Monday, October 06, 2008

Christopher Thatcher - Day One

My name is Christopher Thatcher, and I'm living my life.

Last night taught me a lot of things that I've been waiting to learn for a very long time. Things have changed a little bit since I last wrote, so I'm here to fill you in.

At 3:30 last night I was pacing the kitchen in my madrigal slippers. I was thinking about a mission and how close it was. I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was 3:30. I was filled with a reminiscent feeling and some comfort. I was home. Things were exactly the same way that they'd always been. I was where I'd always been, I was thinking the things that I'd always thought. It was a very familiar and comforting scene.

As I pondered that, I realized that my childhood is over. I don't live there anymore. I've accepted adult responsibilities and privileges. I won't find myself living at home for more than a few months here and there ever again. These feelings were significant because they were the first time I'd ever realized that my childhood was essentially over.

But I started remembering all the things I'd done there. At the house, in Taylorsville, in that kitchen, at that table, during my childhood. I remembered some of the good times and some of the bad times. I remembered the person that I had been while I was living at home.

A lot of things came together yesterday, and that thinking and writing and praying last night sort of capped it off. I realized something that is very important to me.

"I've been trying to change my life- but I'm already the man for the job"


I remember who I've been. I remember the things that I've accomplished and the people that I have loved. I remember the work that I did to become that person. I remember the people who taught and guided me along that path. I remember what was asked of me and what I faithfully supplied.

Last night I realized that that's the person that I want to be. More importantly, I realized that that's the person that I am.

This is a declaration of sorts. I am not a scumbag. I am a good person. I am capable of a lot. I want to do much good. I know who I am.

There are things that I need to change, yes. I am not perfect, and the struggles of my life are still present. But I had forgotten who I was. I had forgotten to the point that I was trying to become someone else to make things work. And that is not the answer.

I know that I need help. But now I know that it's me that needs that help, not some other guy that I'm trying to become.

I've done hard things. I know where my strength comes from. As I rely on God, I can make it through this thing we call life.

This is the mound on which I wholeheartedly plant my flag. This is what I've been searching for. This is not the silver bullet that will take all my troubles away, but this is a crucial step towards progression. I believe that my life has been what it has been so that I can learn this lesson. I don't believe I'm finished learning- not this lesson and certainly not all the lessons.

But this is important.

Who am I? I'm Christopher Thatcher, and that's so incredibly important for me to know. Things are a little different now.

2 comments:

Fridgecrisis said...

Nice to meet you. :)

I hope this renewed sense of identity is lasting and important. Great things can happen because of feelings like this. Good luck.

Thanks for reading my blog and leaving comments, by the way. They mean a lot. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who cares enough to read it. :)

Fluffy said...

You are incredible. I don't have anything else to say to that post. I'm so happy for you, and I wish you the very very best.

-Melissa