Live your Life

I've been happier this week. I love that. I think that there are a lot of reasons why, ranging from no more end-of-term stress to Divine intervention, but I sort of want to focus on just one reason right now.

This past week, I've been living my life. I've been doing the things that I like to do, as well as the things that I really feel that I need to do. I've been being me, all the time. It's made a difference.

My life is sorta like my blog, I think. You notice how sometimes I get really distracted on here? I'm not talking about within my posts, but like, what I want to do with my blog. I'll go on big tangents sometimes. The Alliance, Blogaday, my failed sleep-a-day, thinking about switching hosts, thinking about holding contests, thinking about doing all sorts of stuff. Somedays I really just want to try something new. Something pseudo-professional. Something like a project for my blog.

Some of those projects have been successful. Blogaday, in particular, was wild. Some projects have seen marginal success, like The Alliance, but have always seemed to lack what it takes to sustain themselves. Most projects have flopped.

Most of the flop projects are always accompanied by less posting here. When I do post during flop times, it's usually nothing inspiring.

I'm not sure why I feel that tug towards blog projects. When I look at what has made this blog important to me, what gives it value, it's the exploration of my self that makes it all meaningful. It's the difference and insight for others that makes me think, "Yeah, this is important."

Projects have never really brought anything important to the table. Blogaday is the exception, but that's only because it allowed for more exploration. What gives this blog meaning is the old-school and traditional staples: just me and my posts.

And I think my life runs a pretty close parallel to the blog. The same issues that I have here are the same issues I have out there. Some days I just get really distracted. I want to go do something, I want to go be something different. I want to do something epic and time consuming and pointless. Why? I don't fully know, but it's distracting.

And when I do finally sit down and look around me, I start to realize. The things that give my life meaning are not the projects. They're not the grade point average or the standardized test scores. I am not defined by my academic performance.

Just like with my blog, the things that give my life value are the old-school staples that have always been there. The way that I interact with and help other people, time for myself to do important study, and time spent with my family are the things that are important to me. When I focus on those things, I feel like I make progress. I feel much better about myself and about everything around me.

It's when I get distracted and start trying to be something that I'm not that things get rough.

So that's been the discovery of this past little while. It's been a long time coming, I think. And I'm not saying that it's been a lightning bolt of inspiration that has changed my life in a day. I still get distracted, but I'm working on remembering what's important. I'm working on priorities. It's been making a difference.

I talked a bit above about being me, and not trying to be something I'm not. The Micron scholarship I shot for, as well as the sterling scholar stuff, sorta helped me discover what was going on. I don't want to be a scientist. I've got a good academic record, but that's not where my true talents and gifts lie, I think. Or, maybe rather, that's not where my calling lies. I don't think I've been called to revolutionize the world of science or engineering. Micron and Sterling Scholar were all about that. And while that's awesome, and while I'm very glad I worked on both of those things, that's not who I want to be.

My calling- that's a very interesting thing to think about. I mean, can one really define, specifically, what they're supposed to do? That's a personal question, I think. I have my own beliefs about it. I don't think I'll write them all out here, but I suppose that if you want to talk about it, find me sometime and ask.

The important thing, though, is that, with help, I've started figuring things out a bit. Without going too far into everything, I've come to the realization that I have not been called to be extremely successful.

And that was something that totally got me by surprise. I guess I just sort of assumed that I was. I assumed that because I've experienced some success in the past, I was a failure if I didn't go out there and become incredibly rich and famous and change the world. If I wasn't top of my class at the university, if I wasn't a millionaire by thirty, I wouldn't be living up to what I needed to do.

But that's just not the case. And the fact that I know that that's not the case now, that's changing things for me.

I mean, yeah, I want to be successful. But I'm realizing that that's not the most important thing in life. And because I'm realizing that, I'm starting to work on the things that really ARE important. When I'm working on things that are important, I'm happy.

So what's the moral of the story? I think there's a few things I can take from this. The first is one that I've learned before. Life is a sine graph. It's got its ups and downs. I'm feeling pretty good about stuff right now. I know that there will be times in the future when I feel pretty crappy. I think the key to success with this one is that I need to maximize my life when I'm up like this. Learn what I can, so that when I go down things will be better. Accomplish everything that I can when I'm up like this, working at a million percent. I need to make progress up here. I need to make progress down in the troughs, too, but I can't take times like this for granted. Life is life, whether I'm up or whether I'm down. I've been given this up, and I need to make the most of it.

Second lesson, I feel, is that cliche's are true, but it doesn't matter that they're true, because it's impossible to discover they're true until we run into them for ourselves. This past forever has been a journey of self-discovery. Things have started coming together lately to help me learn more about myself and the world around me. Ideas and opinions I have held for a long time are changing. I am discovering myself. For a long time I honestly thought that I was through with all of that. I felt like I'd done quite a bit of discovering through the years, and I was feeling pretty good with where I was. People have always said that the journey of self discovery never really stops, but I figured it had. Welp, I was wrong. Here I am, appreciative of the fact that I was wrong.

The third, and most important, lesson: I'm not as tough as I thought I was. Back in sophomore cross country days, Porter and the older guys would always mess around with each other as we ran. They'd smack each other, jump on each other, and really just have a good time. They're battle cry and anthem was always, "Do you think you're tough?!" Any time they'd get hit, or be ready to hit, or really any time they just wanted to say hi, they'd ask if you thought you were tough. The first time they asked me, it caught me off guard, and I thought about it. The next million times they asked, I just figured they were joking. But now, years later, I'm starting to see the wisdom of it all. Noaksey said that madrigals is what made him realize that he wasn't tough. I've got a long way to go yet, but I'm starting to realize, just like Noaksey, that I'm not that tough. This process of changing what I want to be when I grow up, what I want to do, and ultimately what I want to focus on, it's been a bit humbling. I've had to realize that I didn't have it all figured out. Admitting that what I've been working towards for the past long time just isn't what I want to do. I was wrong. And the fact that I was wrong helps me realize that I will probably be wrong in the future, too.

Normally that kind of stuff bugs me. I hate to be wrong. But this week, I'm loving it. I'm so excited to be human again.

So hey, life your life. Was that Thad's catch-phrase when he ran for office? I think so, and I'm totally horking it.

It doesn't matter if I don't make a lot of money, because making a lot of money isn't what I've been called to do. I've got a feeling that I know what I've been called to do, and I'm going for it. I'm living my life.

It's like that great smelling burst of spring air through the window. I really feel like I'm on the right track. I love being on the right track.

So go ahead, accuse me of just having a really good night. Accuse me of being overly optimistic and cheerful. I understand. I'd do the same if I were you. But the truth is, I'm feeling good about this. I'm feeling good about life and the future. I feel like I can, with help, really get out there and make a difference. I feel like I know where I'm going. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know what I want to do when I get there. I know who I want to be.

So hey, live your life. I'm figuring out what's important to me, and I'm pursuing it. I think that if there was one thing I'd say by way of advice, it'd be to try the same. Figure out what's important to you, and then chase after it with all you've got.

I hope things are going well for you all. I appreciate the fact that you're all out there. I think about you guys. If there's anything I can do to help, well, drop me a line. I know nobody will actually drop me a line, but I wanted to put it out there, cause I mean it.

Here I go, full steam ahead. I'll need help, but I know that it's possible. I can make it.

Calc 152

Hey, really meant to get around to posting tonight, but now it's looking a bit too late. I just finished my calc assignments for AB. Didn't do any BC work, unfortunately. At least I'm staying afloat, eh?

Hopefully I'll bust a post out tomorrow. In the meantime, here's to you, wednesday.

Fulfillment of a Dream

So, remember how about a year ago, I said I was going on a quest to get my own wikipedia page? I decided to officially try today. I've already been flagged for not asserting my own relevance, but I threw up the "hold on, I'm getting there!" tag, so I've got at least a few days to prove that I'm actually important.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Thatcher

I will be victorious, I'm going to make this happen. I'm so proud of myself.

Relief

I am no longer looking at studying mechanical engineering. Right now I'm looking at business, specifically marketing.

Can I just say? Wow, this feels so much better. That was one of the things that was getting me so down this week, this whole uncertainty about the future. Mechanical looked like the best shot, but it looked about as fun as getting poked in the face with a sharp stick. I'm really starting to warm up to business.

It seems like a great fit for me. I'm constantly analyzing the business aspect of everything I look at. It allows me to go to work with people, and I'm definitely more interested in people than I am in machinery. Just because I'm good at math and science doesn't mean I have to be relegated to the engineering department.

I feel a ton better about this. I've still got a lot of research to do, but stuff is already looking a ton brighter.

Of course, studying business means that BYU would be the logical place for me to go, not Utah State. I am going to USU this next year, absolutely. After a mission though, if business is in fact the thing for me, I'm going to want to look at transferring to BYU.

I know I've said it before, but I can't reiterate it enough. I feel good about this! I'm excited about it! I was never excited about Mechanical. There were times when I thought it'd be ok, and that was as good as it got. My feelings varied between fearful and passable. That's hardly a way to live.

Hooray! I'm not saying this is my final plan, because I haven't done the research necessary. But from a first look perspective, this is looking freakin' awesome. Score it!

Live Blog: The Tournament

Editor's Note: I do remember last night. I am cognizant what happened. I remember what's important. This is me, and I'm doing my best to be the whole me. End note.

Greetings and Hayabasu, ladies and gentlemen. Happy Junior Jazz Tournament Day!

Game one: 9 AM, Union Middle
Vista (1 - 1) v. The Agitators (1 - 1)
Final Score: 25 - 52, Agitators.
Total Fans (non-familial): 2

I got to the game five minutes late, and walked in with the score 4-0, Agitators, beginning of the game. Kirt snagged three rebounds within 45 seconds, and I was certain he'd grab a triple double by the end of the game.

The first quarter was incredibly sluggish. It ended 4-2, us. Pope wasn't as ferocious or as accurate as usual. I came in for the last part of the first, and didn't pull much off. I got a bucket during the second, but nothing to brag about.

Quarters two and three progressed the exact same. Super slow, sloppy play. Lucky for us, the other guys were doing just as poorly. It looked like churchball, and not even good churchball. We had a good time, and we had our moments, but it was uninspired ball.

The fourth quarter came and we blew it wide open. We were up by six or something, and we just took it away to win by 27. I started detaching on every single play for the fast break, and I got at least three easy, uncontested layups out of it. Everybody else started getting the idea, and all the sudden we were in the middle of a good old clinic. Every single play, we'd push the defense, and if we didn't force a quick turnover, we'd force them into a shot they didn't want to take. One of our big guys would get the board and feed it down court to any of the three guys who were busting it down there. It was just a matter of pass pass pass and sweet layup. I had one sweet reverse, w00t.

Perhaps the crowning moment, for me, was on defense, fourth quarter. I was up on their point guard, he faked me one way, got me off balance, and went the other. He went straight up the key, but I was right behind him. He went up for the shot, and I got the sweetest, cleanest, best feeling block I've got in a long time. There's something extremely satisfying about blocking a man from behind.

Best part about the play? I did it again two minutes later. Different guy, same play. Oh how sweet it is.

Keys to success: We played terrible the first three quarters, but the fourth was amazing. Why was this? Because I put my headband on for the fourth, but not for the others. The headband won the game for us. And I took a charge, that was cool to. But it wasn't a key. It was just cool.

Outlook: We've got another game at noon, and they'll be 2-1, just like us. Alex is sitting in on their game right now, hopefully scoping out the bad guys. We play Team #1. They don't sound nearly as intimidating as The Agitators. They better bring their A game.

Cause boy oh boy, I ate my wheaties this morning. And boy, don't mess, 'cause I ate your wheaties too.

Game Two: 12 AM, Union Middle
Team #1 v The Agitators
36 - 42, Agitators
Total Fans: More than last time

We played a pretty good game, but not our best. We came out strong in the first, went 8-2 for the first little bit. I tossed a sweet alley-oop pass for Jay lay it in, it was smooth. I got one more block from behind a man (woot), and scored a few buckets.

Player of the game was definitely Kirt. This was a pretty big and physical team, and they had us outbodied more or less. Kirt was the man who stopped them inside. He was about their size, but he just outskilled them by far. He was ballin, it was a ton of fun.

Keys to succes: Kirt.

Outlook: Playing Larsen, who just beat the guys we lost to on Thursday night by about 20 points. They only have six guys though, so we ought to be able to run them.

Game Three: Union Middle School
Larsen v. The Agitators
Final Score: 58 - 54, Larsen
Total Fans: the most yet.

We lost this game. We really could have won it, but we played pretty well and they came up with the win. So we go home from the tournament. Boo.

I had a few sweet sweet blocks in this game, and that felt good. I made some nice buckets, and picked up some good fouls. I made a few good plays, so I'm pretty happy with my performance out there.

Keys to success (for the other guys): They had two real players. But boy, they were good players. We had a hard time shutting them down. Other than that though, we really played pretty well.

All in all, super fun tournament. Great team to play with, we had a good time. I'd do it again if I could. Hope you all have a good day.

Shining Night

Sure on this shining night
Of starmade shadows round,
Kindness must watch for me
This side the ground.

The late year lies down the north.
All is healed, all is health.
High summer holds the earth.

Hearts all whole.
Sure on this shining night I weep for wonder wand'ring far

alone
Of shadows on the stars.

-Sure on this Shining Night, James Agee

~

Life has been different for a long time. All of March, I think. Maybe it's only been a week, maybe it's been longer. At least 10 days. I'm terrible at determining lengths of time. Maybe that means that I'm just great at living in the present. But I don't necessarily feel like that. The important thing to note is that things aren't like they usually are.

It's Friday night, 12:58 AM. My window is open a little bit, but none of that awesome night air is coming in. I walked around outside a bit this evening. Life smells really good right next to a tree in early spring. Trees smell like summer evenings. Summer evenings smell care-free and progressive. I could go for a summer evening right about now.

I feel like I've lost volumes of text over this past month. There have been several days when I've had so much to write about and talk about and spill, but it never really happened. Some of those thoughts remain, but others are gone, presumably forever. Perhaps it's a tragedy, and perhaps it's good fortune. I view it as tragedy. Should every important thought I have be written? Obviously such a thing can't be realistic, but I think the important ones bear some necessity to be recorded. I've lost some important thoughts. Hmm.

I've been loving "Sure on this Shining Night" today. The Lauridsen arrangement, not the Barber. It's just so very close and intimate I feel.

As I drove home from my final adventure of last night, I wanted to hear someone begin narrating from behind me. It felt like the end of an episode of heroes, and I would have killed for some insight from Mohinder. As cryptic as I know it would be, it would have felt good to have it there.

It's like I'm taking big steps here. Some are reactionary, some are very premeditated, and others simply happen because nothing else happened in their place.

I haven't been as happy lately as usual. Not as satisfied or fulfilled, that's for sure. This changes things for me. I have some theories as to why. My personal study time has been reduced, which is pretty bogus. I'm not pulling March Madness off as I should. I'm about four days behind, I think. Most reading this month has been after 2 AM, it feels. I've found a few ways to stay awake so I can keep going, but it's not as healthy or as beneficial as I'd like. My personal journaling has gone way down. At least seven days this past month have been "Good day, super tired. G'night." Probably more than seven. I have not been working out the way I'd like to. By that, I mean that I haven't been working out. I haven't been running this month.

On the upside, my bloodsugar has been much better than the previous month. I also just nailed another 4.0. That means I'm 15 for 15 so far. Only one more term to go.

Now, I don't toss this list up here to complain, as complaining is not in my nature. I put it up here to illustrate the point that I have not been living my life the way I wish I was.

I don't say, "I'm not living my life the way I want to," because I don't want to misrepresent the shadowy and nether regions of me. There are parts of me that want one thing, parts of me that want other things. Out of respect for the parts of me that are discordant, I cannot strictly say that I wish things were a certain way.

That's how life is, for me. It's not one thing. I think we're all sort of like an electron. We can get a good idea of where we might be. We can figure out, to an extent, where we won't be. But when it comes to graphing our position, we're always going to end up with a fuzzy line. It's impossible to determine the velocity or location, because everything we do to try to figure it out ends up altering them.

I think I'm like that. It's a complex character versus a simple character thing. I am not a robot.

There was a model I thought of a few weeks ago, about goals. I realized that I could split every one of my goals into three parts. I could split them into What I've declared that I'm working towards, What I'm actually working towards, and what I wish I was working and moving towards.

For example, let's look at my financial goals. What have I declared that I'm working for? I say, "I'd like to make a really decent living so I can support myself and my family." What am I actually working for? "I'd like to be filthy, filthy rich." And, finally, what do I wish I was working for? "I'd like to be wealthy so that I could support my family and myself, as well as have the resources necessary to make the world a better place. I'd like to help further education and opportunities for those around me. I want to pull a Carnegie."

This isn't what's important right now.

What if I wanted to be the same, all the time? That sounds bad, but I think that's one thing that concerns me a lot. I know that I'm me, all the time. I'm not dissociative. But it goes back to how I define my worth. And how I define who I am. When did I start being me?

Last night at the basketball game I was all over the place. I was loud and enthusiastic and happy for everybody in the entire building. I was euphoric.

And now I'm here. Happier than I have been the whole rest of the day. I feel good, but in a very different way than I felt good last night. At school, I do what I do. At home, I do what I do. I do different things between the two of those. I work on different things, and I feel differently about some things. I value things at school differently than I value things at home.

And I don't want to paint myself as some two-faced monster, because I don't think I am. I don't think that any of this is intentional. I don't think I'm a bad person at school or at home. I don't think that I'm always different. I just know that I'm not always constant.

And I know that I can't always be constant. I am not a simple character. Nobody is.

Blogging is a form of therapy for me. There are other things that fill the need that blogging fills. There are things that work better than blogging. I have one of those things right now. So, friends, good night. Thanks for being there.

Under Construction - Pledges

Last night my big brother hooked me up with a domain, theotherdentist.com. You'll notice that now instead of being at cjthatcher.blogspot.com, you're here at theotherdentist.

So that's pretty cool. I'm still not used to typing "theotherdentist" but I'll get there. Because I've got a domain now, my options for this blog are suddenly a whole lot bigger.

Therefore, there's some construction coming all of our ways in the near future. I'm not exactly sure what the end result is going to be, but I'm excited to discover it.

I've wanted to make a few changes for a while now, as was evidenced by the poll and a few other things. This gives me a good opportunity to try all of that out. I've got ideas kicking around, and it's going to be really cool to work on them and try new things. Things will sort of just happen, so be expecting that. Some things will show up one day and be gone the next, that's just the nature of what I plan to do. I'm not putting any schedule on this, since life is a little busy right now, but just be assured that it'll come eventually. I'm adventuring, give me a break.

I do feel the need, though, to make a few pledges while I'm here. As I embark on this next new adventure, I am forced to look back on the smoothness of what has brought me here in the first place. Last Friday marked the third birthday of my blog. It was created in ninth grade as an assignment in Brough's journalism class.

Three years later, it's still kicking around. I feel like I've been a bit spotty in my posting as of late, but the blog never holds that against me. The truth here is that I'm a different person because of the existence of the blog. It has been a great tool of self discovery. I think it's helped me define who I am a bit, and also helped me refine some skills in communication and writing. I like to think it's made the world a little bit of a better place.

I'm incredibly glad that it's been a part of my life. It's been a big deal.

So as I embark on the next step of this journey, I won't forget the things that have brought me here, to where I stand today.

Anyways, I pledge that all my old posts will always remain accessible. I also pledge that regardless of what happens, I will keep writing. I'm not going to make a schedule or anything, but I'll do my best to keep writing. I will keep writing through this next year and a half. Just because I graduate high school, I'm not about to stop. I'm not sure what will happen after the mission, but we'll catch that when it comes. In the meantime, I will write up to the day or week or so before I leave. Snap.

So those are the pledges. No matter what happens, my old posts will remain, and I will keep writing. Sounds like a fun adventure. So here we go, looking for the next step. Hooah, it's go time. Wish me luck.

Log Base Two

Not that this is going to happen that often, because i most definitely don't want to make the blog a repository of my dietary logs. However, since it's day two, I want to post, just to make me feel cooler.

Thursday, March 13, 2008
Total units insulin: 71.5
Avg Bloodsugar: 137

Kickin' Wednesday

It's late, and I don't have time to write. But I'm going to, briefly.

I'm on several kicks today. My life comes in cycles. One of the things that keeps recurring on a periodic basis is my self-improvement kick. Every once in a while I get really excited about personal finance and personal health.

Been spending a lot of time thinking about both of those today. Personal health, I made myself a bit of an idea.

If I spend 20 minutes a day logging my bloodsugar, my insulin, and every single thing I eat and when, I really think that I'll make that time up in days left to live.

Let's do a little bit of math. I know it won't be at all realistic, but let's do it anyways.

So, 20 minutes a day * 365 days = 7,300 minutes
7,300 minutes / 60 / 24 = 5.07 days per year I spend logging bloodsugar/insulin/food

let's say I live my projected 61 years or whatever

61 years * 5.07 = 309 days of my life I spent logging.

309? If I really do end up living to be 61, I will have definitely recouped all that time I spent logging with more days I've earned to be alive.

So I think I'm going to do it. It's a big step, I know. I worry about setting goals like that. Logging everything? That's tough. But I want to do it.

Because I'm tired of just getting by, especially as it relates to my health. Yeah, I've got to worry about heart disease and obesity and all of that like every other person out there, but I've got double portions of everything coming my way when it comes to not eating right or taking care of yourself. What will hurt a normal person x down the road will hurt me at least 2x. I fully accept and welcome that. It just gives me more reason to actually make this work.

I want to take my life to the next step. Trouble is, there's about a billion next steps that I want to take. It's hard to sit down and find one step that I'm ready for. I want to move in a lot of directions.

But I think that this is a good one. I'm going to do it. For the next two weeks, I'm logging everything. Every glucose test, every shot, and every morsel of food that gets in me. I'm doing it, no battle.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Total units insulin: 62
Avg Blood sugar: 146

Tribute

This Friday marks three years of The Other Dentist. It hasn't always been called that, you know, but it marks the official three year anniversary since the first real post.

How cool is that? I'll try to think of something epic to do. No guarantees though.

It's 12:04, and I'm fairly ready for tomorrow. In other words, I just finished my calc assignment. w00t. I always feel good about myself when I finish a calc assignment.

Today was very important. Madrigals was tender. Usually when I throw "tender" out there it means that I'm joking, but I'm totally not this time. It was a tender class period. It changed us all a little bit, I think.

I want to write more about it later, but I don't want to run the risk of losing it, so I'll write a bit.

I've been looking at mads for these past seven weeks as either giving or taking away some of my life force. I'd go in with my bucket, with the water level dependent on how the earlier part of the day went, and invariably I'd walk out of mads with either significantly more water or significantly less water. There were very few days that didn't change the water level. Mads either filled me with energy, optimism, and hope, or it sucked all the enthusiasm out of me and made me a cranky old man in English.

Today was different though. I think that because it was so tender, it changed me a little bit. I walked out of mads today with a lot of water in my bucket, yeah, but that wasn't what was important. What was important was that I walked out of mads with a bigger bucket than before. I think that we grew a little bit today, as people. I know I did.

I don't get sentimentally attached to associates in my life too much. I love my friends, yeah, but I'm not one of those "close" kind of people. I always work a ton with mentors in my life. Sharpe, Hansen, Coleman, etc. etc. When the time comes for me to move on from those people though, it's never a really big sentimental break. We both respect each other a lot, and we both know that we're a little better for having worked together so much, but we just move on. It's a pretty good system.

Ms. Webb is departing from hence at the end of the week. She's been with us for seven weeks now. For the first time in quite a while, I'm going to miss a mentor.

And it's not that me and Ms. Webb were close by any means. We shared our moments, of course, but that's just because of how incredible she is. It's just that she had an effect on me, and on everybody around me. She changed us, raised us all up a little bit.

School is going to be different without her around. I've gotten very used to the way things are, and it'll be a big change going to something different.

But it's not so much the choir as it is the absence of that figure. She had a way of radiating truth about what's going on. She always told us to come to the party. Why should we be excellent, why should we try so hard? Why do the things we do? She knew. It was that truth that she carried and always shared with us that changed us. Anyone could have instructed us using the exact same methods as she had and it wouldn't have made the difference that she made. She carried truth about life, and she gave that to us. It wasn't so much about singing as it was about being the people that we should be.

She's had an effect. I'm going to miss that effect a lot. Looking ahead to next year, I wonder what the baby mads will ever do without her. It's just a bit inconceivable to me, thinking of senior year without Ms. Webb.

I know I sound like a bit of a doofus. It's not often that I go about on all this sentimentality stuff. But here I am. As a mentor, she made a difference. I'm a different person because of the seven weeks we spent together. She talked about this the first day she was with us. i didn't know what to expect, but it's my custom to give everybody the best shot at working with me as I can. So I gave it a shot. There were days when I didn't come to the party. Days when I wanted to stop the party, really. But at the end of seven weeks, I'm a better person because of what we've done together. Music is just the very smallest part of all of this.

What a neat lady.

Solution

Calculus: It's cheaper than having a girlfriend.

One more day till revolution

There's really more than one day till revolution, but it's a good line from a good song and all that.

I've been meaning to write this week, but I've never gotten to it. Friday's a no go, we'll see what Saturday brings.

But there is definitely some good stuff coming. I had Sterling Scholar interviews this wednesday, and that experience led to some pretty fresh thinking I think. There's a lot of stuff I want to explore there, and the best way that I can think of to explore is to write about it. There's a lot I want to learn about how I feel about that stuff right now, so I'm hoping to get that taken care of soon. I've got a few ideas kicking around that I'd like to toss out as well, so they'll be fun I hope.

So, really, this post exists because those other posts don't exist yet. It's a reminder to me and to you that I'm still alive and that I do want to write but don't feel like right now is the time to do it. I'll shoot for Saturday, definitely.

Welp, I hope you're all doing well. Good luck with your adventures. March Madness for-the-win.

Open

Hey, Happy Monday evening. It's been a pretty good day. School went really well. I sluffed first period to catch up on sleep, and that was just awesome. It was an off-day in calc, so it wasn't a huge deal. I did my assignment tonight, and I feel really good about all of it but one problem. It felt good to sleep in. It felt even better to head to school when it was bright and happy outside. Most of the frost on the vehicle had been taken care of by the sun, it was pretty sweet.

Daylight savings is gonna change that, but I'm alright with it. It gives us more time in the evening, so that's cool.

Spring is coming, and that just makes me happy. During the winter I forget how good life can really feel outside. The beauty of that first amazing run on that first amazing mild night, that's awesome. I'm really looking forward to summer evening runs again. I didn't go on too many last summer, but the ones I did hit were really cool. Me, Kyle, Levi, and James would all get together and go hit the parkway. We took it fairly easy, just jogging around, enjoying being together and breathing in what the evening had to offer. Ah, makes me nostalgic. I can't wait for summer evening runs with good people.

Tonight feels very open. Not open in an "I'm emotionally open" kind of way, but open as a "the future is ripe for the taking" kind of open. I feel good about life right now. School is more or less under control. I finished Tess, and I feel like I nailed the test. It didn't kill me. I've got no incredibly pressing projects on my plate right now. I feel like I'm on top of calculus. There are a few assignments missing, but I think I can probably just let them slide for now, as long as I keep up with the rest. I know the material, so that's good. I'm a lot of responses behind in English, as well as the Romeo and Juliet write-up, but I think I can make it happen. There are a few scholarship applications I'd like to get in that have deadlines in the next week or two. A few essays to write, but nothing incredible. I'm excited to do it.

Our choir concert is the 10th. I'm very excited for it. It'll be fun to perform, surely, but I'm really excited to find out what happens in choir once the concert is over with. What are we going to do? It's a complete mystery to me. It'll be a grand adventure I suppose.

I've been meaning to write more. I haven't gotten to it, obviously. Writing does a lot of good for me. I really think it makes me grow as a person. It's interesting to note that I don't default to writing, though. If I don't make an effort to write, it doesn't happen. The same goes for running, and studying, and all sorts of other good things that make me better. If I don't put forth the energy to start it, it doesn't happen.

I haven't been running, really at all. In the past several months I've logged an official five miles or so. I've obviously run more with Ultimate and Basketball, but it's not the same. Since blogaday, I've been very patchy with my writing. I haven't been keeping incredible logs of my bloogsugar, like I could be.

Now, I don't think I've been a slacker these past few months. I don't say that I'm unsatisfied with what I've been doing with my life. It's just interesting to point out that these things don't happen unless I make them happen. I haven't been making them happen, for various reasons.

And I'd like to start making them happen more. Writing, to me, is sort of like the fruit in your cereal effect I wrote about a long time ago. Fruit in cereal, to me, is the essence of affluence. If you have the time and resources to put external fruit into your cereal, you are clearly a well-to-do and happy individual. Life is good if there is fruit in your cereal. Not necessarily because fruit in your cereal makes life any better, but because fruit in your cereal is a symptom of a great life. Make sense?

Writing is sorta like that. I mean, I really do believe that writing does make my life better, but I feel like I write more when my life is better. When I'm doing well, posts fly. When I'm stressed or busy or not feeling well, I don't get as many out there. Writing is like the cherry on top. I guess, to me, it's sort of like thinking, "This is the next step. I've already conquered steps one through six today, and this is just the bonus round. I can take steps to make the world a better place, instead of playing on the defensive."

I talked about playing on the defensive versus the offensive a while ago. I made a plan to be much more vocal about everything. I was planning to use the written word to change things. I think it probably developed during blogaday. I haven't gone on any crusades, but I did take care of a few things. I wrote the letters to my counselor to help me graduate, and those were very successful. I am now officially on track to graduate, how cool is that? I wrote the essays I needed to for the Sterling Scholar business and that Micron app. I never did apply for Micron. After all that work I decided not to, but I feel good about it. I learned more about me through that Micron app.

Back to the defensive ideas. I feel like writing is the next step. I can spend my life being a zombie, simply catching the tasks that are thrown at me, and throwing them back, done fairly well. That's fine and dandy, and it's been working great. But at some point I'd like to be able to stand up and say "Hey, I'm doing this." instead of being told to do it. Nobody has told me I needed to blog for a grade since ninth grade. I do this because I want to, and because I love the effects that it has. Stuff like that is way cool.

Projects for the sake of projects make me very happy. Excellence, I think, is only truly excellence when it exists only for excellence' sake. In the past I've been very any anything for anything's sake. Most things need a reason. But I think excellence is one of those things that really needs no defense. It's sorta like blogaday. Blogaday was pure because it existed for itself, not necessarily for anyone else. Excellence is like that. I wrote about ceilings during blogaday, and how I admire them so. I'm still a big ceiling fan. (Ha!)

It grows late. Well, really, it grew late a long time ago. It's still late. I do suppose it's a good time for me to go read some BOM and then head to bed. I hope you're all doing well. If things work out, I ought to be writing some more this week. No guarantees, but we'll see what I can do. I'd like to write. Right on friends, have a good one.

Thanks

Hey everybody, no great big post coming tonight, since I'm headed to bed soon, but I wanted to stop by and say thanks to everybody who participated in the poll and left comments. Gathering data like that is very important to me. Counseling, really. As I get a better feel for what you guys want, I'll be able to produce a better blog for you all. What happened this last week was good for me.

Sincere thanks to those who took some time to reflect and comment. I'll be giving all the comments another good look this week sometime and then I'll try to formulate a game plan for the future of The Other Dentist.

The poll closes in about an hour. Interesting results; I'm really glad I have them. Comments are still open and always incredibly appreciated.

So once again, thanks, really. I know it's a little thing, but it's important to me. I'm glad that I have friends that would put forth the effort to do that for me.

I hope that you're all doing well. There'll be some good stuff coming in the future, I'm excited about it. I'm excited to get back to posting. I feel like it's been a little while, so it'll be good to get back. Things have been pretty cool these past few weeks, and I'm excited to talk about life some more with you all. I think that pretty soon I'll toss a post up detailing my plans for the future, that'll be good. In any event, I wish good things for you all. Have an excellent night, and keep up the good work.

The Poll

There's a poll on the site. For the first time ever, as far as I can remember.

The jist of it is that I want to know what you, the audience, wants to see from me in the future. I know it's a bit of a hard thing to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd give me some insight. I'll definitely be looking at the poll results seriously. I don't promise that I'll pull off what you guys ask, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

There are four options on the poll. Let me explain them all.

1) Another Blogaday. This one is pretty easy. I'll just call out another blogaday of whatever length, and then do it. You all saw what happened with the last one. It's a similar idea.

2) A Week of Professional Writing. This one would be a lot more experimental. It'd be a week where I'd have a post every single day. But instead of having a normal post where I train of consciousness my way around forever, I'd have a directed post that I'd worked on and thought about and officially written. It'd have one topic, would include all sorts of bolded text and italicized text and links to outside information. It'd be the kind of stuff you'd see from established blogs out there, not just fun little personal journal stuff. It'd be actually production, not just stuff I write. It might be interesting to see.

3) More of the Same. That just means I'll keep doing what I've been doing. Yep.

4) Other, please specify. That one means leave a comment and tell me.

Really now, I'm just trying to get a feel for what's working and what isn't. What do you guys like? What do I do that you guys don't like? What would you like to see? Of course, if everybody knew exactly what they liked and what they wanted from me here, they wouldn't even come, they'd just write their own stuff. I know that this is a long shot, but I'd really like some feedback here. What kind of posts do you like? What kind of posts do you not like? What's been working for you? What makes you want to come back? What makes you not want to come back? Is there something you'd like to see me try?

If there's one post you comment on, I'd love for it to be this one. I know I'm asking a lot, but I'd appreciate any and all info you guys are willing to give me. So give the poll a shot, and please leave a comment explaining stuff, if you'd like to. I promise to read it and try to incorporate your wishes. Thanks a lot friends.

348, I think

Happy 348th published post, or something close to that. Can you believe I've actually been here for that long? Do you know how many words that is? How many hours spent typing here? It's pretty incredible to me. It makes me happy.

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately, as I am wont to do. Just, where I'm going, how I'm going to do it, what it's gonna be like, etc. etc. Just a lot of that kind of business. It's been fun and enlightening, makes me want to be a better person I guess.

And I think that's one of the cool parts about it all. More or less, every single thing that I worry about for the future comes down to "Well, I've got to be the best person I can be now, and then things will work out better in the future." Every prospect in my future is going to be modified by how I'm doing right now. If I work hard now, my future is going to look brighter than if I don't work hard now. That's pretty cool gravy.

Been thinking about college. To me, right now, it's less about school than it is about being off with five other great guys. I feel like it's training grounds. I'll be working harder at academics than ever before, I'll be cooking my own food, buying my own groceries, being where I need to be or not being where I need to be, more or less being my own person. It's not the big show yet, since I'm playing with other people's money (thank you scholarships and student loans). I'll be with my big brother and some great friends. It's like a half step towards being on my own, I think it's going to be great preparation.

Been thinking a bit about what I want to be when I grow up. Engineering has been the plan for a while now. I love solving problems. I wonder if it's my passion though. I begin to feel that business is more of my thing. I get really excited when I hear or read about clever business models. I'm all about innovation, especially as it relates to businesses.

Of course, business isn't one of those things that is officially a good idea for me. Everybody laughs at the business majors. Business majors sometimes have a rough time actually getting any job, or so I hear. And that's really one of the things I'm most worried about. What if I go to school, do well, show all this promise, and then fall through the cracks? What if nobody picks me up? What if I'm all about trying to make it on my own, and then I fail? That'd be thumbs down.

I feel like I'm going to be on the edge of whatever I end up doing. I can't see myself as a middle of the road professional. Wherever I go, I'm going to want to try something new. I feel that if I'm not gonna be doing anything new, what's the point in doing anything anyways? Can't we get a robot to do it, if it's not something new? There's some uncertainty there for me then. New is risky. New is one of those things that isn't a secure paycheck month by month. New, of course, has a higher chance of ridiculous success. But it carries that added risk that you'll land flat on your butt and have to pick up the pieces. Picking up the pieces is hard.

So I'm not sure what the future holds for me in that area. I think I've got an idea of what I'd like it to hold. I'd like to do something new, obviously. But I'd like to make the world a better place, while making money. I'm not opposed to making money off of people, as long as I'm actually making their lives better. I couldn't stand to sell someone a product that was entirely worthless. But if what I was doing was actually improving their quality of life, see, I think that'd be a great feeling. I'm not how I'll do that yet. I think I've got some time to figure it out as I go. But I'd like to make things better. Help people live better lives, boost the economy. Become financially secure, and then use that security to continue making the world a better place. I worry sometimes that I'm a little too concerned about the finances off tomorrow. I know it's not the most important thing. I just think that being financially secure offers so many opportunities to do good things. Of course, it offers opportunities to do bad things as well, but that's a given. I'd like to be financially secure.

Been thinking about the future of relationships, specifically marriage. Now, I know, that's a no-no. Don't worry, I'm not pegging out girls just yet. Just thinking about how that's going to be, what kind of person I'm going to need to be to make that work. This is one of those things that right now I don't have to worry at all about the other person. All I can do right now is work to make myself the best person I can be, and then hope everything else works out. I've just gotta work like crazy. That's my kind of deal. Now, maybe I'm not the best at working like crazy, but I love the idea of it. I love the fact that right now I don't have to worry at all about anybody else on this. How that all ends up later in life is entirely related to how hard I work now. I love direct relations like that. Work work work now means incredible spouse later. I'm sold.

This post will be a bit all over the place. Prepare youreslves.

~~~

When I was turning in my English portfolio, I remarked to Parrish that it was four pound of me. All sheet-protected and pretty, it was sort of a big deal. It had 10th, 11th, and 12th grade writing in there. It also had some blog posts, all of water, all that fun stuff. As I was plopping it onto the pile, Parrish asks, "What's the best piece in there?"

And it got me thinking, How do I define the worth of a piece of writing? Is it how eloquent the language is? Is it how comical it is? Is it, perhaps, how effectively it gets its point across?

I didn't have an answer for her. I had a lot of writing in that portfolio. I had a ton of writing that I was very very proud of. Stuff that I'd spent many hours revising and polishing.

I included blogaday 15 in the portfolio. I wrote that post on the 13th of January, turned the portfolio in on the 25th. It was by far the newest piece in the book. Blogaday 15 received no comments on the blog. It was a much more personal post than I'd written in a very long time. Two people told me after I'd posted it that they liked it. They didn't leave a comment, but they told me.

I like to think that maybe blogaday 15 was the best piece of writing in the portfolio. Not because it's well written or incredibly powerful. But because it did good things for me, and I get the feeling that it did good things for a few other people out there in the world. Maybe it didn't, but I think that maybe, on a tiny tiny scale, it changed a few things.

And isn't that the point of writing? Why else do we get up in the morning, if not to change things for the better? Why are we here, if not to move ourselves and others forward on this eternal march towards betterment?

I had stronger pieces in that portfolio. Blogaday 15 was written with almost zero revision. I had more entertaining pieces. I had pieces that more people had seen, that more people had commented on and loved. I had tried and true veterans. But I think that blogaday 15 takes the cup. Not because it's my favorite piece, and not because it was my strongest piece. But because it did a little bit of good for me, and because I think it made the world a bit of a better place.

How do I define the value of a piece of writing? I think that I've got to say that I define it by the good it does in the world. When it all comes down to it, nothing else really matters, other than how we're doing at being better people and helping others do the same. I think that writing that misses that mark misses the meaning of its creation.

And perhaps I'm wrong. That happens. But it's my theory, and I'm sticking with it.

~~~~

I had a dream last night. I won't go into it all, but it was quite an interesting one. I only write it here because the feelings that it invoked were very interesting. A few other guys and I were in my basement before an impending crisis. I don't think we knew what it was, but looking back the only thing that'd make sense would be a nuclear strike. We had sealed everything off in preparation. The window was all plexiglass, and we knew we'd be safe in there. The strike (or whatever it was) happened, and suddenly we were a few years later. It felt like no time had passed, but we knew that much time had. Later in the dream I found a yearbook that told me it was now at least 2015, but I'm thinking the date was later than that.

In any event, we found ourselves in an extremely interesting situation. We, as a group, had absolutely no idea what existed outside our little safe room. We didn't know if anybody in the whole world had survived the crisis. We didn't know if there was any infrastructure left. We didn't know if the outlets in the wall would work. We didn't know if there was radiation outside that would toast us the moment we opened the door. We didn't know if everybody had been mutated and that zombies awaited us on the other side. We had no idea if those we loved had survived, or, if they had, where they were now that it was so far in the future. We had a computer in the room, but we didn't know if the power would last for us to use it. We didn't know if the internet had changed so much that our old web browsers would still work. We didn't know if we were wired. I remember worrying specifically about my cell phone, whether I'd ever get the chance to charge it again.

We ultimately had no information at all. We were placed in a situation where we had never been before. We had always known that there were constants out there. People and powers that we could rely on. We didn't know if anybody was alive out there. Everything was different.

We didn't spend long wondering. We ventured out of our safe room into my basement. I picked up the power drill as defense, in case there were zombies. As I ventured up the stairs, I encountered the only scary creature of the whole adventure, some big caterpillar/worm doober. I had to fight with it for a while with the power drill, but eventually I killed it. Way to go me.

But we got upstairs. I remember my house was pretty dark, but still livable. I wasn't being toasted by radiation, but I didn't see any signs of life outside of the people that had survived with me. I remember that we looked outside, to the west, and saw some ruins. Levi or James decided to go check them out, to see if there were any people there. I remember not seeing him or knowing where he was for a long time after that.

We stayed like that for a while, but then we adventured further. We went outside, and we set our course for the stake center. We made it there, and finally found some people. My neighbor was there, as well as a few familiar faces. We were ushered inside pretty quick, and then the lights were turned down so the place looked unoccupied. Apparently there was a lot of persecution going on against us. I got to talk with those people for a while, but not for too long. I never did get to figure too much out of what happened.

The next bit I remember was a year book from Tville. Because it's a dream, I don't remember where I got it. But I remember looking at it for a very long time. The pages were all sepia'd, but some of the pictures were moving Harry Potter style. The date on the yearbook said 200815. I figured it was a new numbering system, something like 15 years after the crisis, or seven years after 2008, making 15. I told my brother that it was dumb, and he agreed. We both looked through the pages forever, trying to find some shred of our former lives. The school was functioning like normal. High school kids, doing their thing. Obviously the world was different, but they were living in the new world.

We finally found evidence of us after a long search. There was one picture of a bunch of kids in front of the trophy cases by the main gym. It was a picture that the yearbook staff had put in from many years ago. I immediately saw a bunch of familar faces, as it was from our year. After a few people moved, I saw myself in the back, on my cell phone. I felt stupid for being on my cell phone for the picture, but overjoyed to know that I had actually existed and that these two worlds that I had known were connected. As I looked at the picture, me and Andrew saw in the trophy case various incarnations of Wilbur. We saw two that we identified as our own. We said something like "Our guardians" or "Our legacy" in reference to those two mascots. Interesting to note is that this part has no basis on reality. Me and Andrew have strong ties to one incarnation of wilbur, but that wasn't in the dream. It was like he and I had crafted these wilbur's. Interesting, eh? We both knew that we had existed, and that while we'd been absent for at least seven years, that those seven years hadn't seen us entirely erased.

And that was most of the dream. I woke up before I needed to, so I laid in bed for a long time thinking about it all. As dreams go, it was very interesting, just because of the scenario that it presented. I had never really placed myself in a situation like that before, where everything was uncertain. Where all the givens of life were tossed out the window. Is there food out there? Are there zombies waiting to eat me? I'm yet to see I am Legend, but I have heard that there's a similar idea there. Don't blame it on that.

I'm taking the dream for what it's worth, obviously. Just an interesting dream, and sort of fun to think about. I wonder if such a thing actually happened, how I'd react. I think that as a group we did a fairly decent job. Dream logic is obviously not the same as wakeful logic. What if me and a few buddies had actually found ourselves instantaneously several years in the future after a global crisis? Would we have ever opened the door to see what was on the other side? Would we have turned the cell phones on, hoping that somehow we'd find an outside world? Would we have saved the fruitsnacks, or would we have eaten them there? One of the things about the dream was that each step away from the initial safe room was a brave undertaking. Opening the door the first time could have meant our death. Once we had secured the house, we took the next uncertain step to the outside world. Once we had secured our surroundings, we took the step down the street to the church. Once that was figured out, we took the step to the highschool. Step by step. In reality, I don't know if we'd have ever opened the door. Things worked out alright for us, maybe I'd be brave enough to do it. Just interesting stuff to think about, that's all.

~~~

Some more to write about, but I hope there'll be another day for it. It's been a good post for me to write. I hope that you're all doing well. Happy Sunday evening, friends. I wish you good things.

Taylorsville Alliance Valentine's Special 2008

Hey everybody, happy Valentine's day.

Last night me, Nickmo, and Jaron sat down for our annual alliance valentine's interview. All three of us will be posting this today. It was a great experience, and I hope you all enjoy. Whoosh!

~~~~~

Alrighty, welcome one and all to the Taylorsville Alliance's Second Annual Valentine's Day Interview. I'm Thatcher, and I'll be chiming in black. Nickmo will represent blue, and Jaron will be green. Questions will be in pink.

I'll get this ball rolling. What are you looking for in your life right now, regarding relationships? Are you looking for that special girl? Looking for a temporary girlfriend? Avoiding? Tell us what, and why.

I'm looking for "the one." A lot of people say high school is too young... and maybe it is for a lot of people, maybe it is for me, but... It's not like I've never liked anyone. I did have real feelings for people, and it didn't work out, I know how painful it can be, and I think that helps me know how hard I really do have to work to keep my relationship together. I don't ever wanna go back to being the lonely one. Part of me thinks that when people say "high school is too young" they're referring to the stupid jerks who don't take things seriously yet. There are plenty of stories about high school sweethearts getting married and living happily :) I think that can be me too, if I work at it very hard.

So are you saying that, right now, you're actively on the hunt for "the one"? I mean, I just think there's a difference between maybe coincidentally meeting "the one" and actively seeking out a girl you're gonna plan to marry. What's the status there?

Well... truth be told, I really think I've found her. I... hesitate to say too much. I don't want to be too freakishly personal here, but... How it happened was mostly a chance thing. We happened to meet at just the right time in our lives, and there was this weird connection. I guess it's chemistry. But I still didn't want to accept that I liked her for a LONG time, and she really liked me, so she pursued me. She would always get rides home from me, and give me hugs and wouldn't let go... stuff like that. It took me a while to accept my feelings. When I did, it was like this big "duh" moment. There was nothing to be afraid of. So... I suppose, it's kind of a combination of the two? There is definitely a lot of chance involved, but you still gotta know what to go for and what to leave behind.

Right on, thanks for sharing. Now, you don't have to answer this one if you don't want to, but I'll put it out there anyways. Curious, since you are accepting the possibility of a serious future here, is there anything that you're doing right now to specifically prepare for that?

Definitely. I have been trying my best to learn the kinds of lessons I'm gonna need in a successful relationship. Sacrifice, patience, communication, honesty, sincerity, trust... so many things. It's a step-by-step sort of thing, and I mess up, of course, but it's a learning thing. I try to remember things I learned in Adult Roles, and I look for little random factoids about happily married couples (5:1 positive-to-negative ratio!) and see what I can do to be more like that. It's all taught me a lot... it's knowledge that I definitely wouldn't get if I wasn't serious about it all. And even if I wasn't thinking about one girl in particular... the thing they say about "being the kind of person you want to marry" is so true. Developing yourself and becoming a better person yourself is probably one of the best ways to prepare for a lifelong relationship, as far as I know :D

Right on, that's great, thanks for answering Jaron. Nickmo, original question?

While I think it'd be great to have a girlfriend, and definitely some good experience for the future, I definitely don't see it happening in high school, for a few reasons that I've discussed before. I'm not against high school relationships at all, and I like the idea of it, I just want to avoid it at this point to avoid being hurt or hurting someone. I don't really think this is the time or the place for elaborating on my reasons for making this decision, but I really like girls, no worries, I just don't think a relationship's the best thing for me at this point.

Follow up for you, Nickmo. Last year when we did this interview you were pretty opposed to high school relationships. You said something like "Right now, I realize that nobody needs a romantic relationship in high school, no matter how much they might want it." Can I ask what changed between now and then? What made your feelings reverse on that issue?

What made my feelings reverse? Probably hormones. Or maybe I really want a relationship because I can't have one. Haha. Honestly, I think I just said that last year because I was just trying to avoid saying something like I really really want one and sounding ridiculously stupid, because last year me had even less of a chance of getting a girlfriend than this year me does. Which isn't very much. Haha. I was probably just jealous and trying to avoid embarrassment. Your turn to answer the initial question, Chris.

I'm doing my best to avoid getting into a relationship right now. While there's plenty of nights when I think it'd make my life easier, in the end I figure that it's just not the best move I can make at this point. That doesn't mean that I'm not looking at the ladies pretty closely, though. With college approaching and everything else in my life forward, I can't help but think about the future. Now, I'm not running around saying "Oh, I could totally marry her in four years," but I am looking at certain girls and certain qualities that are good or bad. It's sorta weird, and more or less involuntary, but I'm starting to notice things like that more and more. I think that I'm basically data mining right now. Observing what's good and what's bad while keeping myself unaffiliated for a lot of reasons. School, council, my own fear of hurting somebody and being hurt, and friends are all doing a good job to keep me from making any moves.

Cool. My turn: What's the deal with Valentine's Day? Is it a necessary holiday? Is it just a scam by Hallmark to make guys buy crap for girls? Why/why not?

You know, I'm not opposed to Valentine's Day at all. Yes, I know, for a healthy relationship, it's probably good to pay attention to your significant other every day of the year. But having reminders of all that never really hurts. I believe that it does add a lot of stress to a relationship, and that it can be potentially dangerous. Yeah, I do think that Hallmark profits from it, but I'm not opposed to people making a good profit. To be honest, I'm a little excited about the prospect of Valentine's Days in my future. I'm not incredibly orthodox when it comes to relationships and all that, but I see Valentine's Day as an opportunity to be creative and do something amazing for someone that I really care about. I thrive on opportunities to prove myself. What could be cooler than working really hard to say something that means so much to you? I don't know, I just think it'll be pretty awesome. High school, bahaha, Valentine's Day is a joke. But in the future, yeah, I'm really looking forward to that opportunity and obligation.

I sorta answered this in my blog yesterday, but I'll do a short recap. I think Valentine's is awesome. I think it's great that love gets its own holiday. What isn't so awesome is how a lot of people seem to think that it's all about the gifts and the expensive date and whatnot. I think a little outside-of-the-box thinking needs to happen. I don't think that it should be the one day a year you take your sweetie out to dinner... I think it's yet another helpful excuse to do something that you should already be doing on a regular basis anyway, and a celebration of your happy relationship. Like I said about President's Day: The president is still around every other day. So should love.

My turn, I guess. I like the idea of Valentine's Day, but it's got poor execution. Guys forget about it and rush out to buy something at the last minute to make their girlfriend happy, and the focus of the holiday seems to be on material objects. I do know that when/if I get a girlfriend, I'll try not to make it all about stuff, because if the girl focuses on how much compressed coal I can put on her finger, then she's not really a great person, and also because worrying about stuff like that detracts from what should be the spirit of Valentine's Day. In short, Valentine's would be cool if we didn't feel so pressured to make it all about material objects.

"If the girl focuses on how much compressed coal I can put on her finger, then she's not really a great person" - I agree. Rings are nice, but that shouldn't be the focus.

Hmm... What is your favorite/most memorable/worst Valentine's memory?

I guess I'll take a stab at it with the only Valentine's Day that's ever been anything but neutral to me. It was ninth grade, and me and Eunice (names have been changed to protect the innocent) had very recently had a serious downgrade to our relationship. I wasn't entirely sure where I stood as far as she was concerned. I knew I hadn't entirely given up hope. So, in English that day we had done something with arts and crafts, and I had some tiny fake flower that I horked from the pile of stuff we didn't use. I figured I'd go throw it at her, you know, just as a "Hey, I'm still alive, isn't that great?" kinda thing. So I'm walking over there towards her locker, and she opens it up about six seconds before I got there. As soon as she opened it up about a billion of those candy hearts spilled out all over the place. Yeah, I can't compete with that. So I just walked on dejected. Granted, I hadn't put any effort into my attempt, but it still hurt to get so upstaged. Rahahahaha.

Aww, sad, about the candy hearts thing. That must have been a bummer.

My Valentine's memory was my first kiss. Actually, it was my NOT first kiss. I liked this girl (the first one I was serious about) and on Valentine's, I wanted to kiss her. I would give her the present and then exchange a quick first kiss before she got in the car to drive away. Nothing fancy, nothing fancy. The night before, I got this random idea. I found a conversation heart that said "let's kiss" and decided to give it to her, kind of to break the ice. (I was sore afraid.) Well... the day came, and as we're coming up to my house, I realize that we hadn't even kissed on the cheek yet, and I started to panic. We couldn't skip a step! (Like I said, I was on edge. This was a big deal.) So, I chickened out. I gave her the gift, but not the heart. She pulled me in for the hug, and then paused... that was the moment I was supposed to turn my head and kiss her, but I froze. She kissed my cheek instead, got into the car, and drove away.

That is the story of my almost-first kiss.

Awww, sadness for Jaron. But then again, the Captain Clean Lips inside me secretly rejoices for your sorrow. Rejection always means clean lips, and clean lips always mean sanitation and medical security.

Clean lips club for the win.... I think... I don't have any experiences with Valentine's Day, either, except for the interview thingy last year. With Megan. Haha... that was hilarious. But yeah, I got nothing. I've never been within a mile of having a relationship, so I've never had anything special or whatever to do on Valentine's. I think this Thursday will most likely be my most memorable/fun Valentine's Day ever, and the first one I'll ever have a date on.

Turns out we've got some guest questions. K.K. asks What's your favorite love song ever?

Oh snap, that's a good question. I think that love songs come and go for me. In ninth grade, it was definitely "Crazy for the Girl" - Evan and Jaron. It was sorta the theme song for the first half of that year. Then I didn't listen to it for six months, ha. It's not my favorite any more though. I think for all time favorite love song, I'm gonna go with "Better Days" - Goo Goo Dolls. That song always evokes very strong emotion for me. When I think of a girl that I could be really serious with, I gotta think that me and her would both feel that song, just because of the way that she'd have to be for me to be serious about her. Does that make any sense?

Hmm. Well, I think the best slow dancin' song ever is "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias. As for my favorite love song... That's a tough question. I could give you a few that I really like: "Better Together" by Jack Johnson. "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional. "Everything" by Lifehouse. "Blind" by Lifehouse. Um... There are just a lot of good ones for different moods and situations, you know? "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5... "A Plain Morning" by Dashboard... "Home" by Michael Buble is a great one. I guess it depends on if "I miss you" songs count as love songs. And truthfully, some of the fun, happy ones really are quite good. "Here (In Your Arms)" by Hellogoodbye. "Red Sweater" by The Aquabats. The list goes on :)

Agreed. "Stolen" is really good, but unfortunately, it comes down to three other ones for me. First of all, there's "Hands Down" by Dashboard, mainly because of the line "My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me so I die happy." I need to use that for a pickup line sometime. Then of course, there's "O Valencia!" by The Decemberists. That's a really good, bittersweet song. Everyone should go look it up, it's on YouTube. One of my favorites of all time. Last but not least is "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie. It's a painfully sentimental song with a terribly good thought-provoking line: "Love is watching someone die." That line just makes me think every time I hear it...

"Hands Down" - I agree, that's a great one. I also really like "Of Angels and Angles" by The Decemberists. It makes me smile :)

Another guest question, this time from my good friend J.J. from south of the border. She asks, Do guys actually like Valentine's Day or do you think it's overrated getting your signifigant other chocolate, etc., etc.?

I like Valentine's Day. I don't know about overrated... if anything, it's underrated, or just misunderstood. I guess it's the same answer as before. I think sometimes people just lose sight of the real meaning.

Like we've said, Valentine's Day shouldn't be all about the Benjamins. It should be more about the love.

M.Wh. asks: Do you think that if a girl likes a guy, he'll start liking her back because she likes him, or vice versa?

Yes. I don't know about falling head over heels for the girl right away, but there's a definite impact. My brother Michael has always said that there's nothing in the world that's more attractive than a girl who likes you. I know it maybe shouldn't be that way, but once I figure out a girl likes me, I always like her more than I did before I knew she liked me. It just happens. Whether he'll officially "like her back" is still up in the air, but he'll definitely like her more, I think.

I think it's probably true, but I hesitate to say anything either way because I haven't experienced this before (to my knowledge). So yeah, probably.

Hmm. Tough question... I don't think it's a black and white thing, but I do think it has an impact. I mean, think about how hard it is to like someone who doesn't like you back. I imagine the effect can be reversed to a certain extent... it makes it a little harder to not like someone who likes you back. But I think there are plenty of other factors that can be much more repelling than the extent to which a one-way attraction can be inviting. If... that makes sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it can have a bit of an effect, more or less depending on the person and their situation, but I don't think it's a huge factor. I think mostly what it does is eliminate that awkward first barrier - that "I don't know if she likes me" thing. With that out of the way, it's easier for a relationship to connect and start, if there's a potential there.

Our good friend M.We. asks: What defines a Valentine? I mean, if I'm not dating someone, can I still have one?

I think it can be anyone you ask to be your Valentine. And no reason why people can't have more than one! Your best friends can be your Valentines. I guess it's just whoever you care about the most. I mean, I guess Valentine's is sorta a celebration of romantic love, but think about elementary school. We gave Valentine's to everybody. So, I suppose a general love for mankind can be a valid cause for Valentine celebration. I think so long as it's about love and happy feelings, you can direct it toward anything you like, whether you've got a boyfriend or not. That's why the whole Singles Awareness Day thing doesn't fly for me :D That's just me.

Haha. I'm terribly aware of my single-tude every day, so Valentine's is just like every other day. ;) But yeah, I think that anyone can be your V-dog. I think my Valentine this year is either Jennifer or inadvertently Megan, so who knows? It could be anyone, even a clarinet. Go for it. Also, I like the idea of polygatining.

+ A billion word choice for polygatining. I had to think about it for a tic, but wow, that's pretty smooth. As for the initial question, I'm going to have to be the dissenting vote here. For me, relationships are pretty much an all or nothing thing. I think that if you're gonna have a Valentine, they've got to mean something to you. And if they mean something to you, at least in a romantic sense, I don't think there can be any other Valentines. If you want to say that a buddy is your Valentine, that's fine, but what does that mean? Myself, I couldn't do it. If I had a declared Valentine, she'd definitely be a lot more to me than a buddy.

I just thought about it, and... a Valentine is such an abstract thing. What does it mean? "Be My Valentine." "Okay." And then... what? You know? I guess it can just mean anything you want it to.

Ok, a question from me now. What's the best girl for you? How is she? What's she about? In addition, why are those things important to you?

The best girl for me? At this point, I know a few who would probably fit the bill, but I don't know how sure I am about that. The "perfect" girl would have to be into classical music, and the bands I like. She'd have to be intelligent, someone you can carry a conversation with. She'd have to be funny and into my sense of humor, which can be extremely bizarre at times. She'd have to have a personality I couldn't stand to live without. She'd have to be someone my mind would keep returning to when she's not there, someone I couldn't help but wonder about. She'd have to be mysterious and intriguing. She'd have to believe a lot of the same things I do. Since they say opposites attract, she'd have to have pretty high self-esteem and be pretty confident. She's all about the love and the sensitivity. All of those things are important to me because what they taught us in adult roles is true: you need someone who's really similar to you in most ways. That's my current opinion. All of those things are important to me because those are the things I deal with in my daily life, and if she couldn't be a part of that, it wouldn't work out. Haha, reading that back, it really sounds like I'm picky. Haha... maybe that's why I don't have a girlfriend.

The best girl for me would be one who could offset me in just the right way - someone who could help me bring out my imperfections and help me learn to fix them, or at least motivate me to try a little harder. I believe that there is an amazing power of mutual growth and development that can happen when a couple works together on their problems in a loving way. I agree with Nick on the "similar" thing. It's easiest to connect with someone who's a lot like you. I'd need someone mostly introverted, but who could open up to me. The way I work is, I have my few close friends that I can open up to, and that's all I need. Sometimes it can be down to just one lifeline. I know it's dangerous, but... that's how I roll ;) To be each other's lifeline and to have the trust and faith that neither of us would do anything to break that would be a very rewarding and uplifting thing for me. Um... she'd have to like physical expressions of affection. Healthy ones, of course. I'd have to be able to feel absolutely and completely comfortable with her. I'd need to feel that I am unconditionally cared for. I'd need someone who wouldn't get freaked out by my intensity... (weird for me to say, yes, but I hate having to hold back my feelings, so when I feel strongly for someone, it comes out.) Similar interests are always good. Someone to just do stuff with, stuff we both love. Video games, writing, whatever. I would need companionship, partnership, just a feeling of general togetherness. Nick said he wanted a mysterious girl, but I would have a hard time with that. It would frustrate me. I want to know what's going on in her mind, just like I want her to know what's going on in mine. Sometimes that can't be helped, but communication is. Um... someone who didn't need a lot of expensive gifts, but is appreciative of them when I give them. Someone kind, definitely. I can't handle teasing... I'm over-sensitive. Someone who doesn't like teasing, except in very limited circumstances. Um... yeah, that's just a small list :D Guess who I'm thinking of... Good question.

Wow, you guys make the application to be a CIA agent look like candy. Anyways, I think the most important thing for me is somebody that wants to move forward. Somebody who's got a firm idea of where they've been, where they are now, and where they are going. Somebody who has their priorities straight, and above all else, somebody that wants to be a better person. If that's my end goal, I want somebody else with that same goal. I think that if there's a girl who's really working to be a better person, everything else will start to fall into place. There will be problems in any relationship, no matter the qualities that the individuals possess. A desire to grow and be better means that we can learn from those problems together and become greater. Somebody that believes deeply the things that I believe is important to me. That's why I make my life the way it is, and I couldn't see myself sharing someone else's life that wasn't sure of that. Progress, I think, is what it's all about. And a girl that could help me progress, and that I could help progress, and that could help our children progress, that's number one for me.

Honestly, I should probably add that I don't really know what the perfect girl will be like until I find her. At this point, I'm just a naive little Utahn boy pretending I know what I want, when in reality, I probably have no clue. When/if I find that perfect girl, she might be exactly like I described her, or she might be completely different.

S.P. asks: How do you define love?

Wow. That's a good question. I define love as... when two people become one and their sum is greater than their parts. Obviously not literally, but... there is this connection that is just unmistakable. And it includes so many different feelings... a lot of happiness, when you're with the other person or thinking about them, but also a lot of pain when you aren't together. It's when a smile jumps to your face whenever you see them. It's when you can't get rid of that smile, no matter how hard you try. It's when they're talking to you and you realize that the world around you has gone by without you noticing it. It's when your mind automatically jumps to them whenever you're not doing anything else. It's how you think about them when everything else gets quiet at night. It's when you see something beautiful and wish that they could see it with you. It's when you know that you want nothing more than to be with that person forever. It's when the conversation comes easy and natural. It's when you feel so comfortable with them that you divulge every dark secret you have and know that they will still love you afterwards. It's when you want to become a better person for the one you love. It's when you try not to do anything bad, even if no one else will know about it, because you know that it affects them too. It's how you know that every single thing you do or think about gets transferred to them in some way. It's how you know that your lives are no longer just your own; you are sharing them together, and the best part is, you're happy about it. It's when you lose sight of some things that you thought were so important before and understand that you are better off without them. It's life-changing. It's monumental. It's incredible. It's probably the best thing worth pursuing in this life. It's what separates us from animals and brings us closer to being gods.

Yeah. Stuff like that :) I like what Courtney said: "Love is like, Woah!" It's hard to pin down... but you know it when you feel it.

Love is interesting. Love is always exciting. You should never be bored in love, you should always discover new things about the person you love, little things maybe, but nevertheless, things you didn't know. Love is when you can't think of enough ways to say what love is (*cough* Jaron). Love is painful when it's not requited. Love is painful when it is requited, sometimes more so than the unrequited kind. Love is knowing when to stop. Love is watching someone die. Death Cab had that right. Love is not even knowing what love is, but knowing that you're in it.

I think that love, in its true form, is a gift from God. And I think that it's given bit by bit, as we work for it. It's care for the other person. Genuine concern for their well being. That concern is an entirely altruistic thing, though. It's not about you, it's about them. And why it's about them, well, maybe we won't know, but we know that it is, and we act on it.

K.S. asks: What's your perfect thing to do on a date, activity wise?

I really like laid-back hang-out-type things where there is a lot of talking, about big and little questions. But this really only works with people you're already very close to. I like having no plan whatsoever... just watching a movie, or going on a random frosty run, or playing pokemon cards, or whatever. Just being together. I suppose that's not really a date...

I agree with Jaron, the spontaneous/weird stuff is pretty cool. Haha, like my date for Valentine's Day, it was kind of random and spur-of-the-moment, but I think it's gonna be awesome. My favorite kinds of dates are the ones where it's really casual and you're just there to have fun. Of course, if/when I start looking for a girlfriend, it'll probably switch to the more talking/asking questions sort of date where you're trying to get to know someone you don't even know, since most of my dates have been with pretty good friends. So yeah, casual dates are good. :D

Agreed with the two above, more or less. Structure in a date is in no way a bad thing. as long as it facilitates genuine talking. That's my number one on a date. Can I actually talk to a girl? Can we learn more about each other? Can I find out what kind of person she is? Hopes? Fears? Dreams? If I can't do that on a date, it really wasn't worth much to me. That's what I think dates ought to be about. I love having a great time, and that's cool, but I can have a great time with my boys. If I'm on a date, I'm there to have a great time with you, and to learn more about you.

M.B. asks: What would it take to make Valentine's Day romantic for a guy?

I don't think it would really take a lot. I mean, if he's the one buying the chocolates and dinner and whatever, he probably just wants to be comfortable and have a laugh or two with the girl, maybe get a good hug at the end of the night. He wants to enjoy his evening. He wants it all to go over smoothly, and hopes that at the end of it all, he and his Valentine are a bit closer. Truth is, though, I'm probably not the best guy to ask about this :D For me personally, it would be my aforementioned plan-less fun-time with a special someone. We can go to, like... Dee's for some breakfast-for-dinner, and then go to my house and watch a movie while we bake cookies, and then snuggle on the couch for a bit and talk about stuff. I just think the biggest thing is feeling comfortable with being me and wasting time in the best way I can. :)

I think what it would take is for the girl to lay off on the pressure. I'd have to be in a relationship first of all, for a Valentine's Day to even want to be romantic. But really I think all it would take is for the girl not to treat it like anything special. If it's just another day where we maybe spend more time together, then that's fine by me. I think the most romantic Valentine's Day would consist of me getting her a gift that's more of an inside joke that's really meaningful to both of us, instead of some expensive chunk of compressed coal (still like that), and then having a nice quiet dinner, home-made or at a restaurant, it doesn't matter, and then just maybe renting a movie or sitting and talking. That would be an awesome day. Can't say no to any of that. That's all it would take, one romantic, pressure-free day, neither one of us trying to impress the other. Just being happy to be with the other.

This is the one romantic answer you'll get out of me. To be romantic for a guy, the right girl would have to come and say "Hey, I really like you. You make me want to be a better person, and I make you want to be a better person. I'm a great girl, and you're a great guy. What do you say?" and I'd say, wow, let's take this slow. And that'd start a train. And nothing would happen for a few weeks, but a few weeks later I'd hold her hand, etc. etc. Honestly, that'd be the most romantic thing.

Haha, I have to be honest, all this talk of Valentine's has me wanting to abandon my quest. But I'm certain nothing would happen if I did. So nay. I will remain strong.

~~~~

And that's it for the Taylorsville Alliance 2008 Valentine's Day Interview. I feel really good about what happened here tonight. It's always good to come together with two other guys that you respect a lot and talk about things that are important to us. Much thanks to Nickmo and Jaron for all their great insights, as well as all the friends out there who contributed questions. Incredible thanks to everybody who reads this thing. Even more incredible thanks to those who comment on this. Also, if there's anything that you feel we didn't answer thoroughly enough, something you want to ask a follow up on, or just a normal question that you have, feel free to ask away. Because of how cool this was tonight, we might just start doing this more often.

Thanks for being here everybody. I'm glad we've been able to have this discussion. Much love. I hope you're all doing well, and good luck for the future.

Hey everybody, happy Friday. I'm back after not having written for a while.

It's been a rough week. I haven't been able to get myself into any one strong schedule, and so most everything has suffered a bit. UBSCT sleeping in was great the first day, but it just threw me off the next two.

I really strive on schedules. When things are constant, life is good. I think I've said it before, but changing breakfast cereals is always rough on my blood sugar levels. If I mess up breakfast, lunch is trouble, and if lunch is trouble, it's always a lot harder to make the rest of the day go well. When I can nail breakfast, everything else has a tendency to fall into place. Of course, nailing breakfast is in large part dependent upon how I did when I went to bed the night before. Everything is very connected, and when I'm in a schedule I can predict and react more accurately.

So the schedule has been off, and that's been messing with me a bit. School was harder for me this week than it has been in a very long time. I'm two and a half calculus assignments behind. Part of that is 55 minute class periods' fault, part of it is my own laziness, and another part is external factors. Regardless of the reasons though, being behind in calculus is trouble. Getting caught back up will require a marathon of epic proportions. I will make it happen, but I don't know, I don't like not getting it. I understand the principles, but there are just so many little things that trip me up. Sometimes I don't even know where to start. I really really want to natively understand calculus. I want it to be pure and entirely clean to me, but it just isn't happening. I don't get it the way I wish I did. I'll need to do a lot of work in order to make that happen. I know I can do it, I'm just worried that it won't happen soon enough or that it'll run into something or other that'll make it so I never do it. I don't want that to happen.

English has been crazy. I've let myself get personally involved in the class. Some classes that's alright in. In Chemistry last year, I had to become personally involved or I'd have withered and died. I had to invest myself in that class and make it part of me in order to succeed. I think, in a way, that's what I have to do with all of my classes, at least a bit. I need to care about it enough to do excellent work for no reason other than to do excellent work. That doesn't happen in all of my classes.

In English I'm personally involved, but it's the wrong kind of involvement. I'm not really invested in the class at all right now. I don't look at it as an opportunity to learn like I ought to. Right now it's just somewhere I go. My friends are there, and we have a good time. I do love fab vocab. It just feels like I'm constantly butting heads with the teacher though. I know we can laugh and get along and make jokes, but sometimes I just feel like it's a fight. My Hamlet essay was a tragedy because I got too involved. I took it as a personal battle, and I totally defeated myself. I tried to write it without any of my own voice in it. Part of that was a bitter response to the little sit down I had with the teacher. Bitter responses never make for high quality writing. There's a lot of work that's constantly due in that class, and it's just sort of dragging on me. I really enjoy the people in the class, and I find joy in some of the work. I just feel like it's a bit excessive.

So school's been a little crazy. I got my computer tech business sorted out. I am taking it through community ed now. I've got the book, and I'm doing the work out of it. I need to finish 'reading' it and answering the questions, and then I need to create three projects on the computer. Then I turn them in and I'm done. The book is copyrighted 1985, which is incredibly cool. "Internet" isn't in the index. 20 megabyte disks are huge. It's hilarious to see how things were back in the day. I'm a little more than halfway through the book. I'm really excited to read the chapters about the future of the computer, just to see how accurately they predicted. It's interesting, that's for sure. I'm happy to be nearly done with it. Once I get it taken care of, I'll be in line to graduate. I haven't been in line since sophomore year. It's a pretty great deal.

I've been unhappier this week than I usually am. There are a lot of factors that play into this. I haven't accomplished a lot of the things that I wanted to this week. I'm behind with homework, and I missed a few deadlines. I've been less healthy this week. My diet hasn't been all that great, and my bloodsugar has averaged about 30 points higher than I want it to. I haven't been sleeping great. I've been between the old schedule and the new schedule. I think either schedule would work, but inbetween isn't quite doing it for me.

I'm not unhappy right now. I've still been pretty happy this week. It's just important to note that this week has seen more unhappiness than most other weeks. It's been interesting.

So, naturally, I've been thinking about cause and effect. Why are things not as good for me this week? I listed a lot of the reasons above. I think it all stems from the fact that I haven't worked as hard this week. I've been lazy. And because I've been lazy, I haven't done a great job taking care of myself.

So, solution: be less lazy. Take better care of myself. Drink more water, eat healthier. Sleep better. Do more work. Think more. Utilize time wisely. Be kinder.

I've thought a lot about the way I want to be. You all saw my great excitement about the new plan. The idea that I'd get to bed by midnight was really appealing. I've been looking for a change for a while now.

Two weeks into this new program, and I haven't succeeded once. I still think it's a great idea, and I still want to work for it. But I think that, perhaps, it's more important that I work on some other things first, to build to it.

I want to start working out again. That's one thing that I haven't been doing at all for the past several months. Workout has always served to make me feel better about myself from every single angle. Working out has provided me with incredible results time and time again. It makes me a happier and more effective person. I haven't done any of it for a really long time. I feel like I need to start reaping those benefits again. I want the added energy I get, and I want the added ability and happiness.

Step one is going to be to start working out more. I don't intend to start all that fast, but it'd be glorious to get out for a jog this next week. I'll do more stretching and a tiny bit of work before bed. I've got a bit of a plan, and I'm going to go for it.

I also want to start writing and thinking more. Blogaday was good because it made me think. I always feel accomplished when I write. Just like working out, I feel like it adds to my ability and helps me be happier. It's a two for one deal.

Particularly with the writing, I want to start talking more about ideas. I tried a long time ago to do an idea-a-day. It was sorta like blogaday, except instead of a post a day, I'd write about an idea I had a day. Sometimes I had an idea from before, and other times I'd create the idea for the post that day. Some were business models, others were design ideas or products or etc. etc. But I want to start thinking more about that stuff. And I think one of the best ways to do that is to write about it. When I have an idea I think it'd be cool to come here and flesh it out a bit.

Most of the ideas that I'll write about won't really be good ideas. I recognize that, and even celebrate it a bit. The goal here is not to write great ideas, but rather to explore and learn a bit. I'll take crap for them, but I don't want anybody to assume that I think they're incredibly ideas. They're just ideas, and I'm going to start writing about them. Hooray!

So that's what I've been looking at lately. I've got a ton of work that I need to get done. Having a lot on your plate is incredibly cliche', but it's the way things are right now. I think the key for me is going to be remembering what's important. If I'm going to not get something done, I want to make sure that whatever it is that suffers isn't the important stuff. There are certain things that I'm willing to let slide. I'll let calculus assignments slide, because I know they're not the most important things. There are other things, though, and I'm not willing to give up. Things that I'll fight for.

High school has always been something that I've fought for. It's been really important to me. I think the work that I've put in has paid off, no questions. I'm coming to a point in my life where high school isn't always the most important thing though. I'm not saying that I'm about to stop doing homework in favor of something else, but I'm saying that I want to really do what I've got to do. There are things that are important, and I'm going to keep those things my primary concern. I need to work on keeping the big things big and the little things little.

I just feel like it's time to go back to the basics. Like it's time to focus on being instead of doing for a bit. I want to be a better person, obviously, so I want to take steps to make that happen. I feel like working out and writing more are going to help that to happen. At the end of the day I want to go to bed happy about the progress I've made that day. And I want that progress to come from calculus and english and working out and writing. I want it to come from all over the place. But the most important thing is that I want it to come, and that I'm going to take steps to make it happen. It's a process, obviously. But hey, while I'm living, I might as well do something with myself, right?

So here I am. Friday night. Pretty late. Legs are sore, not sure why. Pretty tired, and really looking forward to the time I've got to sleep. Tomorrow ought to be a good day. I'm going to try to make it the best that I can. But for now friends, I depart from hence. Thanks for listening, I do appreciate it.