Saturday, June 30, 2007


Sometimes when I can't think of a title, I just look at the keyboard until I find a particular letter I like. Then I'll try out the first few words that come to my mind that start with that letter. Today: Potomac.

What's the deal? There's ups and downs and confusing middles. Life, like we've discussed earlier, always comes at me in cycles.

One cycle that I've played through a few times is the Ultimate cycle. I traverse the amplitude between wanting to be super competitive about it all, or just keeping it relaxed and fun on Friday nights.

Most of this week I wanted to push the limits and be competitive. I wanted to play other high schools, maybe do summer or fall city league.

But I think we're now on the backswing of that cycle. Right now I'm thinking that we should appreciate Ultimate for what it is and use it as we've got it. Why do we need to blow Murray out of the water? Wouldn't we rather chill on a clear Friday night?

Odd mood tonight. Something's a little off. This summer, so far, has been less than what I wanted it to be. There have been some extremely excellent moments though. PLC was amazing. There's something glorious about the whole week. I have nothing but love for PLC. I've been on a few really cool dates, run a few great runs, and started moving forward on council stuff, which I absolutely love.

And, thinking about those things, summer's been alright.

The only reason that I am not enamored with this summer like I want to be is because I'm doing less work than I usually am. During school I'm constantly required to progress. I've got to learn something or complete a project or do whatever. Today, not so much.

Another factor, the human factor, plays a large role in summer. I just don't see people as often as I do during the school year. I know that this is partly (largely) my fault. I'm not quite sure why I'm like that though. I love to be with people. Somedays, for whatever reasons, I don't make a great effort to pull it off though. Those are disappointing days.

So how do I fix the problem? There's no use in having a problem if one is not going to make an effort to fix it. What's the key?

Obviously, be with people more. Work. Then work harder.

There are things going for me right now. I love those, and I'm going to work hard on those.

I need to go running more. Running makes my life better. I'm gonna do that.

I need to be around people more. Maybe I'll start taking people up on offers. Maybe I'll start making my own offers.

Tonight is a night. There's no question about it. And, as such, I am inhabiting tonight. The feelings of tonight, just like the feelings of last night, are important and real. I have a healthy respect for tonight.

But what about tomorrow night? Do I respect tomorrow night's feelings? Maybe I fear tomorrow night's feelings, because they will invariably be different than tonight's.

The question then, is whether or not these are good feelings. Are they productive? Do they serve a purpose? More importantly, what do they move me to do? Do they make me want to do good things, or bad things, or no things? What's the point behind them?

This post is sort of like all those other deep posts. Except that this one just isn't as cool. Which is alright. Because that's not the point of it.

Which, once again, begs the question: what's the point?

I want some rain. And I want to go downtown. I think I'd like some rain while I'm downtown.

I also want my AP scores. Ah, those were the days.

I think I want to just dig a hole. There's something extremely satisfying about using that shovel and creating a massless gap in the crust. The trouble is that I've never really had a good reason to dig a hole. Maybe if I had a reason to dig the hole...

So.... what's the news? Hmm, that's odd. I think I'm smiling a little bit. Yeah. Huh. And I don't really know why. But I am, as a passive sort of deal. Puzzling, yet not unwelcome.

I wouldn't mind a broadsword right about now. You know, for a quest and all that.

It's 1:50 right now. There's still a little time left to save it. It was good to see people tonight. Good to hang out with my family a bit. Tomorrow looks like a pretty decent day. I'm really excited for Sunday, that's going to be an even better day.

I wish that there was a pandora for moods instead of musical genres.

After all, at least we'll be safe from bears.

No comments: