Friday, September 30, 2005

I'm Such a Rebel

You know how everybody has that one cool story about the time they went to Walmart and got kicked out for rowdy behavior? Well, this is mine:

So, Steph said she needed some binders, so we went to the amazing walmart. She says she just wants 1/2 inch ones for super cheap. They don't need anything but the 3 ring things. No cover sheet place, nothing, just good cheap 1/2 inch binders.

and thus we set off on our quest. We checked at the seasonal corner, then the school supply corner. The cheapest crap they had was a $1.50. We began to be discouraged.

Then, steph caught sight of an amazing sight. Up stacked on the top shelf were 2 cardboard boxes with binders in them. They were unmarked, and looked cheap. We had no idea the price, but we knew we wanted them. The hunt was on.

Well, if you're familar with Super walmart, every single top shelf has a little runner underneath it that says "Ask for assistance with items on the top shelf." Now, who's honestly going to do that?

Definitely not me, that's for sure.

So, me and steph stake out the area, and make sure that there aren't any employees coming. Then, I hop in the cart, and steph holds the cart. I grab one, toss it down, and then hop out. It was an insane ninja explosion kind of operation, all done in like, 4 seconds. We check the price at one of those cool auto check things. $0.25. 25 cents! GOLDMINE!

so we go back, and do the same thing. Nobody saw us. No polite old men asked us to leave. But its still the most daring thing I've ever done at walmart, and probably will ever do at walmart. That's right. This old man is gonna go sit on his driveway in a lawnchair.

Well, today being friday, we didn't have school. So, I went to my sister's school to help her out with her classes because they were doing an art project today. I learned some valuable things today.

Valuable thing 1: Little kids think I'm amazing.

So, at the beginning of the afternoon class, Steph introduced me to the kids. They all said hi, were really polite. Well, shortly after that Steph was having them do stretches, you know, touch your toes, roll your shoulders, blah blah blah. I was playing along to, and when she told us to reach our hands up as high as we could, I just pretty easily was touching the ceiling.

"HOLY CRAP! HE'S REALLY TALL!"

Yeah, I'm awesome.

The little kids really thought I was cool though, it was super fun. Kindergartners aren't good at too much though. We were making paper mache, and it took them ages to do it, and they honestly got it ALL over them. They were pasted. They all looked ridiculous, but it was fun. I got to read them a story and they all applauded for me at the end. Honestly, it made me feel pretty good inside.

Its funny how small they all are though. Like miniature people with really big heads. Some kid told me he was really heavy because he weighed 50 pounds. We were all out on the playground, and they wanted me to lift them up on to the zipline. Its not a real zipline, just one of those cool things that glides along the track. Since they're too small, I lifted them up and pushed them. They thought I was pretty cool for that, but then I got some cool ideas. I just started launching kids as hard and as fast as I could. They'd go flying, then hit the wall and then come flying back. Oh it was fun.

So, the moral of the story is, go hang out with kindergartners, it's alot nicer than reality.

How I feel? Right now I'm super happy. Last night I wasn't happy at all. I couldn't smile if I tried, it blew chunks. I could have won thousands of dollars and not smiled about it. But now things are fine, and that's good. I should really write a book, but I don't think I'm going to. Since nobody really wants to hear me complain, I'm not going to. Just remember, Zorro never dies.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cool blog you have here. Visit me sometime. home business

Flamingo said...

...I'm glad you've finally found the perfect posse.

Now go post in your other blog.
readysetgo!

Llama said...

I think that Zorro has to die sometime.