Sunday, February 05, 2006

Stick it to the Man

Wow, there is a secret society of ninja's and government agents that are trying to keep me from writing. I don't know what the deal is, but nobody wants me to write. They're all out to get me. Every night I'm like "Oh, I'll write" and then something pops up. Coincidence? I think not. They're out to get me.

However! Using my powers of superness, I'm going to beat them. Eat that suckers.

I have been overtaken with a fascination about lists lately. Everybody loves lists. They are so quick, so compact, and so useful. You can't beat a list. A list has skills. Therefore, I'm going to write a list that i've wanted to write for a very long time. I want to keep writing lists. However, here is my very first list.

The top (and bottom) 5 feelings in the world.

#1. You got swatted (clap clap clapclapclap)

There is nothing in this world that makes you stand taller than swatting some guy down in basketball. I don't care who it is, I don't care if it's shane, and I don't care if it's a 12 year old. They jump and release, and you jump on the intercept course. The crowd goes silent in anticipation. And then the audible smack echoes through the gym, and there is no doubt in anyone's mind. You are king. AHHHH!

#2. 3 more hours.

You wake up in the middle of the night, and the clock reads 3:30. Good crap, you've got 3 hours to sleep, and it just makes your day. yay!

#3. No scopes.

Last night I beat James at halo 25-24. 15 seconds before the win i was down 23-24. I was on lockout, running from down middle to down-sniper. Isaac was rushing towards me, and I busted out my sniped, nailed him in the chest with a no-scope, then smacked him down. 24-24. James turns the corner about them, and starts smg'in me from down middle. I run down underneath the sniper tower, and hide right by the door. James turns the corner, and I sword him into oblivion. 25-24, and i've got about no health left. ggnore.

#4. The wind at your back.

Yesterday at the track meet I took 2nd to last. That's not last place, and that is awesome. But anyways, before the race started I was very last in the pack. 1st lane, last place. That means I'm not going anywhere. Hansen shoots the gun, and I start jogging behind everyone. From somewhere, I got some mad boost of energy, so I just popped out to lane 3, and started powering past everyone on the start. By the end of lap 1, I was in 7th place. I had passed a good 25 people, and it felt so good. I was using my stride, it felt like I was being pushed from behind, I was breathing like mad, it was awesome. Then, that awesome feeling left and I fell back in to 2nd to last. However, for those 60 awesome seconds, I was king of the world. I love the wind at your back.

#5. That nose thing.

There are certain moments when you are forced to take a deep, cleansing breath through your nose. You can hear it for a mile away because it's so loud, but it just cleans everything out. It only pops up rarely, like when you get waken up to something nice, or when you hug somebody special-like or whatever. But it's nice, makes your lungs feel good, makes the world smell better. It's good eh.

So, those are 5 good feelings. I'm writing really trashy tonight, but I'm having fun anyways. Smile.

So, the bottom 5.

#1. 2 more minuts.

You wake up in the middle of the night. The clock says 5:58. 2 minutes to sleep. Shoot me now.

#2. Nice try dingus.

In elementary school, when you finally get up the guys to pass a note to a girl telling her you like her, and she says "Ewww, you're gross." But it's not one of those "Ewww, you're gross (and that means I like you)" its an "Ewww, you're gross (and that means you smell)". That's just not fun.

#3. You're flat.

When bryan tells you that you're hitting the wrong notes. Now, you know that you're hitting the wrong notes. Its no mystery to anyone in the room. You know bryan is trying to help, but its just the nail in the coffin. you blow, for reals.

#4. BOOT DISK ERROR.

nobody wants to hear that their harddrive blew up. thats just depressing. I hate that little message.

#5. 24-25-22-6.

have you ever last at halo by 19? It's not a good feeling. Halo is the universal leveler. It makes everyone equal for 5 minutes while we try to kill each other. Nobody is born with better halo skills. Nobody is taller, nobody shoots straighter. It's you, your controller, and testosterone. Whoever wins deserves it, there's no doubt about it. That what makes it so crushing when you lose by 19. You know it's not cheap, you know its not some trick. You deserved to get tramped, and good crap, you got it hard.

So, that's allI got. I want to hear your lists. Submit your junk, I'll mock it at a later date. Leave me comments dangit, don't make me come over there.

3 comments:

Flamingo said...

I've already told you these, and you've already made fun of me.

#1 best feeling: when kool-aid goes on sale 10/$1.00

#1 worst feeling: When you go to get your favorite cereal, and only the gross powder is left in the bottom.

Holy_Roman_Nick said...

#1 best: Having a girl actually talk to me... (Yeah, pathetic.)

#1 worst: Having that same girl pwn you verbally. That always hurts me deep inside. "Owwww, my pride."--Peter Griffin.

Robert "Chris Got Raped" Weeks said...

hahaha that was me who beat you by 19 huh. Yeah, pretty sure it was me.