Wednesday, March 28, 2012

A List of Things That I Would Like to Abolish

I have a really hard time with Tuesday and Thursday classes. The hour-and-a-half time limit just seems far too long for me. I have a Java class that is Tuesday/Thursday. I haven't been on time to that class more than a handful of times this semester. It's not that I'm not passionate about the material- because let's be honest, I love it. I recognize that being good at Java is directly tied to how much money I can expect to make in the next few years. I really like my instructor too- he's a total stallion and he's good at what he does. Sure, the lectures aren't the most exciting thing I've ever seen, but it's still good material. I just don't love Tuesday and Thursday classes. I know there's no real way to avoid them, but I'll try to minimize them in the future.

I also struggle with classes that are defined as the first class of the day. I am pretty good at being on time to classes that are after the first one, but shoot, I'm never on time to my first class. I would love to abolish the first class in general, but I realize that doing that isn't really mathematically possible. Curse you, well-ordering principle!

This gives me an idea. I'm going to start a list. I will probably update this list as time goes on. I am open to suggestions to the list. Here's what I've got so far.

A List of Things I'd Like to Abolish:

  • The first class of the day. To it I am always late. In it I am often asleep. If my first class were my second class, my transcript would look far better than it does.

  • Girls who wear rings but aren't married. Confession: I have no idea on which hand the wedding ring actually goes. I have texted my roommates twice since I've been back at school to double check. I see cute girls all the time with a ring on their ring finger, but since I'm incapable of remembering which hand counts as married, I have no idea whether I should talk to her or not. Is she single and she just likes rings? Is she married and would I be a dirtbag for talking to her? She has a ring on, but it's on her left hand. What if it were on her right hand? I have no idea. So, with these problems in mind, it makes more sense for me to abolish the wearing of any rings unless someone is married than for me to actually learn which hand is the marriage one. You know what we call this? This is ambiguity. It could mean one thing, but it might also mean another thing entirely. A program won't even compile if it's got ambiguity in it! Since I can't tell if a girl is married or not, I have no idea how I should operate around her. My life would be much less ambiguous if that ring finger were kept open on both hands until a wedding ring is there.

  • Speaking of relationship ambiguity- can we abolish those that do not have their relationship status posted on facebook? I've been guilty of this one in the past, yeah, my bad. In my defense, this is not a rational list- this is just me being ridiculous. Hypocrisy is allowed in a ridiculous list, right? So here's my beef with the no relationship status on facebook: I'm a researcher. Before I ask someone out or go indicate that I have any degree of interest in someone, I want to do my research. This preliminary research usually takes the form of a facebook stalk. Call me crazy, but you wouldn't buy a car without checking online first, right? Same story, I'm not about to go invest time/energy without some initial facebook stalking. The biggest thing I want to know is whether or not a girl is dating someone. A normal human being would just go talk to her and find out. I'm not even close to a normal human being, so I'm going to ignore the suggestion that I ditch my anti-social tendencies. Anywhom, this lack of relationship disclosure on facebook leaves me in the dark. How am I supposed to know if I can ask her out? It's just like the ring thing, except I can be confused without even being in the same room as a girl this way. To solve this problem, we should make relationship status a mandatory disclosure on facebook. Those that are found to be falsifying information will be drawn and quartered-- it's only fair. Since the "it's complicated" status can be potentially confusing, I think we should just make it a radio button that says "Chris Thatcher can ask me out" or "Chris Thatcher shouldn't ask me out". Two options-- clear as day. That way we don't even have to know about your relationship status. Those that want to remain dating someone anonymously can do so. All we just need to know how you feel about me. This is a great idea. I'll email Mark Zuckerberg right now.

Alright, so if you're new to the blog I should probably include this warning: I'm not really a dirtbag, I promise. But hey, every once in a while you need to throw out a ridiculous list, so here I am. I invite anybody with something they want abolished to leave a comment and to let me know. The revolution starts here, apparently.

1 comment:

Rachel Frost said...

You know, girls who aren't available will usually say so in the first five minutes of conversation--and gently. "Sorry, but I don't think my husband would like that very much." Also, I've heard that in some traditions engagement is on the right hand and marriage is on the left, so it's just best to steer clear if you see a ring on either ring finger.

I would like to abolish long fingernails (ow), Call of Duty and Modern Warfare (and especially their fans), and allergies (honestly, who likes those?).

By the way, I tagged you in my last post, if you've got the time.