Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Upheaval

Something weird is going on. Its not like one of those weird things that goes on in the middle of the night when you think there's an elephant in your driveway making weird noises at you, its like one of those weird things when you wake up in the middle of the night and you realize that you're switched 180 degrees, your feet are where your head ought to be, and you have no idea how it happened.....but there aren't elephants.

See, those of you who know me (That ought to be all of you, unless there are weird pedophiles out there) you all know that I'm pretty old. Im pretty much an old man. I like my cereal cold, my TV as quiet as possible, my cars slow, and fiber glass tall and frothy. I'm a little afraid of change, I've got to admit. I go to restaurants, and I get the exact same thing every time. I'm afraid of this new age technology. I'm afraid of cell phones, escalators, and the future. And thats why this week has blown my socks off.

I am acting uncharacteristically bold, which is kinda crazy. I've done things this past week that I've never done in my life before, and I enjoyed them! The sky is definitely falling. Heads up.

So, Monday was a normal day, so was tuesday. Then wednesday hit, and weird things started happening. In Chemistry I made a fool of myself by randomly shouting "Fluorine!" when the answer clearly wasn't fluorine, but I was too stupid to even know what the question was. That wasn't much of a biggie though, just me screwin up, that's fine.

And then I got fat.

In fitness for life, we did our warmups and stretches, situps, pushups, whatnot. Then we went out to run our 6 laps, and I hauled butt like usual, just like every other day of my old man life. We all got back, and Mackay unlocked the good old closet and started dishing out basketballs and whatnot. Generally I'd wander over to a game and join, but on Wednesday, I sat my fat butt down with Marissa, Courtney, and Katie, and I talked like I was a fat girl. Those three girls aren't fat, I'm not saying that at all. But I felt like a fat girl, and I sure enjoyed it. I didn't run, I didn't break a sweat. I didn't block any shots, or own anybody at badminton. In fact, I never stood up. For the first day of my life, I was lazy in fitness for life, and it was fun. I've now seen the other side of the fence, and the grass truly is greener over there.

Will I be lazy forever? Nah, chances are I'm gonna work my butt off tomorrow just for fun. But now I have tasted of the fruit of laziness, and I know the joy of sitting in the middle, and watching basketballs go by, and not chasing them. I know the agony of watching the birdy fall into the circle of sitting people and having to fight them to get it back no more. I AM the sitting people, I am the obstacle, and I love it!

So that was kinda weird, but that wasn't the biggest shocker. My mom and dad are out of town for the last 2 days. That means that there wasnt anyone to make my lunch this morning. You see, my mom is amazing. She does everything, she's just the very best. If she needed to copy the mona lisa in a day, she could do it, im not sure how, but she'd find a way. Anyways, with her gone I'm kind of like a beached whale... incapable of anything. And since I don't know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich too well, I decided that this morning instead of making a lunch I'd take money for a lunch.

Yeah, I bought a lunch at school. What the crap? I was shocked too.

It was pizza, and it was everything I always dreamed of. Greasy, cheesy, peperoni-y. It left my hands dripping with liquid gold. It was rich, it was fluffy, it wasn't a ham sandwich. I bought pizza for the first, or maybe the second time. I might have done it once before in 7th grade, I just don't remember. Either way, this was monumental. My first high school piece of pizza. wow.
My rebellion didn't end there. When sharks get a taste of blood, they become man eaters, they lust after more. Generally they're nice docile creatures that like man. But not anymore, now that they know the truth about how good we taste, they crave us. With my recent taste of expensive school food, I wanted more! I soon found my prize. The MegaBite. A quarter pound cookie with 75 carbohydrates, 480 calories, and the most heavenly taste ever. I like to call it "Diabetic Coma in a wrapper." I spent 2.50 on lunch today, and didn't have a piece of white bread.

First laziness, and now pizza. What is going on? What's the next bandwagon I'm gonna jump on next? Does anyone have a nightmare before Christmas sweatshirt I can borrow? Does anyone know how to put mascara on a boy? I need girl pants!

Ahhhh! I don't know what's happening to me. The forbidden fruit of laziness and pizza has finally breached my once impenetrable defense of pride, and now I'm just like everybody else. No longer can I say that I worked super hard every day in fitness for life. No longer can I say I had a sack lunch every day of my life.

And you know what? I don't care, cause pizza tastes good, and sitting down and talking is more fun than getting hosed at basketball. That's right. I'm average, and I love it!

3 comments:

Flamingo said...

I'm glad you've finally seen the light. You don't ALWAYS have to excercise in gym. You don't ALWAYS have to sit at the same table at lunch. You CAN eat big cookies, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Actually, its quite right, and quite fabulous.

Jason said...

Wow. I was an eyewitness too. I bought you that piece of pizza. I put the dollar in the vending machine. I let you press the buttons though. It's ok. The cashier lady doesn't hurt. Yay. Pizza is pretty good. Look at my mad action skillz:
bold font!
italic font!

Anonymous said...

so that's pretty cool. Im glad you like food too. I love home lunch bur shcool is pretty good too. yay pizza and by the way you are sooooo lazy. I should shoot you!!! JUst kidding, im laziest and don't feel bad cause you're still better than basically everyone, except the Olympians.
-James (forgot his password again) Gardner