Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Logan Blogaday - Day Twenty-Nine Part B

3:00 AM flat- Yep, must be calculus.

It's not that the assignments are that beefy, because they're not. They're entirely reasonable. I just don't start them till one in the morning.

Before I jump into anything I'd just like to say thanks to all my friends who have helped support me through all this college business. It's been one of the roughest months of my life, and it's nice to know that there are people out there who care about me. So, thanks friends. I really do appreciate you, and you really do make a difference.

I've had a lot of thoughts today. One of the biggest ones is the question of how much control over myself I really have. If I really wanted to make myself get up in the mornings and study before class instead of staying up late, could I do it? Am I strong enough to make myself do things?

I know that the answer is ultimately yes. But isn't that a frightening prospect, the idea that I couldn't do it? By all means, I've been trying, perhaps a little half-heartedly, to be perfect for a long time. We all know how that's been working out for me.

So I think that's what's on my mind tonight. That idea of self-mastery. The concept of putting off the natural man and doing all the things that the better part of you wants to do.

A wise fellow taught a good lesson on "spirituality" to me and Kasey once. He asked us to define spirituality. We fumbled about for a bit, and then he threw us a rope and said, "Okay, what are the characteristics of a spiritual person?"

He eventually boiled it down for us. He explained that a spiritual person is someone whose spirit is in charge instead of their body. A saint as opposed to a natural man. Someone who controlled themselves. Self mastery.

So I think that's something that I want to work on. I didn't start my calc till after One tonight. I'm surviving because I slept till noon and had a little nap. This is functional, but I don't want to be like this. I can change this. I'm strong enough to. I have to want it and I have to work for it. But I can do it.

I don't know if it'll happen today or tomorrow. Saying that almost guarantees it won't. But that's the new goal- work on self mastery. Just what I've been thinking about tonight. Bringing all the parts of me into one harmonious blend of goodness with the important parts of me in charge instead of the lazy parts.

Remember how I said that if I got more than 65% on my physics test it'd be a miracle? Write this one down in your journals- I got 79/90, or 87.8 percent. I understand how I got that score, but that's dang high considering everything. I'm counting myself blessed. I'm definitely preparing myself more for the next test. But, well, that's something worth smiling about.

A pretty good day, all things told. My tuesdays and thursdays are really easy. I got a few good things accomplished today. There was a lot I could have done and didn't, but it was still pretty good.

I'm really liking this one-day-at-a-time routine.

Tomorrow is a wednesday. What am I going to do tomorrow that is going to change my life for the better? I'm going to read my physics chapter. That's my enrichment activity for tomorrow. One physics chapter, five days before it's due. No guarantees on the homework, but I'll read the chapter.

Okay, it's late. I hope you're all doing well. Sort of an odd post... but once again, thanks to everybody who's been helping me get by lately. You're great friends. I appreciate you. Have a great one~

2 comments:

Fridgecrisis said...

I feel the same way about the self-mastery thing. I've been trying really hard to go to bed on time and wake up on time. It's... been hard, but it's getting better. My goal is to just get to bed a little earlier every day at make it to class a little earlier, and as long as I can do that, I'll be on the right track in no time. But it's hard.

Ellie Mae said...

I think that's what college is all about--figuring yourself out and learning how to be disciplined and self-starting. You've got all the potential in the world; you'll be doing great once you get the system down. That's awesome that you've got some goals to work towards. Good work on your phsyics test, atta boy. haha...how do you do that?

Anyway, hope everything is going well. See ya.