Sunday, October 05, 2008

Change My Life Blogaday - Day Fourteen

2:33 AM. Wouldn't trade the last hour for sleep, since I spent it talking with my brothers about good stuff. Could have cut out some starcraft tonight though.

Great day today though. Conference is something that I really need right now. Priesthood session made me feel so, clear-headed, I guess. It helped me understand things a lot better. It made me appreciate a lot of stuff, and helped me remember who I am and what I've got to do. I came home and wrote a lot of good stuff in my journal about it, and that makes me happy. I feel like I'm more capable of facing what's out there now. It was something that I needed.

I'm headed back up to Logan tomorrow. I'll probably be back down in another two weeks since we have that Friday off. I might sneak back next weekend to see All-State, but I haven't decided quite yet.

It's weird to come home and then leave so soon. I know it's just the way things work, but it all seems so fleeting.

It's pretty late, though, and I don't have a lot to say on top of the amazing things that have already been said today. My thoughts tonight are on making myself a better person and on going on a mission. That's somewhere in the neighborhood of eight months away. That's not that long. It's something that I'm really excited about. I know it's the right thing to do. I don't know if I'll ever feel prepared for it, but I'm going for it. That is one thing that does make me smile. I'm the man for the job. That means something special to me. There's a lot of history and learning behind that line.

Can I just say that I love history? I love the way that our lives work. I'm not entirely contented with the way my life is right now. I'm not always happy. I spend more time sad in this part of my life than I have in most other parts of my life. But on top of all that, I do know that things are going to be okay. And I do know that even if some things aren't great right now, they're going to turn out alright later. And I know that even if sometimes I suck, I know that I haven't always sucked. I appreciate the fact that what has happened before has helped me be where I am. And I appreciate that that stuff doesn't just vanish because I've gone off to school. The things I learned, the relationships I made, and the skills that were developed, that sticks around. That stuff doesn't put me on top of the world in Logan, and it doesn't give me the giant leg-up that it always gave me at home. But it's important. And it's in the toolbox. Nothing can really take that out of the toolbox. And because it's in there, I can do things I wouldn't be able to do otherwise. I do appreciate history.

I sort of wish I was more spiritual on this blog. Almost everything I write has a spiritual basis here. I just never come out and say it. Why is that? Am I worried about offending people? Maybe it's time to just start offending them anyways. That stuff is important to me. Perhaps I'll become more bold as time goes on.

It is goal-setting time. My goal for this week: The day after I write a post, read it again. The same goes for my journal entries. I'm going to start doubling up and following my trail. This will probably change the way that I write a little bit. Subconsciously, of course. I don't know when I will read it all. I think it'd be ideal to do it in the morning. But we'll see. We've got time to experiment. I'm not putting any constraints down on it, other than to say that I will read it.

Today was excellent, because of conference. I'll share one line that I really loved from President Uchtdorf. "Stand close together, and lift where you stand." I love it. I think I'm putting it up on the fridge when I get back to Logan. Friends, I don't talk to you nearly enough. But I do care about you. And I am trying, for what it's worth. I think that there'll be a shindig at my place on the 17th, I hope. No promises yet, but somebody remind me when it gets closer. Okay, much love friends. I'll catch you all on the flipside. I hope you have a wonderfully uplifting sabbath.

1 comment:

Jimmy said...

Yo yo. Glad you loved priesthood session, I haven't read it yet, but I sure will by tomorrow. You'll have gotten my surprise by the time you read this, but I still think it should be acknowledged. I'm glad that you guys are all coming back to Logan. It's not much fun holding down the home fort with Brad and Chelsea. It was definitely a learning experience for me. Keep on going. My favorite quote from conference, so far as I've read, was from the Young Women's General President quoting a marathoner. It goes like this, "the drive to win means nothing without the drive to prepare." Peace and love.