Lag

I fear I have created a monster. I'm not feeling really well, I do believe I'm getting sick. The whole state is sick this week, it's bad news. I was pretty happy that I was immune, then I got hit by it today and look at me go.

It's been a very long time since I've just hung out with people. I've hung out with my boys, sure, but it's been ages since I've hung out anywhere where there've been girls.

Why did we decide to let the club play two nights a week? I'm not going to both. I'm going to get a social life, somehow. I'm getting tired of not being able to do things I'd like to do because I agreed to do other things. Sure, those other things are good, but too much of one thing is terrible. I'm tired of working out every day after school, and I'm tired of playing frisbee both days on the weekend.

Perhaps the trouble is that I'm finally at the end of this uncharacteristic enthusiasm streak-

on any given week, I'll have two or three dreams. Things I think would be awesome. I never do them. I just don't.

These past two weeks, I've pulled off two dreams. Actually made them fly, so far at least. Number one was the Alliance, and number two was Ultimate.

To be frank, I'm surprised. I really didn't think it'd happen like it has. I've had some insane bursts of motivation, as well as good backup from everybody. So we got it done.

Maybe that sudden drive is wearing off now, and all I wanna do is be a drone for a bit. Do you remember my theory on drones? It developed during 9th grade when I was working hard on running the spirit assembly or whatever. I didn't really do anything, I was just upstairs playing with the lightboard and whatnot. It really wasn't a big deal, but it was bothering me alot that week I had to go in for practice. I was irritated, so I turned to thinking. Basically, we were putting on a show for everybody. They walked in through those doors and down the slanty aisles. They sat down and watched the show, and then went back to class. It wasn't anything much more than that. We, on the other hand, were running the sound and the lights. We were running the curtain, and the SBOs were using the microphone to do whatever it is they do. When the students leave, we've gotta clean up. We've got to roll up the mic cord and stash it all in the ticket booth.

They had no idea about that, at least not most of them. They filed in, sat, then filed out. We were performing for them. They didn't have a pound and a half of keys in their pocket.

That's what I wanted to be that week. I didn't want to have access to the "authorized" zones. I didn't want to be the guy working, I wanted to be the guy being worked for.

Well, I realized after a little while that nobody is a drone forever. I realized that for the great majority of my life I will be a drone. The trouble is, you never notice when you're a drone. You never walk into the dollar theater and think about the kid that had to push the button to turn the lights down to start the movie. You don't mind that he's up there, not sitting next to his friends. You only realize it when you're up there with him, sweating from the heat of the projector.

So, that's what I wanna do this week. It's not going to happen, but I'd like to be a drone. I want someone to say "Hey, check out our awesome club with 100 members that's going to put Taylorsville on the map" instead of running around taping up signs announcing our next meeting. I don't want to run around all next week, and go home at 5 oclock instead of 2:30.

I wanna go to someone's house, and not have people come over to mine. I want to sit there on the couch and not wonder if anybody is thirsty except for myself. If I want a cup of water, you better believe I'm gonna ask for one.

In short: It's midterms, and I'm tired of everything. I'm sick, and spent most of my free time today with a frisbee. Not a bad way to spend alot of your free time. But most of it? I dunno, I would have liked to pursue other interests this evening.

The trouble is, I'm gonna feel great tomorrow. Always do. And that's cool, I'm happy with that I guess. I just figure that for now I might as well be tired. equal representation of my numerous personalities I suppose.

But hey, things are good. I'm just afraid that my frisbee dream has turned into a frisbee monster that will consume me.

I've been thinking about the running bit. I could still run and accomplish my goals if I could get through with practice when school gets out half the time. Athletics is 4th period. If I could be done when the rest of school is done, I could totally do it. I'll have to talk to coach. It'd mean dropping compy tech, but I'm great with that. Yeah, I can't type or use word....

Things are alright. They're moving in the right direction. Alliance is pretty fun right now, we just set up forums. There's nothing in them yet, but that's what you're here for, to put stuff in them. I'm going to work on some stuff tomorrow for it too I think, it'll be dandy. Then again... I say that every day, and it rarely happens. Still working on that though, we're moving along. Forward, not backwards. Upwards, not forwards- but twirling, ever twirling towards freedom.

Here's the real question. If you throw a million darts and only one of them hits- was it worth it?

I guess the answer depends on what you hit. If there's enough value behind it, it'd be foolish not to throw your million darts, no matter how long it takes.

The analogy here is basically kids. You know that maybe one in a million kids will grow up to be a brain surgeon that'll save alot of lives. Why both throwing the other nine hundred thousand other darts at the kids who won't save lives? Is it really worth the darts, to just hit one?

It depends on the value of what you hit.

But from me, the drone-for-a-week, I think it's worth it.