The Truth: October 12th, 2006

One thing's for sure: I love my cross country hoodie.

The rest of my life is wide open. I'm not exactly sure about it, but I'm happy with stuff.

I decided that I was finally going to decide my fate over this UEA weekend. I decided I was going to sit down and figure out if I was going to run indoor and outdoor track this year, or if I was going to take it off and try something else with my life. I didn't think about it as much as I'd have liked to today, but I'm beginning to get the feeling that this is one of those decisions that isn't good or bad.

I mean, with most decisions, you've got the right answer, and the wrong answer. Go to college, or apply at McDonalds. Obviously you wanna go to college. That'll be better for you. Keep running, or puruse other interests? I feel like neither one of these choices is obviously better than the other right now. This is both reassuring and terrifying at the same time. It's reassuring because I know that either one I pick will work out alright, that no matter what I do I'm not gonna get a car dropped on me. It's terrifying simply because the choice is now up to me, not up to common sense. This means that I have a choice to make. A choice that will have a HUGE effect on the next two years of my life. This is epic. I don't know what to do, but I've got to find out. That's my quest, to find the answer. Even if both are good, I've got to find the one that's going to be the best.

I love running, and I know that if I really busted it during indoor and outdoor track, I could do well with CC next year. I sorta plateued during this CC season, but if I could get back into the groove I had during the summer where I was improving a ton, things could end up amazing. I love being in this good of shape. It's something I've worked for, and I'm proud of to be able to run up and down the ultimate field without getting winded. Running makes you feel happier, running makes you stronger.

I love the whole running bit because it brings balance to my life. I often think that everything in my life has come too easy. I was born to fill in bubble sheets. I like tests, I really do. School is a pushover for me, I was born nerd and I'll die nerd. It's easy for me to excell there. Since school has been such a huge part of all of our lives up to this point, it seems that everything important in my life has been easy. That's why running is so important to me, because nobody handed it to me. I was not born raging athlete, I was born nerd. I love running because it's something that wasn't handed to me, but something that had to be earned. I'm not saying that I'm raging athlete now, or that I've worked super hard to become the ultimate runner. Nah, I'm not even good, but I'm doing alright, and it's not 100% genetics this time. There is more value to something that you've had to work hard for, we all know that. Running is something I've had to work for, so it's precious to me.

Running brings balance, it makes me rounded. There is also a great community spirit with the team, it's so amazing. I love our team so much, they're golden. You can't find a better team anywhere in the school, guaranteed. The comradery and support is something that is hard to find anywhere, let alone in high school. Even if you run terribly slow, they'll be with you all the way, telling you you're alright, helping you get back up. There's so much love in the team this year, it's just a good feeling to sit around and hang out with them.

The only reason that I would want to retire from this running business lies solely with the people around me. I believe that we're all in this mess we call life together. It's a team effort here. I think that we are given talents and abilities so that we can all help each other. We don't all need to be able to make shoes, only the one guy does. As long as he's willing to help us out, our feet are going to be alright. While greg can't start a fire, no one can beat his medical care. It's specialization. Systems are always more efficient when their units are specialized. In an assembly line, one man puts the head on the doll, and the next guy throws the legs on. You don't have 12 guys making 12 seperate dolls, you have 12 individuals making one doll 12 times as fast. That's the concept I've got of life.

I believe that we're all given gifts and abilities. I believe that they should be used to help each other. I've been given alot of gifts, and I want to start helping other people out. I get math, I get chemistry, I get physics. There is a multitude of people around us that could benefit from me teaching them physics. I loved English last year, parly because I got to spend the last 10 minutes of class every few days helping people with physics. I went up to the whiteboard and with arms waving and marker flying I explained concepts. By the end of our adventures, these people got it, and did well on the tests. I love that, I really really love teaching.

Now I'm not saying I'm a genius here, or that I can teach anyone anything. But I've had some success in the past, and I think I could do it again. My dream is to get myself a classroom I can use after schools, maybe Farr's room. Every day after school, have anyone come in that wants help with anything, and we can talk about it. It'd be a place for kids too smart for Tap, but who want to understand stuff a little better. I'd bust out the whiteboard skills, and I'd have other kids come in who could help out. We'd create a network of go-to guys, and after a while the thing will run itself.

I want kids to get algebra. That's the important one right there. I have a deep love for algebra. It's so brilliant. If kids don't get algebra, it's so hard to get the rest of life. I want to fix that. I want to raise the number of kids that pass the AP tests. I don't see any reason why my whole chemistry class shouldn't pass the AP test. I don't see why our Physics class shouldn't.

I want to use my gifts to help other people, I want to make a difference. I'm not going to make a difference with running, that's the truth. I'm going to improve myself, and cheer my team mates up. I'm going to run crazy fast, I'm gonna make coach proud of me. In the end, Taylorsville High school will be the exact same as it was before I came. No extra trophies, kids won't be any smarter. With running, I can't make the world a better place.

That's the only reason I want to pursue anything else. Maybe the tutoring thing is getting ahead of myself, maybe I should just troll around all the tap days and help kids there. Maybe I should devote more time to Ultimate. Maybe I don't know what I really want, maybe I just have a big crush on whiteboards.

The truth is, I want to make the world a better place, and I believe that I have the capacity to do it. Cross Country and Track are amazing, but they take up so much time. I know that I'm not the best at managing time, but I wish I could be free right afterschool to do stuff. I'm always running, or cleaning up, or helping coach with something. It's cool and all, it just doesn't get me or anyone else anywhere.

So that's the question. What I do, I don't know. I know I could do great things if I dropped running. The trouble is, I don't know that I would. The capacity is there, but would I really pull it off? I'd be kicking coach in the jimmies if I left, I'd have to make it worth it.

In other news, Earth looks prettier and prettier every day. Maybe it's the change of seasons, maybe there's something in the water. But wow, it's gorgeous.

I wonder what I'll be when I grow up. The field is pretty open right now. I want to do something I love, and I want to make the world a better place. Lucky for me, I love to make the world a better place, so they go hand in hand.

I'm all about excellence. I'm at the stage in my life that I want to be excellent in everything that I do. More often than not, I fall short of my hyperbolistic goals. Despite my frequent failures I remain optimistic and continue to pursue this path of excellence. No matter what I'm up against, I feel the need to be the best, the greatest. To pave a new and better path, to push the envelope that much farther.

The fire in my chest that pushes me on is getting bigger all the time. I know that I've always had this desire, but it's getting ferocious now. Tomorrow's a new day, a never-before seen opportunity to show the world something they've never seen before.

I think these flames are the cause of my recent explosion of projects. The Alliance, Taylorsville Ultimate, and other such business. I'm trying to raise the bar for myself and for others. I'm trying to deliver the best I possibly can.

I'm sitting here, beyond the window. I remember years ago, sitting and pondering in this very chair as I gazed out the window. The cold smell of a fresh new spring was calling me out. It flooded my nostrils, and pounded through my veins like a warcry. I was sitting at the threshhold of my adolescence. Life was about to change, and the direction that I took was entirely up to me. I sat there, preparing myself to face the life that awaited me through the dusty screen. I was about to be hurtled through the window- infinite possibility was waiting for me.

And now here I sit, beyond the window. It's been two years since I sat at the window, gazing and wondering about the future. There have been more cold and wet springs, more opportunities to pause and wonder. As I recall the feelings and thoughts of a previous coherence, I wonder if this is what I saw coming. Is that what I planned? Is this the great future that was waiting for me?

I have made it what it is. Because of the choices and paths I have taken, I stand here today, as I am. I have faced troubles, glories, and disappointments. My body has been pushed to the limits, my intellect examined and tried. I have wandered and traversed the paths of my life, and arrived at this point today. I am who I am. I have never been here before, and though I may try for eternity, I shall never return. I am unique, I am special. The world has never seen anything like me.

Here I stand, beyond the window. I have been dealt my cards, I have played on courageously.

Life is ours to make. The lines have been drawn, the forces begin to tug. Will you ascend and be excellent? Will you reach for the heavens and guide the way? We cannot allow mediocrity to become our norm. Shoot for the stars - Even if we miss we shall land in the trees above.

Come with me, together we'll be excellent. Come with me to the stars, to the trees.

At least we'll be safe from bears.