Monday, April 23, 2007


Can you read my mind?

There is so much right now. So much good, so much potential. So many good people, so many opportunities.

I wish that I had written more in the past few weeks. I wish that I'd slept more too. Those weeks served their purpose, I'm older, stronger, and hairier because of them. Here we are, weeks later. Welcome to April 23rd.

Life is good, but it's got its questions. Life's got the wonder, the mystery and the longing.

Contradictions and fields of stars.

This is one of those posts that I'm going to wish I had explained better. Will future me remember what fields of stars means? I had doubts initially, but I think he will now. I feel good about it.

Where do the answers lie? Stay the course, or attempt something bold? A breath of fresh air, or the steady pneumatic pace of the oxygen tank? The thoroughbred or the unicycle of chance?

Questions. But amidst the questions there are certain certainties.

And that's the key to understanding it. I don't know what's going to happen; the contradictions contradict themselves. There is no clear path to the very end. And yet the definite steps remain. A pithy portion of my personal puzzle, but a profound portion nonetheless. As I pursue the few steps I know I must take, the pathway will be made clear.

If I were to stand in a field and stare at the stars, would I know what I truly want? Could I be completely honest and unchanging? There, in the midst of the far-flung photons and toiling carbon, would the course unfold before me?

The field and stars contradict in beautiful harmony. Perhaps the course is simply not the course yet. Perhaps the course unfolds as it is created and forged. Not the predetermined route of careful planning and meditation, but rather the natural sequence and succession of the culmination of my decisions.

Perhaps the picture seeks not to be understood in full, but to be sought after with loyalty and dedication.

One must contemplate the possibility that step two never has, and likely never will, exist. The notion that step one is forever followed by step two does not do justice to the intricate and romantic workings of the unraveling secrets of life. Completing step one illuminates the path, creates a new set of inherited values and parameters. And one must pause and evaluate the new reality that one exists in, and then pursue the path that leads to the best end. Step one is reborn in the new and reborn circumstances of the new parameters. Step one leads to just one more step one, and thence onward forever, indefinitely.

Is it a happy path? Yes, I like to think it is. Step two is elusive, forever fading and crossing from my view. A multitude of step two's cling and vie for my eventual chase.

And yet the answers remain fully within step one. Step one will lead me exactly where I need to go. When the time comes, I will have the courage to give step one my one hundred percent.

The certainties in life are few, but by pursuing the fleeting group the pathway becomes clear. The nebula draws itself together not as a whole, but particle by particle. Step one by step one, the field of stars reveals its secrets.


Fridgecrisis said...

Really good stuff! It's nice to read something from you again :)

It's like the "tomorrow" concept. It's always a day away. The moment it changes to "tomorrow," it instantly morphs into "today" and tomorrow once again escapes into the distance. Obviously life can't really be lived like this, but: do something "tomorrow" and you'll never get it done.

Anonymous said...

We'd sure love to read your mind. It's full of many mysteries, just like life.