've been waging a galactic war against each other for a couple of days now. There's a game type on there called galactic conquest. Each player starts with six or seven planets, and the map is sort of arranged like a chess or checkers board. You then move your fleet to attack their planets. When you do that, you start a normal battle like always, except that you can buy bonuses like a hero to fight with you or enhanced blasters.

Anyways, me and brad have been dead even for the past two days. I was actually holding a 7-6 lead to him. After tonight's marathon, Brad is leading 7-5. That's a big deal. He took out my main planet, Endor, and got a ton of credits for it. He's got about 2000 more credits, plus two more planets. He's in better striking position too. So, I'm sort of cornered. But I think I can make this work. I believe in myself. Chances are I'll keep you all posted.

So, yeah, didn't do any homework tonight. Surprise. But I'm not terribly dismayed by it.

I don't have class till noon tomorrow. And that class is recitation, so I *might* just stay home and study instead. My plan is to wake up at about 8:30 tomorrow and just start working on physics. I know that only gives me about five hours of sleep, but I think I can make it work. I took a nap today, and I think I can probably squeeze one in tomorrow too. I don't have any classes tomorrow that I can fall asleep in. It's sort of a crazy plan, but I think it could work. Of course, it's dependent upon me waking up tomorrow morning. I'm going to do my best.

It's funny how we value things. I didn't do any homework today, but because I did a few good things for my friends, I feel like it was a really successful day. Some things are just a lot more important than others. Homework is a big deal. Academic success is pretty crucial for me right now. I can't really afford to lose this scholarship. I really don't know what to expect right now. I think I'm doing well in all my classes, but I don't know how well. I don't have the slightest idea how grades are going to go down.

We're getting there, moving forward. I had a really good institute class today. I do love teaching the gospel. We had a lot of sharing today, and I just really love that.

It's funny how life goes. This delicate game that we all play. Sometimes I just have no idea what's gonna happen. But I know that things are going to work out. Sometimes I wonder if all the things I've invested time and energy into are going to pan out in the end. But I don't worry about that too much. Because no matter what happens with investments, I'm happy to be where I am because of what has happened. I don't think that anything could happen that would make me regret what has happened the past 18 years.

It used to be October 8th, and now it's sort of October 9th. Tomorrow I have a calc assignment to do and a beastly physics test to prepare for. Today was what it was, no questions about that. Tomorrow will undoubtedly be what tomorrow is. I sure hope that's a good thing.

This is Christopher Thatcher, boosting his google results by using my full name more often, and signing out for the night. I hope that you're all doing well.

On a lark, I'll link you to one comical picture. You know it's safe cause it's linked from my blog and not somewhere else. If you can't see why it's so hilarious, look in the bottom right hand corner at the signs on the wall. Goodnight friends, much love.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Three

Happy day three friends.

It's a little bit later than I want it to be, and so tonight will be pretty short. I was a pretty big slacker when it came to homework tonight, so I'm going to have to pay for it tomorrow by being tired and underprepared.

But it's alright, because I'm feeling pretty encouraged right now. I didn't do a great job on calculus tonight, but I enjoyed doing it. I'll have to take a much closer look at the next assignment. I think I can get it though.

I have a physics test on Friday. I got 88 percent or so on the last one, but I really want to get 100 on this one. I know that I can do it. I've got a lot of study and work to do to make it happen, but I think I can do it. I'm hoping to make flash-cards.

Tomorrow is a pretty big swing day when it comes to how the rest of the week will play out. If I do well tomorrow, I can make this week work out, even though I was a slacker today. If I'm a slacker tomorrow like I was today, my physics score will drop accordingly. It's an important day.

I need to do a better job eating. I do more grazing than eating. Grazing is a lot harder to handle when it comes to bloodsugar. Solid meals are much easier to take care of. I need to do better taking care of myself.

So, friends, this uneventful post is coming to an uneventful end. I do wonder what it would be like to take a few days off of blogging. I'm not saying I'm going to, but I'm sort of toying with the possibilities. I'm under no obligation to keep writing, and while I do certainly like what it's done for my life and for everything else, it might be interesting to take a few day hiatus. We'll see. If I do decide to take a break you'll know long in advance, cause that's how I roll.

James started a blog. Everyone's favorite commenter is now found at The good news is that since his blog is new, blogger gives you a warning to let you know that he might be a terrorist spammer of death before you actually go to his blog. James isn't a terrorist spammer, so it's okay to go visit him.

2:37 AM. I've got class in a little under seven hours. Still about 40 minutes left in my tonight before I fall asleep. Could be worse, and I brought it on myself. Alright friends, I'm out. Happy Tuesday evening. Good luck tomorrow- it ought to be a good day.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day Two

Day two - yes, we do take this stuff seriously.

Today was a good day in Logan. School was in session, and while I had my share of poor academic choices today, I still feel good about my efforts today. I talked with my family last night about my tentative plan to become a high school math teacher. Of the four people I was talking with, three of them are teachers. The other one is married to a teacher and used to be my boss. We talked about the advantages and disadvantages of pursuing a career in education. It was pretty enlightening, and very encouraging. They gave me some good advice as to how to proceed to find out if this is what I really want to do.

Today was a good day. But I feel more like talking about what my thoughts have been on today instead of what I did and didn't do today. So, I'll go for that.

What I wrote about last night was very important to me. I believed it then, and I still wholeheartedly believe it now. I see it as an important moment in my life. It joins the filing-cabinet of other very important moments in my life.

One of the really cool things about what happened last night is the trail that it left in my life. I'm able to look at what actually happened, and I'm able to look back in history and see a lot of the steps that needed to happen first in order for it to happen. Thanks to a lot of factors, I have a pretty good picture of the incredibly complex and well-orchestrated development of that life lesson.

There are only a very few events in my life that have left such a paper trail. One of the most significant is the way that I met one particular friend who became very important to me. I believe it was the summer betwixt eighth and ninth grade, and I made a choice to go somewhere I didn't particularly want to go that day but felt that I should. That choice changed a lot of things in my life.

I won't tell the whole story here, although I do feel it's a pretty good one. The point here is that there are some things in my life where I am able to look back at what's happened over a long period of time and see a specific moment being built up decision by decision. Without a very long line of preliminary parameters being met, those things just couldn't have happened.

There are two explanations that I can see that sort of explain that. The first explanation is that those moments were planned from the start, and that we've been moving towards them from the very beginning. The second possible explanation that I see is that these events are unplanned, but that they happen because of the choices that we've made. They wouldn't have happened had we not made the choices that we did in order to set up the scenario in the proper way, but they did happen since we did.

In general, I prefer a mix of the two options. I do believe that these moments and events in life are not just happenstance. But I also believe that they are brought about because we choose to move in that direction. It's a team effort here.

The moral of my story, I believe, is that a lot of things happen in life. A lot of very important things, actually. Sometimes I'm able to peer back in wonder and awe at the orchestration that actually let those things happen. A lot of pieces had to be moved to the right squares to make it work. I'm always amazed at how very complex those motions were. It's no simple task, making things like this happen. Trails are set in motion years in advance. This is pretty heavy business.

More often than not, though, I haven't seen the paper trail. Aside from the things I learned last night and meeting Hope, I don't know if there are any other things that I have really appreciated the paper trail on as much.

What's important, though, is that I know it was there. Even if I never saw it or appreciated it, I know that it was there. The decisions that I make do make a difference to what happens. That's heavy.

When I've thought back on situations and wondered, "what would have happened had I done X instead of Y?" I'm always a little bit worried. I don't like that possibility.

So there's a lot of paper trailing going on in my life right now. I don't see it. I didn't see any of it until I had felt so much about the lesson that I learned that I peered back. Until I learn a lesson or have an event, it's very difficult to see the paper trail that leads to it. But I know that it's happening.

And that means that I have to be pretty active when it comes to choosing what I'm going to do. If the choices that I made before led to the things that have happened so far, choices I make in the future will continue to build. I'm terrified of the history that could have been had I done different things. I don't know what the future is, but I don't want to miss something incredible.

I believe that the difference will be made for me in the very little things. When I feel like I should do something, that's a giant flashing neon sign saying that I should definitely do it. The future depends on it.

This makes me think of things that I should do. Some are long term, and some are very short term. But I do believe they're important. I'm going to get cracking on those.

Much love friends. Happy day two. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and I think that's pretty great news. It's also Tyrel's birthday, so you should all text him a happy birthday. I'm off to move forward. Good luck friends, thanks for being around.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day One

My name is Christopher Thatcher, and I'm living my life.

Last night taught me a lot of things that I've been waiting to learn for a very long time. Things have changed a little bit since I last wrote, so I'm here to fill you in.

At 3:30 last night I was pacing the kitchen in my madrigal slippers. I was thinking about a mission and how close it was. I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was 3:30. I was filled with a reminiscent feeling and some comfort. I was home. Things were exactly the same way that they'd always been. I was where I'd always been, I was thinking the things that I'd always thought. It was a very familiar and comforting scene.

As I pondered that, I realized that my childhood is over. I don't live there anymore. I've accepted adult responsibilities and privileges. I won't find myself living at home for more than a few months here and there ever again. These feelings were significant because they were the first time I'd ever realized that my childhood was essentially over.

But I started remembering all the things I'd done there. At the house, in Taylorsville, in that kitchen, at that table, during my childhood. I remembered some of the good times and some of the bad times. I remembered the person that I had been while I was living at home.

A lot of things came together yesterday, and that thinking and writing and praying last night sort of capped it off. I realized something that is very important to me.

"I've been trying to change my life- but I'm already the man for the job"

I remember who I've been. I remember the things that I've accomplished and the people that I have loved. I remember the work that I did to become that person. I remember the people who taught and guided me along that path. I remember what was asked of me and what I faithfully supplied.

Last night I realized that that's the person that I want to be. More importantly, I realized that that's the person that I am.

This is a declaration of sorts. I am not a scumbag. I am a good person. I am capable of a lot. I want to do much good. I know who I am.

There are things that I need to change, yes. I am not perfect, and the struggles of my life are still present. But I had forgotten who I was. I had forgotten to the point that I was trying to become someone else to make things work. And that is not the answer.

I know that I need help. But now I know that it's me that needs that help, not some other guy that I'm trying to become.

I've done hard things. I know where my strength comes from. As I rely on God, I can make it through this thing we call life.

This is the mound on which I wholeheartedly plant my flag. This is what I've been searching for. This is not the silver bullet that will take all my troubles away, but this is a crucial step towards progression. I believe that my life has been what it has been so that I can learn this lesson. I don't believe I'm finished learning- not this lesson and certainly not all the lessons.

But this is important.

Who am I? I'm Christopher Thatcher, and that's so incredibly important for me to know. Things are a little different now.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Change My Life Blogaday - Day Fourteen

2:33 AM. Wouldn't trade the last hour for sleep, since I spent it talking with my brothers about good stuff. Could have cut out some starcraft tonight though.

Great day today though. Conference is something that I really need right now. Priesthood session made me feel so, clear-headed, I guess. It helped me understand things a lot better. It made me appreciate a lot of stuff, and helped me remember who I am and what I've got to do. I came home and wrote a lot of good stuff in my journal about it, and that makes me happy. I feel like I'm more capable of facing what's out there now. It was something that I needed.

I'm headed back up to Logan tomorrow. I'll probably be back down in another two weeks since we have that Friday off. I might sneak back next weekend to see All-State, but I haven't decided quite yet.

It's weird to come home and then leave so soon. I know it's just the way things work, but it all seems so fleeting.

It's pretty late, though, and I don't have a lot to say on top of the amazing things that have already been said today. My thoughts tonight are on making myself a better person and on going on a mission. That's somewhere in the neighborhood of eight months away. That's not that long. It's something that I'm really excited about. I know it's the right thing to do. I don't know if I'll ever feel prepared for it, but I'm going for it. That is one thing that does make me smile. I'm the man for the job. That means something special to me. There's a lot of history and learning behind that line.

Can I just say that I love history? I love the way that our lives work. I'm not entirely contented with the way my life is right now. I'm not always happy. I spend more time sad in this part of my life than I have in most other parts of my life. But on top of all that, I do know that things are going to be okay. And I do know that even if some things aren't great right now, they're going to turn out alright later. And I know that even if sometimes I suck, I know that I haven't always sucked. I appreciate the fact that what has happened before has helped me be where I am. And I appreciate that that stuff doesn't just vanish because I've gone off to school. The things I learned, the relationships I made, and the skills that were developed, that sticks around. That stuff doesn't put me on top of the world in Logan, and it doesn't give me the giant leg-up that it always gave me at home. But it's important. And it's in the toolbox. Nothing can really take that out of the toolbox. And because it's in there, I can do things I wouldn't be able to do otherwise. I do appreciate history.

I sort of wish I was more spiritual on this blog. Almost everything I write has a spiritual basis here. I just never come out and say it. Why is that? Am I worried about offending people? Maybe it's time to just start offending them anyways. That stuff is important to me. Perhaps I'll become more bold as time goes on.

It is goal-setting time. My goal for this week: The day after I write a post, read it again. The same goes for my journal entries. I'm going to start doubling up and following my trail. This will probably change the way that I write a little bit. Subconsciously, of course. I don't know when I will read it all. I think it'd be ideal to do it in the morning. But we'll see. We've got time to experiment. I'm not putting any constraints down on it, other than to say that I will read it.

Today was excellent, because of conference. I'll share one line that I really loved from President Uchtdorf. "Stand close together, and lift where you stand." I love it. I think I'm putting it up on the fridge when I get back to Logan. Friends, I don't talk to you nearly enough. But I do care about you. And I am trying, for what it's worth. I think that there'll be a shindig at my place on the 17th, I hope. No promises yet, but somebody remind me when it gets closer. Okay, much love friends. I'll catch you all on the flipside. I hope you have a wonderfully uplifting sabbath.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Change My Life Blogaday - Day Thirteen

1:11 AM - Weekend excuse, anyone? Is that twelve o'clock goal even still on the table? Let's be serious here. I certainly haven't been living my life like it is. I have done so much better at getting to bed. But that's not twelve. That's one or two instead of three or four. That's a big difference.

I'm at home tonight, and that makes me real happy. I haven't been home for about a month. I never really planned on going that long without coming home, but I guess it sort of worked out that way.

It's really good to be home, though. It's good to be with my parents and talk to them and joke with them a little bit. It's really cool to see how things around here have changed. It's only a month, and it's not a big deal, but the yard is doing well. Our tomato plants are finally bearing tomatoes (that means me and Andrew get to take some to Logan- Score!) and the pumpkin patch exploded. We have some seriously huge pumpkins growing. It makes me happy to see the old sandbox being so incredibly fertile.

I love that transformation. It was a sandbox for us kids for many years. Totally infertile. Once we were all more grown up and the swing-set gone, we started dumping our leaves from the tree and the clippings from the lawn in there in hopes of it going all mulchy composty. At the request of the kids, we tossed the pumpkin guts and seeds out there from last time we carved. Dad borrowed a tiller this spring and tilled the whole thing up.

Flash forward a few months and we have the biggest residential pumpkin patch I've ever seen. Okay, so it's not like, huge, but it's big. Takes up almost all of the sand box. And spills over several feet onto the lawn in every direction. It just makes me happy to see it happen, that's all.

Mom and Dad started a tiny remodeling project in the house too. They're just changing the way our entry-way works a bit. Taking out the two closets that used to be there and making it a lot wider. We're gonna put the piano out front in the entry way (I know, I know...). It'll be pretty good though. It's a nice change, at least.

A few thoughts. Nuggets, I suppose.

I'm very excited for conference tomorrow and Sunday. College has been very good at a lot of things. One of those things has been breaking me down a little bit. I know I really need some help, and I'm excited to get some good instruction. That stuff is good for you.

I watched the fourth quarter of the Utah State v. BYU game tonight. Can I just say that I'm incredibly proud of my Aggies? That was an incredible quarter. Two touchdowns. They sacked Max Hall, AND made them punt it away after gaining almost nothing that one time. If we forget the bogus penalty call, they got their sweetly kicked offside-kick back. Neglect one more penalty call, and they scored maybe a third time. And did anyone see that INCREDIBLE QB keeper where he got 18 yards for the first down? He was shakin' and bakin' like nobody's business. It made me proud.

So, yeah, we lost. I wouldn't have it any other way against BYU. But we played well. And we played our hearts out. Fight to the very very end, even though we know we're out. That was a GREAT moral victory for the Aggies. That one makes me really happy. It's really hard not to be happy for those guys right now.

This is actually the first time I've consciously used "we" when referring to Utah State sports. Look at me go, being proud of my team.

I had some important thoughts last night after I posted. I went to bed pretty late, since I had taken naps. I don't like what naps do to the next day, but I love the effect they have on late night. I'm awake and pensive, and I just really value that time.

Anyways, I thought about community. Specifically, I knew I was coming home, and I thought about my ward. I won't be visiting my ward this week because of conference, but I remember how much they care about me and want me to succeed. I've been in the ward my whole life, and because of the demographics, I'm fairly well known there. That's just the way wards work. I thought about coming back and telling all the families and people about how I've been doing, what I've been accomplishing, and where I'm headed in the future. I thought about them smiling and encouraging me. I remembered a lot of the good things they've done for me to bring me to where I am. All the scout leaders, teachers, priesthood leaders- that's a whole lot of service rendered in order to help me become something great. It was a nice thing to remember. It was a very "home-y" feeling.

It really made me want to work hard, though. Remembering that all those people realy cared about me. They want me to succeed. Not only that, but they've got a vested interest in my success. They've been a part of my development. They've helped me become who I am, so why shouldn't they be rooting for my success? I didn't want to let them down. And I still don't want to let them down. And that same level of thought came my friends. Kirt, Kasey, Jose, Jared. They care about me too. I have a reason to try to be excellent. It's not just for me.

Thinking about all of this makes me remember all the older guys I used to run with. Noaksey, Porter, Clements, Whiting. I think Whiting is actually home now. But I remember those guys. I remember that they helped me. They cared too. And that makes me want to do better.

It's interesting how very strong that feels to me right now. I think it's interesting because I haven't thought about those people for a very long time. I haven't thought about living my life for other people for a while. I'm conscious of those around me, don't get me wrong. I try to serve, and I recognize that I'm not here just for me. But the idea of being excellent because it'll make other people smile, that's something I haven't thought of for some time. It's been there- it's not entirely new. But that's something I should hold on to.

This feeling contrasts with something I felt tonight. Something I've felt a lot, actually. I sort of hate discovering other people's blogs. I'm always very excited about it, but I'm secretly always threatened when I find them. Sophomore year was a bit of a blow when I discovered Jaron's blog. I found this kid that thought just as much as I did, and he wrote a little better too. Here he was, doing something that I did, and he was doing it well. I'm always a tiny bit upset when I see people write about how awesome they're doing with their life. How they're learning things about themselves and how they're moving forward.

This is not a calculated response, and it's not something I want to do. It's a sign of immaturity and insecurity. Now, mind you, this isn't some huge thing. And when it happens I fight it. But I do want to change it.

It's interesting because that's the exact opposite response as compared to the community or ward effect. With the community effect, people want you to succeed, they're on your side- just because they care about you. With the immaturity effect, I sorta want people not to, because that somehow threatens me.

Obviously everything points against the immaturity effect. Rightly so- it's a load of tosh. That's just something I want to root out of me. I do care about people. I care about a lot of people. And I am so happy for them when they succeed. My example from earlier, Jaron, is one of my favorite people ever now. I'm behind him one hundred percent. I would love to see him succeed, truly. So I know that I'm not a dirtbag all the time. I know that it changes. But what makes it change? How do I stop being threatened and start caring about people? How do I start loving people just for being people? How do I gain the maturity to be okay with not being the absolute best?

Some important stuff happened last night. I felt something very important as I was lying there getting ready for bed. Not a new feeling, but something that I hadn't felt just like that for a very long time. It came to me by surprise. When it came I felt like walls inside of my chest came down and relaxed. I felt like I had physically and mentally and spiritually changed by what I had felt. I didn't feel like I was suddenly a new person, but I felt like I had a little bit more. As some topics go, this isn't exactly the place to be discussing it. But it's out there if someone wants to talk about it, you know how to reach me. It was good for me.

What does it mean to be a good person? "What is the good life, and how do we live it?" What does it take to change my life? What does it take to change me into someone better? Who do I want to be? Who am I? What does that mean?

I've had a desire lately to start reading my blog posts and journal entries from the previous night before I leave the apartment in the morning to work. I think that'd be a pretty good idea. I've never done that before. I sort of wish I was a morning person.

But now it's time for me to end this post. Molly gave me a shout-out on her post tonight. Someone remind me to give her a shout-out from here soon. I've got one stored up for her, and it's actually pretty important. But I don't think it fits with tonight so I'll save it for later. Maybe if I wait long enough I'll tell her in person. But probably not, cause it fits a lot better here than it does in person.

What do I know? Whatever it is that I do know, I've got a responsibility to myself and to others to go use it to make myself and my world better. Bringing it together is important.

This is Christopher Thatcher, signing on out. Happy Friday, friends. Happy life. I hope you're doing excellent. Good luck on your quests. I do want you to succeed. I do care about you. Much love~

Friday, October 03, 2008

Change My Life Blogaday - Day Twelve

1:55 AM.

It feels early, which is the scary part here. My current mood is pretty contented. I read my physics chapter today and did the whole assignment. That was my goal for the day, and I got it done. It feels good to have it done. The assignment used to be due tomorrow night, but it got changed to Monday. In any event, it's taken care of, and that feels really good.

I sluffed recitation today in order to stay home and read the chapter. I think it was a pretty good call. I didn't have a quiz in there today. I got up at about 11:40, ate, then read my chapter. Had I gone to recitation, I'd have had to get up, get ready, walk to the fine arts building (at least a 15 minute walk) and then try to read in the uncomfortable desk. So, I don't really condone sluffing. But it worked out well for me today.

I've been doing better with schoolwork lately. Me and Andrew are in the midst of a food crisis now though. We should have gone shopping for milk a couple of days ago, but never did. We're going home tomorrow, so it seems like a waste to go tomorrow. So, we'll probably get milk on Monday. Or better yet we'll buy some at home and bring it up. That'd be sweet. In any event- it's interesting to see how life consists of more than schoolwork. Just because I'm doing okay in physics now doesn't mean that I don't have to worry about food. It's a good system.

So... not too much deep thought going on right now. So I'll just run with a few ideas, since that's the business I'm in.

I'm going home tomorrow for the first time in a month. I know a month isn't that long, but as far as I know, that's the longest I've been away. I don't really miss home. I really love being there, and I really love my family, but I don't feel a gaping hole in my life when I'm not there. I don't call my mom nearly as often as I should. It's just not something that comes up. I know she'd like to hear from me, so I should work on that. But I am very excited to go home. Not for any particular reason, but I'm just happy to go be there. It's so cool that it's different now though, you know what I mean? Going home was something I used to do every day after school. Now it's a really big treat. It'll be fun to see my family and give my mom a big hug. Dad's cool too.

Ultimate class today was really fun. I felt like I played pretty well. My throws and placement is getting a lot better. I still make some dumb choices sometimes, but I think I'm becoming more capable. I had a thought tonight- I'm pretty sure I can make myself a better ultimate player just by deciding to be. I'm not saying that I can take my skills to the next level, but I can play harder than I do. I don't mark (that means defend the guy with the disc) very aggressively unless it's Levi and I'm mad at him. When I'm mad at Levi I can usually get a hand-block. When I'm marking other people, though, I sort of let it slide. I know I won't go 100 percent on hand blocks just because I want to, but I can pressure them more and make their life harder. That's something I want to start doing. I want to be tenacious. I had some cool plays out there today, but I'd like to be known for tenacity. That's just a good word.

Happy Birthday to Kyle tomorrow (friday). We didn't get anything cool set up for him as roommates, but I hope he has a good day anyhow. He's a good kid. I'm very glad we're buddies and that I'm living with him. We give him grief, but it's cause we love him.

Not a bad day at all. I took a nap (or two) when I didn't really have to. That hurts my progress towards getting to bed at a decent time.

I wonder if things are temporarily easier or if I really am getting better at all this. I still have really tough moments, but this week has been better. I'm appreciative of that.

How'd I do at changing my life? Not too much changed today. But I feel good about the way I lived my life today. I feel good about the progress I made with classwork. Tomorrow looks like it should be pretty good. I don't have too much I absolutely have to do, and I'm really looking forward to going and being with my family. So this is me, signing out for the night. 2:10 AM. Late, but doing alright up here. Much love from Logan. Keep up the good work friends. It's going to be a good life, I'm thinking.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Change My Life Blogaday - Day Eleven

2:26 AM. Late, but dang happy about it.

Today went well. On a lot of fronts. There were a few fronts that didn't go well, but today was definitely better than it was worse. That's for a lot of reasons.

I got my calc test back today. I got 93/100. There were only 10 people above 90. The class has 40 people, so that looks pretty good. I lost two points on an easy arithmetic I just screwed up. The other five points came from the limit definition of a derivative, like I knew they would. But still, I was very very happy about it. Cannon (my professor, who is a stud) doesn't test very hard, but it still felt great to know that I understood stuff. That's more what it's about than anything. Yeah, having a good score is awesome, but this is actually proof that this college thing can work. It's hard to get to calculus on time, it's hard to do my homework before midnight, but I am learning. Maybe I can make it happen after all.

I slept through physics, again. Today was especially bad in there. I didn't stay awake for more than 10 minutes before I started dozing off. I was out for a few, and when I came back to I was all hot and uncomfortable. The right side of my chest was feeling tight and a little hurty. Not heart attack style. It kinda felt like my lungs do after I sleep in too long on a saturday and take a very deep breath. It wasn't any cause for alarm, but it made me uncomfortable. I wanted more than anything to just stand up and leave.

I could actually get a lot from the lectures if I'd read the chapters beforehand. That's hard to do. But it'd change things. Right now that's the class that I'm doing the worst in. More news on that later. But if I was going to focus on changing one class, I should probably focus on physics.

Creative Arts test today, I got an 88. That was more good news. That was only slightly above average, but I'm happy with it. Definitely a safe score. I really like creative arts. It's an honors class, so there's only 40 of us in there. Dr. Peterson is incredible. He knows who I am. It's insane. He knows I'm chris and he knows that I play halo and carry about Lawrence (or is it Laurence? I'm a terrible father!) six. After tonight, he knows about the jello story.

We had a "Creative Expo" for that class tonight. Since it's an honors class someone decided that'd be a cool idea. In theory, we all got together at six at the family life building and showed off our talents. In reality I showed up at 6:45 to something a whole lot cooler. We had had to move the room because the one we were planning on being in wouldn't work. That threw a lot of the talents out the window, since half the people wanted to play piano. But I showed up 45 minutes later to lots of pizza left and Dr. Peterson just chilling with all the kids that showed up. Just having a cool discussion, asking questions, just hanging out. It was so dang cool.

After a while we actually started sharing talents, and that was a lot of fun. One guy showed off some sick woodwork he did. Another girl read some poetry of hers. She prefaced it by saying that her writing was very personal, and that it didn't rhyme, because he worries more about conveying one emotion at one specific time. Jaron has spoiled me, that's for sure. He's got skills. Her poetry was a ton rougher than his, didn't have the polish. But there was something incredible about the first poem she read. Her words weren't really beautiful, but what she was saying was amazing. It was titled thunderstorm or something like that. Once again, not showing the poetic maturity I've come to expect from my friends, but still. She progressed from talking about a thunderstorm brewing inside of her to a teardrop that escaped to a ray of hope and light that got refracted off of that teardrop into a rainbow that promised the sun would come out another day. I'm not doing it justice, but the progression was just incredible. It was one of those things that hit me and made me remember that some people really are like me. I really related to it and loved it.

A few more talents were shared. Highlights include some cool artwork one guy did that I didn't get to see and chocolate zucchini muffins. Dr. Peterson asked if I had one, and since I hadn't prepared anything, I said no. When I saw that we still had lots of time and that things would be way chill, I decided to stand up and share my jello story. It was a cool environment to share it in, and I really appreciated how it went. I stood in front of the very casual and friendly group and just told my awesome jello story. They were really good listeners, and I think they liked it. Someone asked if I was going to ever recreate it, and I said, "Probably not. It was only cool because we did it so fast. If I recreated it I'd have all the time in the world, which wouldn't make it as cool." Dr. Peterson, being the stud he is, said, "No, it was cool because you had a reason to do it." I dunno why I thought that was so cool, but I really did. Actually, no, I do know why I think that's so cool. And I agree with him.

I did my physics tonight. It feels so good. I came home from the honors doober and read my chapter and then did the work. I finished the work at about 1:35 ish. I had done perfect until the last problem, which I got 0% on. So I did a few extra credit problems to make up for it and called it good. The material this time was really pretty easy. I love reading the chapter because then I actually understand it. I didn't read the last time, and it kicked my butt.

There's another assignment due Friday night, and I'd love nothing more than to just get it done tomorrow evening. The chapter is shorter than the one I did today, and so is the assignment. The material will be a little bit newer, but I think that I should be able to do it. That'd be great. Get that assignment done before it's actually due. That'd make friday sweet.

So that's the plan. Wake up before noon tomorrow and read the chapter. At least start it. It's late now, but I took a nap today. It was a strategic nap. I've been shying away from those lately, in an attempt to change my life. But it worked out today pretty well I think.

The news: Life feels better when I do my physics homework. Life also feels better when I'm with people, being friendly. Life feels good when I remember good things that have happened before.

That is one thing I've noticed. I think that coming to a completely new environment like this sort of shocked me into a hard reboot. I came back with the same hardware and software, but I felt like I was totally different, that I didn't have anything that I had worked so dang hard at to get before I came up. Telling the Jello story tonight made me remember the past. Made me remember some of the stuff that I'm good at and some of the cool stuff that I've accomplished. I know I can't ride off of high school successes anymore, but it's important that I don't forget them. They're still part of me. It's important. I believe, and I've said it here a lot, that as people we're the sum total of all the choices that we make. I've made a lot of choices. Lots of them before I moved to Logan. I can't forget those. I can't pretend those haven't changed me and taken me places. This isn't high school. But what happened back there still matters. I need to remember that. And I think I can.

So today was good. Still had moments of serious sleepiness. Still had moments of self-doubt and dreary outlook. But things came together. Hard work makes me feel good. Tests came back today that show I'm not a big retard. We're getting there. Still a lot to do.

Changing my life- it's not going to be a flash. I said that before. Back in the Logan blogaday I remember saying that I've been looking for easy answers. That I wanted to fall asleep and have a dream that would make everything make sense. It'd make me want to work harder and it'd tell me what to do about stuff. I knew it wouldn't come.

Changing my life, it sorta feels like that's what I've been looking for again. Something to come and change me in a flash. But that's not going to happen. I want to do my physics tomorrow. Will accomplishing that mean I've changed? It'll mean two good days in a row, but it won't mean that the quest is over. I don't stay at the same value for too long. I'm constantly progressing and regressing. If we can determine anything about the graph of my life, we can certifiably say that it's continuous. No jumps, no breaks, and certainly no asymptotes. But continuous, that means that I can't go too far from where I was yesterday or a minute ago. The important part of the graph, I think, will be the general slope of the line from point a to point b at the end of the game. Derivatives at any given point aren't incredibly significant at the end. I mean, they're important because they get us where we are. But where will I be at the end? Higher? I certainly hope so.

There are only a few things that could make this night any better. My apartment smelling like girls I care about would be one of them. Not sure why I threw that out there, but it's 2:59 AM, give me a break. I'm allowed to wish this place smelled a little better, right?

As a note, my apartment does smell good. I cleaned up in here last week, and me and Andrew have kept it looking nice. It just doesn't smell as nice as it could.

Okay, this is probably where I should stop. I'm glad I got to write tonight. Things have fallen into place tonight- not even close to mostly my fault. But for what it's worth, I feel like today was good. Tomorrow has a very valid shot at being good too.

I hope that you're all doing well. One day down. Not sure how many left, but that's one important day that we made it through. Here's to one more.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Change My Life Blogaday - Day Ten

1:38 AM.

Tonight is the first night in a long time that I didn't want to write for a bit. I'm feeling better about it now, but about five minutes ago I just didn't want to. Things have changed a bit since then. That's good news.

Today had ups and today had downs. We'll start with ups, move to downs, and then finish with a look at the future.

Physics recitation was actually really good today. Instead of reading the chapter I tried my best to follow along with the class. I learned some stuff, and a few of the things we'd talked about finally started clicking. We had a quiz, and I feel like I probably did a pretty good job. It was one of the best recitation's I've ever had. I did fall asleep through some of it, but I sort of just do that.

Ultimate was really fun today. I feel like I played a lot better than usual. I was using my brain a lot and making good cuts to good spaces. My throws were on, and I felt like I was a valuable asset to the team. I usually feel like a valuable asset, but I felt better about it today.

Graphics even went well. I stayed up with the teacher and finished what we were supposed to. I got 3/10 on the quiz, but I know that that's probably a lot higher than class average, so that's cool.

I played Ultimate again tonight with some country bumpkins. It's hard to go from real ultimate to country ultimate. I love when someone calls a foul and the smart-guy is always like "Oh, I didn't know there were fouls in Ultimate" like we're a bunch of sissies. Yeah. There are fouls. And yeah, we do take this seriously. It was fun, and I had a good time. It was just an old adventure that felt like a new adventure because I hadn't done it for so long. It's hard for me to defend without a force, it's weird.

I went and played volleyball with the ward tonight. I felt like it'd be fun to try, so I went. I've never really played much volleyball. I don't know the rules and I don't know how to be good at it. But I had a good time playing. I felt like I did a few good plays, so that was fun. I'm thinking I'll take a volleyball class next semester. I've probably said that a million times during blogaday. It's just something I get excited about though. Taking a PE class is one of the very few opportunities I have to diversify and do something fun. I don't "try new things" very often. I've been accused of not being spontaneous. And it's true. Volleyball is pretty dang spontaneous though, so don't give me any of that lip. Unless, of course, it's the good kin- too much living with Andrew makes me say that sort of thing instead of just thinking it and not saying it. I could, of course, go back and delete it. But hey, I'll keep it up there.

I had a lot of physical activity today, and that's pretty cool.

I didn't read my physics chapter tonight though. At about 11 o'clock I had a choice of doing my physics and talking to someone I really wanted to talk to or playing starcraft with Andrew and Brad. I chose starcraft. Hour and thirty minutes later, I felt a bit like a loser. I'm a bit of a sucker when it comes to peer pressure like that. I'm pretty strong when people tell me to do things for myself. "It'll be fun, you'll like it" doesn't mean much of anything to me. I'm okay with not being fun. I'm an old man. It's when people start using themselves that I fall. I know that it'll be more fun for the other guys if I play. I tend to do stupid stuff like that pretty often.

So that's my sad story of the day. I didn't do any homework tonight. Probably a pretty bad choice. The next three nights of my life are going to be pretty heavily based on physics. Tomorrow I need to read a chapter (since I didn't do it today) and do my assignment. Day after that I need to read the next chapter. Day after that is an assignment, but since I'm coming home I might try to get it done beforehand. That's a lot of physics. We'll see how it goes.

I also slept till about 11 today. Yeah, that wasn't a great use of my time.

How did I do at changing my life today? I tried a new thing, and that was fun. But changing my life gets about no points for today. No, wait, I get a few points. I worked a bit on finances. My bank account feels better because of what happened today. That doesn't count for much, but at least it's something.

How did I do at moving forward on my education? I receive very few points for that today as well. I had no pressing homework, but I didn't touch any of it. I left myself with *two* assignments to do tomorrow during my hour-long break. I need to study for a creative arts test and write a paper for scholar's forum. Actually, I can probably write that paper after institute and still get it in on time. But still.

Things that really need to change: I need to stop sleeping in on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That's a big waste of resources. I need to do homework more often. It seems like every time Kyle has ten spare minutes he'll sit down with his math or physics. When I do homework, I dedicate a few hours to making it happen. I work pretty much non-stop, minus a few ADD breaks here and there. My way works, but so does kyle's. A billion minutes spread over a few days is sometimes more pleasant than a billion minutes from midnight to two.

Tomorrow is a hefty day. Lots of time-sensitive heft as well. But I feel like I can do it. First task is to get up. Second task is to get to calculus on time. After that it should flow right out.

I don't know how I feel about this post. It's very journalistic. It feels like a lot of my posts have been like that. I know that that's part of what this is all about. But still, it could be better. I like that this gives me a good opportunity to think about what happened today and what I could have done better. I like that it helps me look forward to tomorrow as well. But I do miss asking questions about my humanity.

One thought I did have today, with a throwback to something I've thought before. What are my priorities up here? Or rather, why am I here? What do I want to get accomplished here? I can really identify three things. Prepare for a mission, Do well with my education, and take good care of myself. Those three things can be broken down further. Do well with my education, what does that even mean? Does that mean learn something so I can get a good job? Learn something so I can change the world? Keep my scholarship?

If I have my priorities, and I've declared them, am I actually working towards that? What am I actually working on? I have declared priorities or goals and actual work towards something. Does the work I do match up with my priorities or goals?

What's important? Am I working on that instead of other things? There's a thoughtful me and there's a me that autopilots. Sometimes I worry that autopilot writes and goes through the day. I know there's a better me inside. I need to work on that more.

I'm off to study, like I do. I hope that you're all doing well friends. Keep up the good work. Much love. I'm going to do better tomorrow.