Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Dr. Phil OWNAGE



Happy Valentine's Day part II!

The picture above is, in fact, a real valentine that I got today. So, for all of you unfortunate souls who feel bad because you didn't get anything: consider yourselves lucky.

So, I just wrote half of a post and nuked it. It sucked big time. It's gone now. Hooray!

Recently, there has been alot of debate as to whether being in a relationship is the best choice. I cannot answer this question for you, as it is something we all have to decide for ourselves. And since it's valentine's day, I'm going to help you all make that decision. Tonight, I present you with my 100% unbiased list of facts about relationships. Prepare yourselves to learn.

There are 5 undeniable facts about relationships. Here they are.

1) When you like a girl, you have to shower every day. When you don't, it's free game.

2) When you like a girl, Peter and Kyle try to kill you.

3) When you like a girl, Halo suffers. Every time Halo suffers, a baby kitten dies.

4) When you like a girl, you come up with really good pickup lines, ones about breakfast cereal. You then proceed to make a fool of yourself.

5) When you like a girl, stefanie wishes you pain.

I don't care who you are, and who you like. These 5 facts will remain. I warned you.

And now, lets hear from some experts in the field.

When prompted continually to say something funny about relationships, Jeff from American Fork said this:

"the relationship between a guy and a girl is like the relationship between a guy and a dog. The guy does everything for the dog, pays for it to get it's hair done, feeds it, gives it a house, etc. the only thing a girl doesn't do is crap on the lawn"

Truly inspiring.

My ever so wise brother shared this with me:

"relationships are fun until communication happens."

And so there you have it. The question now is, "is she really worth having peter and kyle after me? Am I willing to forget the tender touch of the controller S for her sweaty hand? do I really want to ride fast rides?" The answer is yours to make.

Mind you.... if you choose her instead of not her, baby kittens die. You don't want that.

Fact: Hitler killed millions of jews.

Fact: Hitler was married to a girl.

History has proved it. When you like a girl, the innocent suffer first.

Fact: Valentine's day was made up by the hallmark corporation and the democratic party.

Fact: Both of them hate you and want you to die of terrible diseases.

You can't argue with this logic folks. The bottom line is, photoshop is the only thing that will truly bring you happiness at this stage in your life.




Happy Valentine's Day!

1 comment:

Holy_Roman_Nick said...

Well, that was depressing. But at least you've seriously liked a girl that liked you back. And that girl out there, who sent you that valentine? Suck it up. "'Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."--every romantic comedy evar. If you're ever down, just think of how emos are. Do you really want to be like them? I thought not. Oh, and Chris? Cheap shot.

P.S.--Holy_Roman_Nick will OWNZ0RZ YOU!!!!!!!!!!!